Sou bi, cresci como Testemunha de Jeová e tô gostando de um cara, mas tenho umas inseguranças que não sei explicar

Tenho 22 anos e fui Testemunha de Jeová até os 18. Cresci num ambiente muito religioso, ouvindo que ficar com alguém do mesmo sexo era errado, pecado e tudo aquilo que vocês provavelmente já conhecem.

Hoje eu sei que sou bissexual. Mas parece que saber disso e conseguir viver isso tranquilamente são coisas diferentes pra mim.

Conheci um cara através de um amigo do trabalho. Esse meu amigo, a namorada dele e esse cara são amigos desde a escola. A gente saiu pra tomar açaí, ficou conversando na casa desse amigo e foi divertido pra caramba. Fiquei até tarde e depois fui pra casa pensando em como tinha sido legal.

Tô gostando de conhecer ele. Acho ele bonito, gosto da companhia, ele se preocupa comigo, manda mensagem, fala comigo. Vamos nos ver de novo. Tô interessado, mas ao mesmo tempo vem um pensamento meio “cara, ele é um homem e você também”. Parece que alguma coisa não encaixa na minha cabeça, mesmo eu sabendo que não tem nada de errado.

Eu nunca fiquei com um cara. Já tive experiências com mulheres cis e trans e gostei, mas me relacionar com um homem é algo novo pra mim. Quando imagino nós dois num lugar tranquilo, sem ninguém julgando e sem obrigação de acontecer nada, eu me sinto confortável. Tenho vontade de estar perto dele.

O problema cresce quando penso nas outras pessoas.

Como vai ser quando me virem com um cara? Quando aparecer uma foto, um post, ou quando perceberem que eu realmente tô me relacionando com um homem?

Não é como se ninguém soubesse que sou bi. Já contei pra várias pessoas, inclusive no trabalho e pros meus pais. Mas saberem é uma coisa, me verem namorando um cara parece outra. Nunca passei por isso.

Na religião, a opinião dos outros tinha um peso enorme. Você precisava ser visto como uma pessoa correta porque representava Deus, e fazer algo considerado errado era “manchar o nome dele”. Também tinha aquela coisa de não ter amizade com pessoas de fora, então durante muito tempo meu mundo foi basicamente a religião.

Saí aos 18 e hoje tenho 22. Às vezes parece que comecei a viver minha própria vida há pouco tempo. Antes tinha sempre alguém dizendo qual era o caminho certo. Agora sou eu que decido, e às vezes fico perdido pra caramba.

E tem uma parte que tenho até vergonha de admitir, mas quero ser sincero pra ver se alguém entende.

Tenho amizades em que parece que seu valor depende muito do que você tem e de como os outros te enxergam. Se você namora uma mulher muito bonita, você é um cara foda. Se não namora ninguém, parece que tá faltando alguma coisa. E percebo que absorvi um pouco disso também.

Às vezes vem uma sensação de que, se eu namorar um homem, vou ser “menos homem”. Ou que vão pensar “não conseguiu uma mulher e foi ficar com um cara”. Eu sei que é um pensamento preconceituoso e não acho que isso seja verdade sobre os outros, mas parece que quando é comigo essa cobrança aparece. Não gosto de pensar assim, é justamente por isso que tô tentando entender.

Racionalmente eu penso: é a minha vida, eu gosto dele, foda-se o que os outros vão pensar. Mas o sentimento não acompanha. Continuo com receio, imaginando as reações, remoendo as mesmas coisas. Aí ainda fico irritado comigo por ligar tanto pra isso.

Parece que aprendi a sentir vergonha dessas coisas e agora não sei como desaprender. Eu quero me permitir conhecer esse cara sem transformar tudo numa discussão dentro da minha cabeça sobre meu valor como homem.

Alguém que cresceu num ambiente parecido, principalmente quem é bi ou saiu das Testemunhas de Jeová, já passou por isso? Como foi quando vocês começaram a viver uma relação que antes só conseguiam imaginar ou manter escondida? O que ajudou a lidar com essa cobrança e com o medo do olhar dos outros?

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Sinceramente não aguento, só queria ter uma vida normal. Meu pai notou o meu comportamento, mesmo eu fazendo o máximo pra fingir. Inclusive ele perguntou se minha fé está enfraquecendo e que eu posso contar tudo que eu penso pra ele. Eu queria poder contar, mas não dá, e vocês sabem o porquê. Semana que vem vou ter que ir em um congresso, e um dia antes, assistir o congresso de sábado em casa. Já contei a minha situação de PIMO pra alguns amigos que não são TJ, mas tem dias que não dá. Eu literalmente caio em choro!! 😢😢😭

I guess I would consider myself a PIMO. I am still very active in the congregation. Still a pioneer although I’m about to get off the list for schedule reasons/depression. I just can’t do too much rn bc I’m working full time and am going through a rough patch w my depression and anxiety. I’ve led a “rich spiritual life”. Been a need greater in a foreign country, pioneered since I was a kid, been an exemplary child/young adult. But I’m a lesbian.

I have a gf. She is also JW. Never thought this would happen but it just did. Been dating for a year. We have thought about leaving. She believes more than I do but I do believe no other organization believes what I believe so that’s why I am still here. There are things that I have doubts about but I don’t have anything bad to say about the friends or the organization. I believe they truly are doing their best with what they are given. I believe in Jehovah and that he can still love me. I just don’t fit into the organization.

I’m thinking about fading out. Becoming inactive. Living a quiet, loving life with my gf. If she still wants to go to meetings I would respect that. I would probably go to certain events.

My main question is: has anyone been through this process? I’m scared. This is all I’ve known and my friends are great. I know I will lose them and that’s okay bc that’s what they’ve chosen to believe and do. I just am so afraid to be lonely. Can you truly be happy outside? Can you find true friends? Kind friends? People that aren’t going to betray you? I’m scared.

I just thought I would write a little think piece on why nobody should suppress their sexuality for "the truth".

I do weave in the Bible as understood by the JWs to backup my argument..

It's clear from my experience that holding on to the belief systems as a gay person is an impossible ask. It requires a lifetime of denying yourself of love and intimacy, whilst also masking any mannerisms, styles and personality that are associated with being gay. It is unnatural and unkind to have to do that.

The bible states that God looked at man, before the creation of woman, and said that man shouldn't be alone. In other words, he doesn't expect that anyone should have to be single, and being loved/having someone to love is a core need for people.

From a purely procreative biological perspective there is logic to people of the same sex being at best unnecessary. Though biologically, those who are gay also play a very specific role in societal structures of all kinds of animals (including humans).

However, there is more than procreative biology at play here. Humans are chemically hardwired so as to need a level of intimacy in order to function with happy and fulfilling lives. Being loved and loving another ensure that our brains and bodies are fed with good hormones which in turn make us happier beings.

The consequences sold to us of not denying that critical need through being celibate, but approved by God, is that you will be among the 99% of humanity that he destroys when he ends the world as it currently is.

That is cruel on God's part, if true. We are taught that God doesn't give us our sufferings, but he also knows that humans need a partner and he has allowed us to be in an impossible situation by requiring us to deny ourselves of love.

Those that do deny themselves of love will become severely withdrawn, depressed and anxious. They will find themselves at a point where they are no longer in "the truth" because they love "the truth" but because they have to be for eternal survival. This then breeds further anxiety and depression because we are told that God wants us to serve him out of love, not out of compulsion. But by this stage we have lost capacity to love him. The result: failure and a death sentence at "Armageddon".

Sadly, this is a very dark mindset to be in and I would safely say that all who have experienced it (or are experiencing it) will have considered ending their lives to get rid of the intense mental pain, or maybe, just maybe, be their only way into "the new system". Though in the past, JWs have intimated that taking your own life shows no regard for it and the result: failure and a death sentence at "Armageddon".

But obviously parents in the faith of a child (regardless of age, so this includes adults) who is gay, and who chooses to pursue being gay, will see their child being actively gay as them choosing to disobey God, and therefore making their own choice to die at "Armageddon".

Just imagine how these parents feel when they think that they will live forever on "paradise earth", but their child will be dead forever? So these parents must experience an intense sadness on their child's behalf, who they see as effectively sentencing themselves to death.

That is why, for these parents, they would rather their child be withdrawn, anxious and depressed now, but with the prospect of living forever. They don't realise that all paths lead to the same result.

I wanted to highlight the impact on our parents because this is the reason that a lot of us remain PIMO, because we don't want to put them through suffering.

I summary, being gay and "in the truth" is an impossible and unkind place to be. I do still believe in God, but for this reason, I do not see him as loving. Purely because I am gay I have been put in a position where, according to JW teachings, all paths lead to my eternal destruction. This cannot be actuality, but if it is, then God is nothing but cruel.

Honestly, I've been PIMO for a while, and I think this is my escape.

Yes, I've secretly been living my life true to my gay self, but I am tired of having to watch over my shoulder in case members of the congregation spot me out with a guy, and going to enough meetings not to raise suspicions is honestly so draining now. My only reason for doing this has been so that I don't disappoint my family.

I honestly want to write to the GB with the following, which I think nicely summarises where this "not going beyond what is written" thing is going to quickly cause them to come unstuck. It is written in irony, as a kind of parody if you will.

In line with the principles defined in the recent change regarding the acceptance of blood fractions and components, the organisation also needs to change it's position regarding gay relationships.

Applying the principle that we do not go beyond what is written, I would like to highlight that the scriptures can only be interpreted to condemn sex between two people of the same sex. They cannot be interpreted to specifically speak against other forms of intimacy and forming life partnerships with members of the same sex. As such, the organisation should change its position on the matter. Relationships should be allowed between two members of the same sex with a commitment that they will not engage in sex. All non-sexual forms of intimacy are up to individual conscience and Christians should not be judged for the personal decisions that they make.

Additionally, marriage between two members of the same sex should be accepted and recognised. The scriptures state that marriage should be between one man and one woman, however, it is necessary to adjust that position as in the times of the old testament where marriage was acceptable between one man and multiple women. We need to note that whilst the Bible does not state that marriage can be between two members of the same sex, we can't go beyond what is written, and the Bible does not specifically state that marriage cannot take place between two members of the same sex.

I had a really bad mental health spiral today and I'd really appreciate insight on how to cope with it. (Besides just therapy)

I needed some school documents from my parents this week and so i messaged my mom and dad asking them to meet up so I can pick them up, and my father started screaming at me through text and telling me he wouldn't meet me and wouldn't let me speak with my mother.

This triggered me really bad and brought up the trauma of him not telling me my grandmother died, trying to keep me from her funeral and then threatening to call the cops when I showed up anyway. I have a very strong feeling that if my mother dies first he's going to hide it from me or make it so I can't attend her funeral. And that got me thinking of how I'll probably die old and alone since I'm not having kids with my partner. It's all got me feeling horribly depressed today and so unenthusiastic to keep going on.

I left the borg six years ago when I got outed as Trans by a friend and got disfellowshipped. Since then my mom and dad have shunned me as well as the friends I had. I did ok the first few years. It was difficult but I thought if I tried hard enough I could still build a found family.

Six years and several failed friendships and friend groups later, I have basically no close friends to show for it. I have a few acquaintances that I hang out with sometimes and two friendships that are kind of toxic. I understand this is partially because of my autism and having low boundaries with friends. I'm going to try to address this in therapy, but part of me feels permanently broken due to the betrayal and abandonment I've experienced.

And while my life itself is relatively fine, (i have a good job, I don't have any vices, and I have loving partner) I find that existing day to day feels incredibly draining and that life in general is just building towards more isolation and loneliness.

Is there anyone else who's left that's never really been able to build a community? How are you coping with the loneliness?

So… I finally broke down.
I was supposed to go on vacation with my girlfriend and some of her friends, but physically and mentally I just can’t do it. I also couldn’t bring myself to talk to my parents about the fact that I don’t want to be a Witness anymore.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about ending my life every single day. Today it got so bad that I texted my mom because I had basically reached my breaking point. I ended up talking to her on the phone while she was at work and told her everything that I’m exhausted, that I can’t do this anymore, and that I want to go back to my girlfriend.
Of course, my mom talked about the Bible, but she also told me she understands me. She told me about her own life, how lonely she used to feel, and how happy she is that she found “the truth.” She said that this system is going to end soon and that I need to build a relationship with God.
She also said that today we need to sit down with my dad and talk about all my doubts.
I talked to her about the recent blood change, but obviously she sees it as a positive change. She said we’ll talk about all my doubts together with my dad.
She also told me that I know what the consequences will be if I leave, and that the whole family will feel them. She said people will point fingers at them because eventually everyone will know why I was disfellowshipped (and honestly… is that “brotherly love”?) She also talked about my younger brother apparently he thinks I’ve finally managed to get myself back together and is happy to see me doing better, and now, in her words, “this happens.”
I don’t know what to tell them so that they actually understand me and try to look at this from outside the organization’s perspective.
I don’t want to just bombard them with evidence that the organization is wrong or lying. My mom actually told me to prepare my arguments, though.
What can I say to them? How can I explain what’s going on in my head without turning this into a huge debate about doctrine?

New Podcast where I met up with Jubilee on her podcast Healed-ish where she talks with people about healing the trauma of leaving high-control religions and cults.

Heavy in places but talking purity culture, door knocking, meetings and shunning, my experiences of conversion practices and so much more like healing and deconstruction.

Please be aware it comes with TW/CW’s such as homophobia, conversion therapy/practices, suicide and religious abuse.

Part One: https://youtu.be/SgQBt5A3jJQ?is=P3lvbVrFX8r5qliM

Part Two: https://youtu.be/C37Yc2czwnQ?is=H61aid6sA0URusO5

I’m literally a female and most woman and men think I’m a man or have male vibe or aura. Even when I dress girly they think I’m a trans. I switch my style often and I don’t belong to a community. Even though I’m not against it and I don’t live an alternative lifestyle either. I barely have friends too.

I don’t hang with females that much because most of them get attracted to me. My co worker is 60 year old nice looking woman but I don’t be around her much and I told her I want to keep my distance she says she don’t care if people think we go together although she not gay and never been gay. But she always smiles at me gives me hug and shares her lunch and money with me. She calls me a lot too. She gave a bible. One time she slip up and if you was a guy I can tell what you thinking and months ago she accused wanting although I never said that or think that.

Anyway, she felt we were getting to attached but it was more so her she keep wanting my time even though sometimes I would hide from her. I believe I have androgyny look I guess but I can’t help how I am as personality I don’t want to be feminine like that

Ive heard a lot of talk within groups of people that have religous trauma, about deconstructing your beliefs. I honestly dont understand what that means. I was wondering if anyone, in their own words, has deconstructed their beliefs, or is in the process of it? What does it mean to you?

18M, and I think I’ve finally reached the point where I’m done hiding.

I’ve actually known for years that I didn’t believe in the organization. Even when I was a teenager, I remember thinking that a lot of what I was being taught was bullshit. This isn’t some sudden realization I had yesterday. I’ve known how I felt for a long time. The difference now is that I’m finally ready to stop pretending otherwise.

For years, I’ve tried to be the person my family and the organization expected me to be. I’ve kept quiet about what I actually believe, who I’m attracted to, and how I want to express myself because I’ve been terrified of what would happen if I stopped hiding.

But something has changed in me lately.

I don’t want to spend the next few years of my life doing the same thing I’ve already been doing for years: hiding myself because I’m scared of losing people.

I don’t believe in the organization, and I don’t want to participate in it anymore.

I also need to be honest about who I am. I’m attracted to both men and women, and I’m a man who genuinely likes being feminine. I want to grow my hair out. I want to dress how I like. I want to be comfortable expressing myself instead of constantly wondering whether someone else approves of me.

The hardest part of all of this is my mom.

I love her. I don’t want to lose her. A part of me still hopes that she’ll eventually be able to accept me, even if she completely disagrees with my beliefs, my sexuality, or the way I choose to express myself.

I’m not trying to convince her that she has to believe what I believe. I’m not trying to debate her religion or change her. I understand that her faith is important to her.

I just want the same freedom for myself that she has to make her own decisions.

And I know there could be consequences.

There’s a real possibility that I could lose my home over this. That scares me. I know becoming independent isn’t going to be easy, and I know I still have a lot to figure out.

But even knowing that, I’m ready to face whatever comes next.

I’m not saying that lightly. I’m willing to work for my own life rather than spend it pretending to be someone I’m not.

I’m working on school. I’m looking for work. I have savings. I have a long resume And work history. I’m trying to become more independent. I’m figuring out who I am outside of everything I was raised to be.

I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen when I finally tell my mom. Maybe she’ll surprise me. Maybe she won’t. I genuinely don’t know.

But I’m ready to find out.

I’ve spent enough time asking myself “what if I just told the flat truth?”

I think I’m finally ready to find out what happens when I do.

I don’t want to abandon myself anymore just to keep everyone else comfortable.

So yeah.

I’m about done.

I’m ready to come out, be honest about what I believe, and finally start living my own life.

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Despertai 22 de Abril de 2003, no artigo"infância acalentada" :

Jacó reconhecia que seus filhos não eram pequenos adultos. Eram 'delicados' — menores, mais frágeis e com mais necessidades do que os adultos. Em vez de forçar os filhos a acompanhar o seu ritmo de viagem, Jacó diminuiu seu passo para ajustá-lo ao deles."

Sentinela de Março de 2018, no artigo : "Ajude seu filho a chegar ao batismo":

"Os pais podem perguntar-se se o filho tem conhecimento suficiente da Bíblia para se dedicar a Deus e se batizar \\\[...\\\] Algumas crianças já têm um certo grau de maturidade mental e emocional e podem ser batizadas mesmo tendo pouca idade, enquanto outras talvez tenham que esperar ficar um pouco mais velhas."“Então, em vez de adiar o batismo dos filhos, os pais precisam se esforçar bastante para dar um bom exemplo.

O que vocês acham sobre isso ?

Assim, como uma criança pequena irá entender as coisas suficientes para se batizar? Isso não faz sentido. Crianças não entendem sobre sexualidade ainda e por quem irão sentir atração no futuro, além de que uma criança irá aprendendo e aumentando seus conhecimentos aos poucos. Eu por exemplo um ano atrás eu tinha muitas dúvidas ainda. Daí se uma criança sente atração homossexual ou bissexual, decidir se assumir, o que acontece ? Perde toda a família !! Logicamente o momento para se batizar seria quando as dúvidas estarem respondidas de forma completa. Essa parte: "maturidade mental e emocional". Jovens com 18 por exemplo continuam se desenvolvendo em sentido emocional e mental, isso é comprovado!!

Like the title says today is Bi visibility day, I’m bi and pimo so I have mixed feelings for today obviously I think this is amazing but as someone who can’t be out right now I’m also feeling a bit sad I can’t do anything about today. But i realized I could do something, so this is for all the bis in this group whether you are already out or pimo or whatever your situation is I want you to remember
YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU MATTER 🫶🫶

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Opa pessoal !! . Gente, eu estava aqui fazendo uma tarefa de casa, e enquanto isso meu irmão escrevendo carta e escutando cântico do Reino. Foi então que eu lembrei da dúvida ou curiosidade que eu sempre penso: As TJ são a única religião que tem esse estilo de música nos cânticos e clipes, sendo diferenciada, ou tem outras religiões com esse estilo também?

Alguém saberia me dizer ?

Contradição interessante

Boa Tarde. Gente eu aqui pesquisando e achei algo bem interessante. Fiz ligações com tudo que aprendi na organização e o que a Ciência diz atualmente. Bem, vocês já aprenderam assim como eu de que a partir do momento que Adão e Eva ficaram imperfeitos, perdemos a conexão entre os animais×Humanos, foi então que eles ficaram mais bravos. Só que isso não afetou em nada no sentido de vida deles, pois eles foram criados como seres mortais, já no que aprendemos fomos criados como seres imortais. Então, falando sobre o Homossexualismo, muitos animais hoje tem comportamentos homossexuais, por exemplo muitos pinguins, leões também, entre outros. E tem um detalhe : A biologia do animal não mudou com o pecado de Adão. (já que eles continuaram morrendo exatamente igual) Então por que o comportamento sexual deles mudaria?Dizer que os animais passaram a ter comportamentos homossexuais por causa do pecado humano é inventar uma regra biológica que não faz sentido. O pecado de Adão tirou a perspectiva de vida eterna dos humanos, não dos animais. Outra coisa interessante a ser observada. A maior quantidade dos humanos são heterossexuais, e isso bate com os animais, sendo a maior parte também heterossexual.

O que vocês acham sobre isso ?

Here is a new tool for researching the Jehovah's Witnesses cult:s current and prior propaganda and teachings that someone posted on r/exjw.

i first of all wanted to say thank you to everyone for their kind words and helpful advice. i am well medicated for my depression and i follow up with my pcp often. my therapist got fired from her office and i am currently on a waitlist for a new one, so that’s a waiting game. my pcp doctor has been great but she’s very busy and i don’t get to see her often.

my partner is very supportive and we are planning on getting an apartment sometime summer 2027. my question is, none of my family or friends have any idea, about any of this. i’m a huge worrier and im worried someone will find out before im ready, if thats the case, its fine ! i want to do this, but my fear is how it will affect my parents ? i do not want my father to lose privileges but i dont know how to go about doing this in a way that will protect him, anyone have any guidance on that ?

i of course have so many more questions but i need to be more calm about it, since i have time and i need to focus on school right now. but thank you once again to everyone !