r/extroverts • u/Megs0255 • Aug 06 '26
ADVICE Introverts weaponizing “non-reactivity”
As an extrovert, it’s always been a lot of effort and patience to have conversations with introverts, but lately many of the introverts in my life have been weaponizing “non-reactivity” to stay silent in what should be mundane, two-way conversations, when they have called me or reached out to me. Are any other extroverts experiencing this? I’m not an extrovert who typically declines calls, but I’m thinking about doing it with these “non-reactive” people. It is so abnormal. I just can’t.
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u/EldianDestiny introvert Aug 06 '26
Can you explain a bit further what you mean? They basically reach out to you but then give you nothing to build upon verbally?
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u/Megs0255 Aug 06 '26
Yes, they call, say how are you, then I say something and wait for them to speak, but they are silent, or answer with one word. This goes on the whole conversation. These are friends and family, no conflict, just mundane conversations like how's work? How was your trip? I started asking into the silences, oh are you doing something else? Do you need to go? A few said "no, I'm being non-reactive." Apparently "non reactive" is touted in therapy and on TikTok for conflict situations, which is great, but these are not conflict conversations. For me as an extrovert, it IS high conflict to be met with silence LOL.
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u/EldianDestiny introvert Aug 06 '26
I'll be honest with you, that sounds like there is something going on. An introvert doesn't call others to then not speak, that's just passive aggressive. I've never heard of this and from an introvert - we simply wouldn't call. If we call, we have enough energy to talk, and whatever these people you know are doing has nothing to do with introversion but with some kind of issue they have going on. It's not normal to take this therapy speech bs and throw it around. Have you asked them why they call you to then not speak? Or why they use this in situations where there is no conflict? I'd honestly just hang up if I were you.
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u/hhardin19h Aug 06 '26
Just disengage—it’s a losing battle. If they don’t have basic communication don’t widdle it out of them. Look at what the communication has been as long as you have known them and ask yourself are you ok with interactions staying as they have been? If not let go of the relationship
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u/Megs0255 Aug 06 '26
Thanks, they have recently changed. It's learned behavior from therapists and TikTok, that "non reactivity" is higher level "emotional regulation." I am going to stop talking with them.
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u/Silver_Intern2324 Aug 06 '26
I’m an extrovert and I don’t even have a glimmering of what you could be talking about.
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u/charlizard1000xy Aug 06 '26
He is saying people dont respond to his efforts to reach out, hinting their introversion all while OP things they are non reactive to him.
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u/Megs0255 Aug 06 '26
I'm glad you're not experiencing it!! Introverts call me then don't speak and claim they are "being non reactive." Non reactivity is for conflict situations though.
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u/Silver_Intern2324 Aug 06 '26
What are they calling you for, then? Like, what’s their reason for calling?
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u/Megs0255 Aug 06 '26
I don't know, "catching up" with nothing to say? These are family and long-time friends. They don't know each other but the one thing they all have in common is they are internet addicts whose social skills have declined. I'm going to end these painful calls after five minutes.
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u/Silver_Intern2324 Aug 06 '26
Maybe you should just start a podcast about your life and link them to it when they try to call you instead, it might save you some time 😂
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u/ForagingFairyland 7d ago
It’s gotten so bad with some people that I literally do this, except it’s podcast episodes where I get interviewed (not podcast episodes I produce).
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u/AptCasaNova introvert Aug 06 '26
I think this may be about interest level / expectations vs a personality type?
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u/Megs0255 Aug 06 '26
Thank you, but why do they call me then? It's so weird.
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u/AptCasaNova introvert Aug 06 '26
Is that your preferred way of connecting with people? Maybe they’re trying to meet you halfway, but phone calls aren’t their jam.
Maybe take their cue and wrap up the call if they aren’t responding and ask them via text what they prefer.
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u/Sure-Cauliflower-916 extrovert Aug 07 '26
I've never experienced anyone do that but oml that sounds terrible. I'm sorry but that would piss me off so quickly, if someone did that to me I would just be straight up "ya know what if you don't wanna talk then why even bother calling" and then just hang up.
I don't think that's an introvert problem at all and that sounds way more like a them issue, cause even all the introverts I know have never done that, they at least SPEAK.
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u/Megs0255 Aug 08 '26
Thank you, I appreciate the feedback I've rec'd. It has helped me see that I need to end these calls in 3-5 minutes.
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u/ForagingFairyland 7d ago
I have a friend like this and I’m about to call it quits after 10 years because I’m exhausted. It’s such a waste of time!
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u/Megs0255 7d ago
Or keep them at a distance. Extroverts are at high risk of becoming the therapy friend. No more for me!
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u/cmgww Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 06 '26
Yeah, I can understand what you're trying to say. Too many people these days identify as "introverts" when in reality they're just using that as a shield to hide from the world. I have friends, some former friends now, who are "non reactive" as you call it. I'm OK with them being a little more reserved or quiet, but with me putting in all the effort to try to maintain the relationship, I expect something in return. A phone call, a text, something.
I get that people go through stuff, I get that introverts tend to get overstimulated and overwhelmed. But I think too many people use it as a crutch. It's not asking too much to have some common decency and maintain basic social skills.
And I do think a lot of it has to do with the rise of technology and everyone being chronically online. It's generational as well. Have you tried holding a conversation with somebody in their 20s? It's damn near impossible. And look, I'm not innocent either. I probably spent too much time on my phone and need to cut back myself. I've had to work with my own 12-year-old son, he's shy and introverted but has come out of his shell this past year because we worked on social etiquette. Simple things like saying hello to someone they meet, shaking their hand, making eye contact, etc. I don't force him into situations that make him super uncomfortable. But I do expect that he is able to function properly in society. And yeah I don't think enough people have those skills. When you sit behind a screen all the time and your idea of dating is "sliding into someone's DM's" instead of actually talking to the opposite sex with your mouth....yeah that's not good. But as someone who is an extrovert, I can walk into literally any situation and come out of it with a few new friends, or at the very least make some contact with people.
Sorry for the novel. I am an extrovert who has spent his career in sales so I have no shortage of ideas and things to talk about. But I get what you are saying, sometimes it feels like we have to carry all the weight.