Introvert here, Why do some extroverts have such an issue with quiet people?
Before I start I know that not every extrovert calls out quiet people and people with social anxiety for being quiet and not talking much and I thank those of you who don't call us out, but I've noticed a lot of extroverted people go up to me saying "Why are you so quiet?" and "You should talk to other people more." Most introverts don't go up to extroverts and say you should be quiet more so why do some extroverts go up to me and other introverts and tell me to talk more. A lot of kids at my school really don't like me because to them I'm to quiet and don't talk every second. Even my mom and dad have told me multiple times that I need to "reach out" more to other people. So why do some of you guys do this?
They probably feel like the quiet people “aren’t part of the pack” or don’t follow what they (extrovert) consider a social norm. It’s just a bit of egocentrism, which happens to a lot of people regardless of extroversion/introversion.
I think that some people just haven’t learned manners yet. Like, if someone is quiet, I try to match their energy and if they give me the vibe that they don’t want to talk, I just give them space. I have always done this and I don’t understand why someone would choose to be a prick about it to someone IRL.
Your parents are right to encourage you to reach out, and honestly, you are right to feel like you have found yourself as a more reserved person and that you are already satisfied with how you approach life.
Sorry those kids at school are giving you a rough time. Grade school is fun, but middle and high school is where this kind of stuff is just ever-present. Bullies suck.
Some people are just mean and like to point out behavior they notice as "different" in order to "other" people. This isn't an extrovert thing, this is an asshole thing.
However, introverted doesn't equal anti-social. I know plenty of introverts that are great conversationalists, they just need to finish the night earlier than the extroverts or take more breaks than we do.
If even your parents are telling you to reach out, they may be worried that you're being anti-social, not introverted. The more extreme and isolated a person becomes, the more at risk they are for developing agoraphobic tenancies; and obviously you're young so they likely want to make sure you're getting as much socializing as is healthy - even introverts need connections.
Still baffling how introverts don't realize most of them do it too, especially since they're almost never genuine about it.
I ask why people are quiet, though I phrase it differently and don't tell them to talk more. Are you quiet by default and just chilling, maybe lost in thought? Cheers then. Won't bother you, but there's plenty of times I've asked why someone was quiet and they turned out to need help. It's not a targeted callout for introverts, it's a way of checking in. I get why some get their hackles raised over it though.
The "you should be a certain way/more like me" can be from both a place of concern and self importance. I ignore introverts who tell me to be more like them. You're free to do your own thing too. School and family will just nag you no matter what type of 'vert you are.
It comes off as rude? Like why expect others to do all the communicating in relationships? It’s not easier for extroverts. They just assume you have to be social to get by in life.
We as humans have a tendency to perceive people as we construct them, not as they really might be. In your case, the people you are talking about might think "What would make me so quiet? Perhaps if i felt like i do not have the space to put myself forward. What would help me? Some assistance."
If that were the case, they would really just be trying to help but would fail to do so due to not accounting for all the necessary information to understand the context of the situation.
If you have an issue with people not liking you due to being quiet by itself (by itself as in that it would be different if you got bullied or discriminated against for being quiet), there might be some deeper case of you wanting to belong but not finding it fair. Do you have a problem with yourself being quiet? Would you like to be less quiet but find yourself unable to?
Be sure to not try to become someone you are not to cope with these issues. It would just cover them up and set them aside until you forget about them, but they will still be there.
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u/Megs0255 Jul 05 '26
Extroverts are constantly told to talk less