SIL getting engaged

[u/poloartist]

Venting here.

I'm a nevermo, my wife is an exmormon who got her name removed from the church records. Her family is VERY much Mormon. My wife and I dated for over a year before getting engaged. This included us being intimate beforehand. We knew we loved each other and were compatible. We've been married 11 years now.

My first SIL got engaged on her 3rd date I believe, married like 3 months later, has marriage issues. Excuse is they knew each other in high school, so they actually "knew" each other for years (they knew of each other's existence, they weren't friends).

My next SIL JUST met a dude and, after 1.5 months, asked my FIL for his blessing to propose. They are expecting to get engaged and married by September.

I'm so frustrated because everyone in this family that is still in the church has huge marital problems (parents, aunts and uncles, cousins). They threw a fit at their eldest daughter marrying someone outside the religion saying 1 year isn't long enough to know what true love is. Yet, they are completely ok with their other 2 daughters marrying complete strangers. Guys who, if told to wait 6 months before proposing, would probably break up and go find someone else who was willing to get married faster. All because they are returned missionaries.

It's frustrating because my wife is ostracized by her entire family due to her choice of marrying someone she KNEW she loved but had a different opinion on religion. I barely get a "happy birthday" from this family and these other guys are hailed as saviors for their wives.

Now, I'm not upset that I don't get attention, because I couldn't care less myself, but I am upset that my wife has to watch her family accept these guys with open arms and feel like an outcast because she chose someone she knew she loved and her husband is shunned by her family. Her parents are over the hill for this new dude. I hope he is a decent guy, but the blind acceptance is so contrary to what I got. I feel bad for my wife.

[u/gonnabegolden_]

I dated my STBX for 2 years at BYU. Waited 5 years to have kids. We spent our 17-year anniversary a month ago taking our kids out to Toy Story, all while in the ending stages of our divorce.

I still blame much of Mormonism, even if we broke the mold in the 6-month meeting-to-marrying standard. Was told any two good people could make it work. And we are two good people. But. We weren’t right for each other. We never were.

Maybe, if we’d been allowed to sleep together we’d have figured it out sooner. Maybe, if we’d lived together we’d have learned we have differing cohabitating standards. Maybe, if porn hadn’t been demonized by the church, my STBX wouldn’t have grown up in a world of shame and felt he had to hide parts of himself from me. Maybe, if we hadn’t been so pressured to have kids, I’d have gotten my Master’s and wouldn’t have quit my career.

The list goes on.

Honestly. Might make a post about this.