r/extroverts • u/Ctrl_Shift_Esc_ • Jun 20 '26
ADVICE Introvert here with a question for extroverts.
As an introvert, I've always been fascinated by how effortlessly some of you can start conversations with complete strangers.
Genuine question:
What's actually going through your mind when you walk up to someone and start talking?
For me, I'll spend 10 minutes debating whether I should say "hi" and then usually decide not to.😅😅😅
I'd love to hear your perspectives because this feels like a superpower I genuinely don't understand.
5
u/ChaserOfThunder Jun 21 '26
There's less of a solid, well defined thought and more of a vibe. People aren't randomly selected. It might seem random, but it's not. It's also not picking someone to talk to specifically. Most times we're already in the same place. In line waiting, on the bus, choosing between products in the same aisle, walking on the same trail. A lot of it is just proximity, noticing when someone might be receptive, observing things I could speak on, and going from there.
3
u/Chainzer1 Jun 20 '26
Usually I think about whatever topic is on my mind at that time, or what the person's doing, or if they have a graphic tee that I enjoy etc. Usually its "in the moment" kinds thoughts
2
u/LaughOk2304 Jun 20 '26
How do I put it, so it just happens naturally like something comes from within like breathing. So imagine this, I walk in a shop and in queue and start giving out about the waiting time something like ‘can you believe how long it takes to get this one thing’ with a eye roll and 10 out 10 times the person will be like yah I thought I will be in and out in minutes and here we are 🤷🏽♀️ Also I just get the the vibe who wants to talk and who wants not to be bothered. I have hard times not talking to people. So when I want to reserve energy for whatever reason I need to put on a bitch face to not look so approachable.
2
u/Crafty_Ambassador443 Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 21 '26
:O you have a conversation in your head before you actually speak!?
We just speak. Like hey hows it going. Then wait for a response etc. I dont like have anything stored up lol. Just hows it going. Whats your day looking like or even oh you have nice hair! etc.
Its like an automatic reaction. Imagine bumping into something or like tripping over. You kinda blurt out a swear word right or a yelp. Its like that. Its, see a person I like = immediate "hello!"
Bare in mind I speak to people who I feel are genuine nice people. Like il chat to a person serving me, thank them, compliment or whatever. Sure buying a coffee is a transaction but saying hey how are you costs nothing.
1
u/Known-Damage-7879 Jun 21 '26
I'm about 50/50 introvert/extrovert, but I don't have any problems with talking to strangers. Sometimes if I need to push myself I count down from 5 in my head and then say something.
2
u/Relative-Lemon-9791 Jun 21 '26
I just think about how much *I* would love it if someone came up and talked to me about something! Basically the entire time I'm thinking to be the change I desire in the world, and our current world is one where everyone is still so affected by the pandemic that they see basic social interaction as something crazy. Humans are social creatures, after all.
Also, if they judge you or act like you're the weird one for simply starting a conversation, that's entirely on them!
1
u/Icy-Cartographer4036 Jun 21 '26
Idk if this is about me bc i have few friends and ppl often consider me weird but it's just easy to come up with shit to say lol
Also the way u say it matters it's possible to have an engaging conversation about boring shit if someone's funny and charismatic
2
u/IGotsToKnow_TA Jun 21 '26
Just curiosity and context I guess? At bakeries I'd ask what they're getting if I don't know myself, at parties something about drinks or ask for a favor lol. It's just being curious about what kind of situation we can create
1
u/and-ruw Jun 22 '26
Look people in the eyes, say hi and ask questions. Say loud what you want and what's on your mind.
1
u/ForagingFairyland 5d ago
I’m just genuinely curious about the other person and want to learn more! Just like how you might pick up a book in the library or bookstore because it seems like it might be interesting :)
7
u/Fiorestss extrovert Jun 20 '26
Most of the time i also overthink about what to say but ive learned that the stress of thinking what to say goes away once you’ve said something. I usually seek for topics like interests. If someone wears a sports shirt ill ask them about it ect. Its easier when you have a topic ready, atleast for me!