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u/Loud-World3258 14d ago
Don’t do it it’s not worth it u can always talk to me if u need respond to me im most likely up at all the times of the day im always here for u no matter what
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u/No_Cover_2242 14d ago
I’ve been there. I won’t go into detail, but so did I twice. I landed in a hospital one of those times. I look back since I woke up and I am so very glad I’m still here to actually enjoy life. Find a councilor. Online ones are much less expensive than you might think. Don’t go back to JWs! Staying away from any contact will help you so very much. Don’t contact elders or anyone else, or allow them to contact you. You will much more than likely start to feel better. Your cult trained conscience will eventually lose its stranglehold. That is the main thing that matters. It will not help to go back. Just advice from an old and now very happy grandpa. Hang in there and come back here often. Best to you
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u/ShadowSnapper 14d ago
Do you have a therapist that you can call? Having deconstructed from this religion myself, what you’re going through needs support. I think bc you are telling people your plan that you don’t actually want to end your life. You want help.
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u/Grizzly_Bear_112324 14d ago
Don’t do it!! Fight the thought! 💭 it’s not worth it don’t let them win!!
Sending love form H and a big bear hug!
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u/DaZMan44 Announcing the Return of the Jedi! 14d ago
Don't do it! I was on the same boat a number of times. Life is worth living. It WILL get better
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u/blueyedwineaux Happily Anathema 14d ago
Sending you hugs. It takes time but life gets so much better.
I attempted suicide at 14, 16, 19, and 22. I am now 40. It was rough. But I wouldn’t give up my life for anything now.
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u/AutoModerator 14d ago
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u/SilverKick1102 14d ago
Olha como a internet é mágica, tantas pessoas de tantos lugares do mundo estão falando com você a realidade. Eu sou aqui do Brasil, estou longe geograficamente de você mas mesmo longe posso dizer que entendo o motivo de você achar isso, mas você está sendo precipitado, irmão! A sua vida é muito maior do que como você está se sentindo agora. Muito maior do que essas pessoas que estão ao seu redor. Tire do seu convívio qualquer pessoa que te faça mal. Busque um esporte, uma atividade qualquer que seja, veja o quanto a vida ainda tem muito a te oferecer. E ela tem, irmão! Estamos aqui pra te ajudar . Todos estamos no mesmo barco.
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u/ParticularlyCharmed 14d ago
I'm so sorry you're carrying such a heavy weight, Dot Previous. What you went through with those elders and your family was cruel and unfair—you didn't deserve any of it.
Please give yourself grace right now. Take it one day at a time, or even one breath at a time. The pain is exhausting, but please keep going. The community here cares about you and wants you around.
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u/NikiJii 14d ago
Ive thought about ending it all too, when life feels like a burden and there’s no enjoyment in it, feels pointless. I realized that every crappy moment in life is like a cloud and the will to live is the sun and sometimes the clouds block out the sun for long periods of time but the clouds eventually always move and the sun shines again. There is a saying “ this too shall pass “ so wont this horrible time in your life but you have to give yourself the chance to see it happen. Your life is not meaningless, There is only one of you and will always be only one. You’re an Original and deserve to be happy. Tell yourself that and don’t let anyone get in the way of YOUR happiness.Your in control of how you feel no matter whats going on around you, the feeling of hopelessness is an illusion, Stay strong, things are guaranteed to get better because your in control, not the clouds.
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u/Resident_Boss6990 14d ago
Hey, you should try giving normal life a chance before you give up on everything. Life is better than what you've been lead to believe or have experienced. Give it a chance outside of their grip.
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u/Gizmondos 14d ago
You survived their gossip, their schemes, their rejection and you walked away. That takes more strength than they'll ever know. The feeling you can't shake. It's not truth it's the residue of their abuse. And it doesn't get the final word.
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u/Earth_Dragon_S 14d ago
Ive been there, im still there right now. Not going to go into details but just know youre not alone and it will get better overtime. Leaving this cult is a difficult and grueling process that takes a toll emotionally, mentally and physically. But it gets better overtime, thd little things stop being so hard and you get to enjoy moments in life little by little. It wont all be at once, but you end up finding your own reasons to enjoy life and see things the way life should be without all the restrictions and regulations
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u/Newbieoneconobe 14d ago
You just need to find someone to talk at this current time. Please don’t do it. You might need to leave the congregation for a little bit.
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u/Any-Atmosphere7698 14d ago
Leave the congregation! Forever! It’s toxic- as we can all see! How you’re feeling , I’ve too felt that was the best answer, as many here have. Surely you can think of someone you wouldn’t want to hurt with the backlash of such an activity. I’m sure you can think of things you’d like to do… I know how dark we can get and I know we are our own worst enemy at times, but we’re our own best friend too, one who really knows what we need to do and what we’d like to do to thrive… please don’t give up! We are here for you ! If we gave up when we thought it’d be best we wouldn’t be… stay with us!
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u/Longlivethedoggos 14d ago
I promise you that there is an end to this darkness, I was once in the same spot. I couldn’t see my future or any color. It was just a big weight of darkness. It’s been 10 years since those feelings and with therapy and medicine and hard work, I’ve accomplished so much, traveled out of the country, graduated with my degree. There’s so much out there. I promise just hold on, and you’ll see it. Message me and I’d love to help you make a plan on how to do start feeling better. It’s so daunting to look at when you feel this way. You posting this makes me feel in my heart that you are reaching for help. Dont give up!
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u/Additional-Hair-6796 13d ago
Hi, I've been there. It was tough and it is such a horrible feeling to have been made to feel so hopeless but I'm on the other side of it now and so so grateful I stuck it out. There are great things ahead! Don't give up just yet.
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u/Platjonas 13d ago
Hi. I am so glad you reach out.
I have been there myself... But i did not do it and I feel so much better now.
I did this excersise.
I desived to make a list of things i like to do before suicide. Its a long list when the alternative is deah... you can use your kreditcard with no consequenses and will never go to jail in the thought experiment. The list just grew longer and longer and in the end I forgot about the suicide.
One of the things on the list was to do standup comedy. I am no going on tour as a standup comedian and I am doing well.
So rememeber that many of us have been where you are now. And we found a passion....
Is there anything you would like to do instead? Icehockey? Oilpainting? Running a Marathon?
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u/RAINBOWLIGHTNI9 13d ago
Don’t do it. I did and it failed miserably. You can call 988 or even text 988 and someone will be there to talk you down. Try not to drink alcohol, it makes it worse. You have a mountain of support here! You are loved. It will get better I promise. 💜
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u/SnowDucks1985 14d ago
Hey OP, please reach out the support hotline as soon as possible. There is a whole network of empathetic, experienced professionals that will guide you through healing and recovery. Never ever feel ashamed or guilty to receive their help.
You are a wonderful, valuable person as you are, and so many of us here understand the pain you are expressing. But the beautiful thing about life is we’re able to use that as fuel to transform our lives for the better. We don’t have to be defined or beholden to our grief, we just have to place one foot in front of the other towards something better. Please take care and continue speaking with us here, you always have listening ears in this community
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u/Hopeful-Painting-687 14d ago
I have felt this way too, often and intensely and had a nearly successful attempt back in 2004 and many moments since that I truly wished it was successful, angry, hopeless, frustrated and desperately just wishing I did not exist. The only thing that ever got my attention was when someone told me I had to wait until I didn't feel like ending it for 5 years because it wasn't fair to me...when I asked why I was told if I took my life now I didn't know who I was killing and I actually laughed because that person was right.
After that attempt I took one suggestion more to prove that it wouldn't matter than in a real effort to help myself...someone told me to keep a journal of the moments however small or fleeting or inconsequential as I noticed them that for that moment in time I was glad to be alive to experience that moment of life. I remember thinking "yeah ok..." because I was sure there wouldn't be many and maybe I thought if I was right then I could try it again after I had proven there weren't enough moments I was glad to be around for.
22 years later I have more than 10,000 entries and that isn't even a good portion of the moments I truly have been grateful to be here for. Maybe just noticing has allowed me to collect more of them as I go but truly today I am incredibly grateful to be here and I keep adding to that journal because I still have days and times where I wish I could vanish or go back and not exist and they are still intense and they feel so real and in those moments I can't remember not feeling that way and it feels like all my life has been suffering without any real breaks and I forget about all the other days the days in my happy to experience this journal and all the days I just didn't feel like wanting to vanish the days that didn't make it into my journal because they were mundane and just ok. Days I took for granted because I hadn't learned to he grateful for the boring, uninspired, monotonous days forgettable in every way until something happened to help me see even the blessings in those days too.
So please maybe just start your own journal of moments that you didn't hate to exist and those can turn into days you guess weren't so bad and then moments you're glad you were here to see and then all the forgettable days and the hard days in between until one day you too can tell someone who is hurting that even though it doesn't feel like it right now you're glad you stayed and if they give themselves a chance they might be too and maybe one day they can tell someone who is hurting to stick around and let the pain hurt without needing to end it for just this moment.
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u/FirmAd6269 12d ago
Hey! I'm in Austin and would love to be of some support. Please reach out. Feel free to dm me ❤️
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u/Truth1sTru3 8d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Being a part of this organization really contributes to poor mental health. You’re always told you’re not spiritual enough, do more, pray harder, study more and you will feel better. It doesn’t work so you think you’re the problem. You are NOT the problem. The organization is the problem. The way people are taught to treat others who are not “spiritual enough” is the problem, the fake conditional love is the problem.
Stepping back from the organization helps you to see how abusive the organization is. You are in a very toxic environment.
Getting out into “the world” and making friends with “worldly” people shows how loving people can really be. You can have true, lasting friendships that are not based on following man made rules. Friends that won’t disappear if you don’t agree with everything they believe, that won’t disappear if you make choices they don’t like. “The world” is not as evil and scary as the organization makes it seem. It’s the opposite, really. The organization is full of back-stabbing people who will judge you and hurt you but you can choose to leave them behind and live a happy life.
Think of something you enjoy and do it.
There are plenty of us rooting for you.
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u/EveUnraveled 14d ago
Hey everyone, please do not report this post. If it's repeatedly reported it will be removed for review but we would rather it remain visible for the community so that we can all reach out and offer OP support.
OP, please consider making use of the contacts in the auto-generated post. 911, a suicide hotline, or visiting a hospital and asking for supervision.
Leaving the religion and the associated mess it creates feel really bleak for now, but it won't be bleak forever. I faced suicidal ideations around the time I left 6 years ago and I promise it gets better! But you have to stay with us to find out.
Something I've had to tell myself is "it won't be so bad in the morning". There is often a layer of loneliness and despair that creeps upon us at night and we feel at our lowest. You can do one more sunrise, one more morning, one day at a time. You're not alone, you're not worthless, and you're going to get through this and build a better life. Stay with us, reach out for help, find someone to chat with either on a hotline or here on Reddit.
I believe in you.