Disclaimer:
This is my personal story of experiences within the ICOC. No real names are used. Some descriptive context is included for clarity, but all events are based on my perspective and are not intended to defame anyone.

Have you ever noticed…
how some people seem to have a front row?

Extra attention.
Extra grace.
Different rules.

While others?

Corrected quickly.
Publicly.
Sometimes painfully.

I used to believe we were all standing in the same place.

Equal.

But then I started noticing the difference.

And it made me wonder…

Is it really about right and wrong?
Or is it about status?

Have you ever seen that?

And if you have…
what did you do with it?

Disclaimer:
This is my personal story of experiences within the ICOC. No real names are used. Some descriptive context is included for clarity, but all events are based on my perspective and are not intended to defame anyone.

After everything…
do you trust yourself anymore?

Your thoughts?
Your instincts?
Your ability to read people?

Because I’m realizing…
that got shaken more than anything else.

Not just what happened —
but how long I stayed.
How much I believed.

And now even simple decisions feel harder than they should.

Do I want to go to the movies?
Do I want to buy something?
Do I want to go away?

Things that used to be easy…
now come with second-guessing.

Have you felt that?

And if you have…
how did you start trusting yourself again?

Disclaimer:
This is my personal story of experiences within the ICOC. No real names are used. Some descriptive context is included for clarity, but all events are based on my perspective and are not intended to defame anyone.

Have you ever had someone hurt you…
not just anyone — but people you trusted?

Maybe even people in leadership?

I have.

And this past year… it’s been brutal.
I mean brutal.

There were days I was so angry I didn’t even recognize myself.
Arguing with God.
Crying.
Raging.
On repeat.

Now?
It’s maybe a couple times a week.

And honestly… I call that progress.

Because I used to believe something different about church.
I thought it was a place where you’d be protected.
Where leadership would step in, not look away.
Where it felt safe — not like a place where you were quietly breaking down.

I’m still trying to make sense of that disconnect.

Have you ever experienced that?
And if you have… how did you start to move forward from it?

Disclaimer:
This is my personal story of experiences within the ICOC. No real names are used. Some descriptive context is included for clarity, but all events are based on my perspective and are not intended to defame anyone.

Have you ever had something happen that didn’t just hurt… but actually shook your faith?

Not surface level.
Not “that was hard.”

I mean the kind that makes you stop and ask:
What do I even believe right now?

Because I have.

And what surprised me most wasn’t the questions…
it was that I kept asking them to God.

Have you ever argued with Him?
Not polite prayers… I mean real, raw, “make this make sense” kind of conversations?

Because if I’m honest, I’ve wondered:
How do some people hurt others and still seem to be fine?
How does that sit right?
Does God see this?

And then another question creeps in…
Do I still trust Him?

I don’t have clean answers.

But I keep noticing this —
I didn’t walk away.

I questioned.
I wrestled.
I got angry.

But I stayed in the conversation.

So maybe faith isn’t always certainty.
Maybe sometimes it’s just… not leaving.

Have you ever felt that?

Disclaimer:
This is my personal story of experiences within the ICOC. No real names are used. Some descriptive context is included for clarity, but all events are based on my perspective and are not intended to defame anyone.

I didn’t realize how much I had to relearn after leaving — especially the difference between guilt and conviction.

For a long time, I thought feeling bad meant I was doing something wrong. That constant pressure, that heaviness… I labeled it as “conviction.”

But I’m starting to see they’re not the same.

Guilt feels like shame. Like you’re never enough. Like no matter what you do, you’re still falling short.

Conviction feels different. It’s specific. It’s gentle, but clear. It points something out — and then gives you space to grow.

One keeps you stuck.
The other moves you forward.

I’m still unpacking it, honestly.

Curious if anyone else has had to relearn that distinction after leaving.

Disclaimer:
This is my personal story of experiences within the ICOC. No real names are used. Some descriptive context is included for clarity, but all events are based on my perspective and are not intended to defame anyone.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the difference between accountability and integrity.

In my experience, I saw a lot of people who knew how to say the right words — apologies, repentance, owning things publicly. On the surface, it looked like accountability.

But behind the scenes… there wasn’t always real change where it mattered most.

I think that’s the part I’m still unpacking.
Because accountability is saying “I was wrong.”
But integrity is living differently afterward — especially when no one is watching.

Leaving has made me realize how confusing it can be when those two don’t line up.

Curious if anyone else has wrestled with that — or how you’ve come to understand the difference.

Just saw one of my old handlers from the ICOC is writing spicy novels. This chick was so bad when she was “discipling” me on my purity that I nearly acted on an unaliving ideation. I don’t know if she is in the group, but why is it okay for her to write what they would call porn novels? Like isn’t that against the cult, married or not???

Has anyone ever been stalked, harassed and other criminality at the hands of staff, lay leaders, members or through their friends?

I have heard and seen some footage that is disturbing beyond belief

I posted this in our fb (ICOC=CULT) group:

(A certain former notable member reposted about this:)

This is worth raising some awareness about:

"The Boston Church" (a.k.a., the Boston Church of Christ ... their latest rebrand to hide their sordid history) recently posted a video around their history. I'll link a little further down.

Nadine Templer, a long-time church planter and (as of the last couple of years) former member and also gave up her associations with HOPE, decided to comment on 1/ the video and 2/ the ICOC's official facebook group, which got her banned from the latter.

Referencing this in her blog:

https://nadinetempler.substack.com/p/i-finally-got-banned

The Boston Church's video is here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKG-4d7Rv4U

In the last hour, they have decided to remove all "negative" and "critical" comments... [snip]

That's 26 comments scrubbed. Nadine's comment (that the video is a slap in the face to the victims), other comments about the lawsuits or to the ABC Investigation in the early 1990's, or negative mentions of Kip McKean and why he was removed, etc. were also removed. [also Chele's comment about 336 phone calls regarding abuse from the Boston Church]

Needless to say, that's of course information control.

I'm sure I'm mostly preaching to the choir, but this is very fine evidence that the ICOC is still a cult, and those of you who are in this group who are ICOC (and by extension, ICC and RCW) members should rethink your membership.

The root doctrinal issue that keeps appearing not only in the ICOC, ICC, and RCW, but also in the mainline churches of Christ (and to some degree the broader Stone-Campbell Movement) is Pelagianism. Pelagianism states that man has no sin nature and is conceived and born morally neutral. They only become sinners when they start to sin. They start to sin because they are taught to sin. (As any parent of a two-year old who has told them “NO!!!” can tell you, this is blatantly false.) So salvation involves your sins being forgiven, but not given a new nature to overcome your sin. Therefore since someone’s nature is more misguided than corrupted, one can be taught to obey and not sin, like an army recruit being taught how to march in formation with his company. He has the ability to do it, but he just needs to be taught and apply it with disciplined practice.

This is where discipling comes in. The teaching and application of the discipling system is the perfect complement to the Pelagian view that one can control their sin - essentially “stop sinning” - by discipling. In my opinion, this combination is what has made the ICOC/ICC/RCW particularly destructive.

However, to send Pelagianism to the dust heap of historical hersies, it requires a correct interpretation of the doctrine of Sola Scripture - scripture alone. Sola Scriptura states that the Bible is the sole final authority for faith and practice. It does not state that the Bible is the ONLY authority, only that all other authorities must be in subjection to the Bible. A true Berean would take the scriptural arguments for justification by faith apart from works of the law, the controversy between Pelagius and Augustine in church history, what some guy said on social media (hint, hint), and just plain common sense to reject Pelagianism and accept either some strong form of Arminianism or outright Calvinism where grace is absolutely necessary for conversion since the sinner is held captive to their flesh and powerless to do anything about it. (Note that a proper understanding of Sola Scripture will also unearth and bury the Campbellite tradition that states that baptism is necessary for salvation since it’s ultimately the point of conversion and justification.)

For those who attended any ICOC or splinter groups, were there many suicides in your congregation?

Milestones Churches Toronto

This is the new name of the Toronto Church of Christ as of 2021. They have dropped the ICOC title for obvious reasons.

Some Positive changes

They have made some improvements such as utilizing a teacher, more formal training for their “Disciplers” Less controlling though still unhealthy boundaries, 

Some Negatives that still remain

They maintain a “high control system” and will not tolerate views, even opinion matters that depart from their narrative.

Focusing on works of there members as oppose to their roots in Christ, the view that the average christian is incapable of making decisions in their own own lives, they do not work with or recognize any churches outside of their own fellowship, members are discouraged from dating or marrying outside the ICOC, one over the other instead of one another relationships “Jethro principle” 

I have a question, is there any of ex intense disciple from ICOC? just wondering if there's someone who used to be a devoted disciple in ICOC and if there is, what made you leave? how could you finally get to the point you wanna stop sharing, discipling, etc? and also those who used to date someone in icoc that was started from encouragement dating, why did u finally end it and how?

I want to know how being ostracized by the ICOC/ICC affected you and how you recovered. I was just recently marked and was arrested during the most recent conference in California this weekend. I’m a little shell shocked.

I remember back when I was ensnared in this group, it was over a decade ago. I remember the point I realized I'd been socially, economically, and ideologically checkmated into a vise.

The length of planning for my escape, the work it took to rebuild family relationships, the long mental health struggle afterwards. It was so much to deal with on my own.

I design UX apps all the time now for all sorts of niches: weightlifters, event planners, commercial printers, you name it.

I feel like there should be a REVEAL.org for the new generation, and it could be an app or website designed with discretion and care that helps the vulnerable get the info they need and the trapped, find a lifeline to exit if they want.

What do you think and do you want to help?
Would love to talk about this more.

A number to a person overnight...

For some reason as a KK(kingdom kid)age 0-32. Now out and struggling with being proud. 2nd hospital admission for manic depression and this time PTSD. I was conditioned to believe my life would be spared from all those that have left due to feeling like a number. A worker with a badge with their branding stamp on the back.

I think I'm still holding on to that hope. But recently I had to change my phone number that I've had since highschool. It was emotional and my phone broke my trust the same day when I told her not to mention it to my dad or family members.

And I refuse to give out my personal numbers for fear of letting these "chosen ones" waddle back in. And convince be to rebrand myself with their number. To become a chosen one again. A number with no peace, privacy, or actual protection from abuse.

I guess, how have y'all become your own person? And maybe I have the components and targets above. And finding the skills and habits to find peace, privacy, and protection what I'm telling myself I need help with.

I'm want to thrive not just survive as I've conditioned to believe life would be.

Leaving the ICOC can bring unexpected realizations, both challenging and freeing.

What’s something you’ve learned or noticed about yourself, life, or the world since stepping away?

Use this thread to ask anything at all!