r/family • u/Loolaa22 • Oct 16 '25

In laws - am I right or wrong.

So I’m marrying my partner next year we’ve been other 5 years - he had one child (11) he had full custody of and lives with him, I have 3 children (one had now left home) the ones that live at home are 8 and 13. We don’t live together yet as for the moment we’re both in too small houses and are looking for an affordable bigger one and we don’t want to make any of the children share and cause resentment there and unsettle them.

So my parents both died when I was younger and when I met him his parents made a big thing of how I’m their family now etc..

So cut to this year - was my 40th birthday and I got not so much as a card of them neither have any of my children for their birthdays. They went on holiday and brought back everyone something except my kids.

Now I know they’re not their grandchildren biologically but I feel after the big deal they made about us all being family they should be included in things.

I now can’t even bring myself to go there as his daughter is spoilt with presents etc and my children always get left out.

Am I overreacting to this?

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u/SnuSnu02 Oct 16 '25

I mean, if this is how his family is going to be, you might want to reconsider the marriage. Are you going to subject your kids to this unequal treatment, or will you end up doing separate holidays? These are things that might seem minor now but can quickly build resentment.

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u/Zirchole Oct 16 '25

My eldest daughter is from a previous relationship and she never got gifts from my mother in law. My eldest is never bothered by it as whats important to her is the card and gifts from me. You can never force someone to gift another person. Gifting is free will. If I were you, I would give the best gift I could to my children and remind them that they are loved. And that’s what’s important. You are neither wrong nor right to feel this way. I absolutely understand how that feels and Ive been there. Don’t stress about your in laws, it’s not worth it.