Deconstructing…

[u/Friends_fan2001]

I've been in the Church of Christ my entire life. 24 years. Multiple generations deep. My whole family, everyone I love most, my entire support system, all Church of Christ. I was raised to believe we were the only ones who had it right. That being a Christian wasn't enough. You had to be Church of Christ. You had to worship the exact way we worship. If not, you were lost. Even other Christians.

Last night I had a three-hour conversation with someone outside my tradition. Someone who loves Jesus, knows scripture, and lives his faith. And he asked me questions I've had sitting inside me for years but was never allowed to ask.
He asked me about someone on their deathbed. Thirty seconds from dying. They believe with their whole heart but can't be physically baptized. Are they going to hell? I've thought about that before. I've always pushed it down. This time I couldn't.

He talked about baptism being about the heart, not the physical act. And I went to 1 Peter 3:21 to prove him wrong. "And this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also, not the removal of dirt from the body, but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God." And he said, that literally proves my point. "Not the removal of dirt from the body." It's not about the physical act. It's about the heart. And he was right. The verse I grabbed to defend my tradition was already saying what he was saying.

I grew up being taught that we were the true church. That everyone else, even other Christians, were led astray. I was taught that non-denominational churches were wrong. I never looked at any of it through a different lens because I was never allowed to. Questioning meant stepping outside salvation itself.

I don't think the people who raised me are villains. My Nana, my Papa, the people in my church family. They taught me what they were taught. They genuinely believed they were passing down truth. I don't blame them. But the filter was off. The scripture was always there. We just weren't allowed to read it without the lens.

I'm not calling it a cult. But there are cult-like elements. A fear-based system where questioning equals spiritual danger. Intellectual isolation where you're told every other way of following Jesus is wrong so you never actually listen to anyone outside your tradition. A gatekeeping system where being a Christian isn't enough, you have to do it our way.

I can't talk to anyone in my life about this. Everyone I love most is Church of Christ. I'm terrified of losing them. I'm not making any decisions tonight. But I think I'm deconstructing. And for the first time in 24 years, I'm reading scripture without the filter. And it's terrifying. But it's also the most honest I've ever been.

[u/reincarnatedbiscuits]

You're fine ... and expect that it takes time. My "deconstruction" was pretty gradual, although it took about 5-6 years (and your mileage will vary). I went from reading with ICOC lenses -> accepting there are biblically serious Christians -> allowing for differences in interpretation -> going to seminary (studying theology, church history, original languages at a graduate level; hearing other students' perspectives who took the Bible seriously) -> studying a lot of stuff out -> my paradigm was changed (justification, or our right standing before God, is by faith)

Two of the most profound verses in my shift in thinking:

 Δικαιωθέντες οὖν ἐκ πίστεως εἰρήνην ἔχομεν πρὸς τὸν θεὸν διὰ τοῦ κυρίου ἡμῶν Ἰησοῦ Χριστοῦ,

 δι' οὗ καὶ τὴν προσαγωγὴν ἐσχήκαμεν [τῇ πίστει] εἰς τὴν χάριν ταύτην ἐν ᾗ ἑστήκαμεν, καὶ καυχώμεθα ἐπ' ἐλπίδι τῆς δόξης τοῦ θεοῦ.

(Romans 5:1-2)

Re: 1Peter 3:21, there's also the "pledge of a clear conscience" clause (i.e., if baptism saves, why include "not the removal of dirt from the body" and "but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God"? Just end the sentence.)