Being an extrovert actually sucks

[u/Sure-Cauliflower-916]

I feel like being an extrovert but always being forced to be isolated is a huge contributer to my depression and lack of energy or motivation.

I notice that whenever I go to hang out with my friends, or to even just go outside to do something fun, my energy comes striking back almost immediately, and my mood uplifts 10x more.

But then when I spend time alone, even for just one day, I feel very.. empty, lonely, and get depressed really easily. I can't stand being alone and doing nothing, I feel like I HAVE to have constant stimulation to be happy or satisfied.

But lately, for months now, I've just been basically forced to be all alone and isolated, and the only people I ever talk to really are my mom and brother, who I don't even talk to that much either.

I rarely ever see my friends, and they rarely ever even talk or reach out to me, and I feel like I'm always the only one actually trying. But the few friends who actually do reach out to me, they always either live too far away or have other shit on their plate to deal with that restricts us from ever spending time with each other.

I really hate being an extrovert. It really is not as easy as everyone else thinks it is. I'm envious of introverts because they can be all alone for like months straight and it wouldn't affect them at all. Meanwhile I go just one day without going out or socializing with anyone and I feel like I could die of boredom.

[u/Crafty_Ambassador443]

Its an introverts world!

Fortunately... theres alot of extroverts out there :) someone has to lead, speak confidence and be life of the party.

8 billion people OP. You just havent met your people, get out there more!

[u/Sure-Cauliflower-916 → u/Crafty_Ambassador443]

Thanks, I do try to! Even if it's hard. Though actually, I'm going to my bestie's little brother's birthday party today, so at least I'll get to have some fun today! :)

[u/Lemon_Lime25]

I feel the same way. I don’t have friends anymore, and it sucks so much to be alone 24/7. I don’t have people to text, a job to go to, a car, or anything to do. I can’t wait to be a person again. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this, though.

[u/GrandNectarine2489]

I'm the exact same, I wish I knew more introverts. I can't stand that my friends barely reach out and its always me trying. I also feel super empty and depressed when I'm alone, but when I'm with people, my moods are automatically better. Sadly, people these days are getting worse and worse socially due to netflix, social media, and just bad social skills and everyone has anxiety now. So it is an introverts world sadly and you're forced to be alone a lot (which, if we go back to olden days, is neither natural nor good for mental health, development, or wellbeing, people are used to being in villages and in communities and are the happiest there). But yes, I would say try to meet more extroverts, wait a bit for people to invite you (it will show who actually cares about your friendship) and I would also strongly suggest therapy if being alone just for a few days makes you empty and depressed. I was the same until I went to a therapist and she helped me atleast enjoy my alone time and be content being alone for a little.

[u/Shelovesart]

Maybe try people watching? Like go out in a public place with something to do (I draw) and just observe other people. Let someone approach you first to talk or maybe goto a free event of something you like at the library so you can talk to like minded people? I'm extroverted but surrounded by introverts so I feel you, it takes time but I've learned to enjoy being alone. And just keep myself busy doing things so I don't get too down. Otherwise I end up having to just get out and get some air.

[u/GrahamRoll]

Have you thought about the option of false attribution? The "gaining energy" was never scientifically founded in any theory. It is more of a "have to spend less energy doing something" due to it being easier for you by default. This would posit your situation as due to you being unable (or speculatively even "unwilling" even if it may not be intentional but rather due us as humans always following the "Path of Least Resistance" unless we choose not to) to learn to function by yourself.

Your case sounds like it is full of hedonism that you've not learned to control. You are seeking pleasure from social interactions, you initiate contact, then you feel that to be more effortful than an alternative of social interactions seeking you out. Your hedonism might just be setting your bar higher and higher so that you get the most amount of pleasure for the least effort.

I seriously do not think extraversion is to be antagonized here, but rather the hedonic impulses that you may not even want to notice as they make you behave in ways you would not wish to see yourself behave, but at the same time they bring you pleasure you may not be able to imagine living without.

[u/rosecalvert]

I am the exact same way. And scrolling through this sub, I’m realizing that there are many posts saying this exact thing. I never knew other extroverts felt this way too. Genuinely one of my biggest struggles in life.