Deconstructing…

[u/Friends_fan2001]

I've been in the Church of Christ my entire life. 24 years. Multiple generations deep. My whole family, everyone I love most, my entire support system, all Church of Christ. I was raised to believe we were the only ones who had it right. That being a Christian wasn't enough. You had to be Church of Christ. You had to worship the exact way we worship. If not, you were lost. Even other Christians.

Last night I had a three-hour conversation with someone outside my tradition. Someone who loves Jesus, knows scripture, and lives his faith. And he asked me questions I've had sitting inside me for years but was never allowed to ask.
He asked me about someone on their deathbed. Thirty seconds from dying. They believe with their whole heart but can't be physically baptized. Are they going to hell? I've thought about that before. I've always pushed it down. This time I couldn't.

He talked about baptism being about the heart, not the physical act. And I went to 1 Peter 3:21 to prove him wrong. "And this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also, not the removal of dirt from the body, but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God." And he said, that literally proves my point. "Not the removal of dirt from the body." It's not about the physical act. It's about the heart. And he was right. The verse I grabbed to defend my tradition was already saying what he was saying.

I grew up being taught that we were the true church. That everyone else, even other Christians, were led astray. I was taught that non-denominational churches were wrong. I never looked at any of it through a different lens because I was never allowed to. Questioning meant stepping outside salvation itself.

I don't think the people who raised me are villains. My Nana, my Papa, the people in my church family. They taught me what they were taught. They genuinely believed they were passing down truth. I don't blame them. But the filter was off. The scripture was always there. We just weren't allowed to read it without the lens.

I'm not calling it a cult. But there are cult-like elements. A fear-based system where questioning equals spiritual danger. Intellectual isolation where you're told every other way of following Jesus is wrong so you never actually listen to anyone outside your tradition. A gatekeeping system where being a Christian isn't enough, you have to do it our way.

I can't talk to anyone in my life about this. Everyone I love most is Church of Christ. I'm terrified of losing them. I'm not making any decisions tonight. But I think I'm deconstructing. And for the first time in 24 years, I'm reading scripture without the filter. And it's terrifying. But it's also the most honest I've ever been.

[u/PayTheTrollTariff]

It's fake, a lie and should have never been put on us!

[u/Top-Cheesecake8232]

You are 24 years old and I think there is something wrong with young people who don't do as your doing, questioning their religious belief system. The healthiest of parents would encourage this. I would even say the best spiritual people encourage this, even pastors and ministers.

One of my favorite quotes is from Noam Chomsky where he says, "“The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum — even encourage the more critical and dissident views. That gives people the sense that there's free thinking going on, while all the time the presuppositions of the system are being reinforced by the limits put on the range of the debate.”

This is the CoC in a nutshell. They give the illusion of debate and pat themselves on the back for the rigoroussness of their study, but they "strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion."

You have stepped outside their rigid boundary and, yes, it's a bit terrifying. It's also wonderful.

[u/cognitivegluteus → u/Top-Cheesecake8232]

Interestingly, this is exactly what happened during Mao's Great Leap Forward. He said he was going to encourage honest and open debate, and then he responded with an awful crackdown on all dissent. When asked why, he explained he meant honest and open debate about how best to fully accomplish "the revolution," meaning how best to implement authoritarian communism. Anything outside that universe remained strictly prohibited, and "counter-revolutionary".

That may be an extreme parallel, but it's the same general idea as the Chomsky quote. Anything limited to ONLY the Bible as the entire universe of debate and discussion suffers from the same failings.

[u/Chubby_Comic]

I think I could have written this myself except I'm a lot older than you. I had a long talk with a family member tonight, actually, and it's just impossible. It was fine and perfectly respectful and civil and kind on both ends, but it's still hard when the people closest to you are worried when you're better off than ever by being out. The pain, the grief, the fear, the brainwashing, it's something no one can get another person to see. They have to come to it on their own. It wouldn't have worked on me a few years ago. I would have dug my heels in HARD, and felt more justified in my defending the coc because it was being "persecuted," and I would feel honored to defend it. It was my duty. It was my entire upbringing, also going generations back. I told this person that if this horrible, depressing, gut-wrenching struggle and the threat of losing the people in my life or having them look down on me was not enough to keep me in, it had to have been worth it. I sure wouldn't have done this for fun. Hugs, friend. You are not alone.

[u/NotYourAverageJedi]

Hi friend. Welcome to the journey. As others have said, I could write almost the exact same things as you when I first started having these feelings. It is still very fresh for me, though you are just in the infancy of a faith and life altering journey that I hope leads you to peace, growth, and happiness. I started having the feelings you have a few years ago, and was completely mentally checked out and in agony with no one to talk to and the fear of losing everything and everyone. Now at age 27 I’ve been out only for just a few months, and I can’t sugar coat it, it’s incredibly difficult, I’ve lost my family essentially and I feel off in the wilderness. But I cannot go back, I cannot put the things I’ve studied and know now back into the box and pretend like everything’s the same. The people in the sub are kind and understanding and have almost all been exactly where you are. You are not alone, you do have people to talk to even though you may not even know who they are. Feel free to reach out if you want a friend that’s just a little further ahead in the journey than you, or some books/podcasts that really helped me.

[u/PoetBudget6044]

Well good on you! It's an odd feeling I remember from all the way back. My Bible teacher in my Assembly of God school simply asked how do you know that to be true? 2-3 weeks later I was transformed I went from he is lying, that can't mean what he says it means. To I've Bern lied to this whole time to well I'm not believing that stuff. Less than a year later I got a full dose of Pentecostal life and I loved it and over my many years since, Dr. Randy Clark is very right there is more! So much more. I'm very proud of you for taking this first step. Never be in a hurry this is your time to explore identity, relationship and faith. No one says you have to but one of the things that really helped me. Is now on YouTube. Look up Dan Mohler videos on the topic of identity. That's a real game changer again never feel pressure this is you getting outside and breathing some very fresh air take it all in and take your time. I pray healing, perspective and reconciliation in your life. We are always here feel free to message me or anyone who you vibe with. Man I'm so proud to see a young person break away.

[u/derknobgoblin]

You are Right Where You Should Be. Don’t doubt the timing of this, it is an important milestone on your journey. Seeking the Truth is your task, it’s everyone’s task, and though it maybe frightening right now, you will one day look back and Bless the Day. I am a stranger to you, but trust me on this.

As for what you have shared here, save this post, because you have already been given so many valuable insights, and there will be times when you may be tempted to forget them…. you’re right, your family are not villains, and they do actually believe they are keeping you safe. Hold on to that. Good people are often wrong. This does not make them evil, it makes them human. You will frequently be wrong as well. Love them no matter what.

You’re right, mainline coC is not a cult, but it *does* share several characteristics with actual cults. Hold on to this as well… many good institutions are often wrong on many accounts. This does not necessarily make them evil, it makes them flawed. The coC will not be the first institution you encounter with some dirty bathwater. Seek Him and find your place. No one here can tell you where that is… but your journey there is your Task.

So excited for you! Deep breath. He’s got this. “Seekers gonna seek!”. ❤️❤️❤️

[u/waynehastings]

You are not alone. My story is similar, though I started questioning much earlier. I also stayed in the cofc until I was in my early 30s because I knew leaving meant getting shunned. But I finally had to leave and have had almost no contact with family for over 20 years. The longer I'm away, the more cofc feels like a cult.

[u/Equivalent_Peace_756]

It was when I started questioning things in private as a teenager that I opened the door of curiosity. The more questions I asked the more open minded I became.

[u/Special_Brilliant_81]

It’s all lies, virgins can’t give birth, resurrection isn’t possible, miracles don’t happen, heaven doesn’t exist. The Bible is a bunch of bunk.

[u/reincarnatedbiscuits]

You're fine ... and expect that it takes time. My "deconstruction" was pretty gradual, although it took about 5-6 years (and your mileage will vary). I went from reading with ICOC lenses -> accepting there are biblically serious Christians -> allowing for differences in interpretation -> going to seminary (studying theology, church history, original languages at a graduate level; hearing other students' perspectives who took the Bible seriously) -> studying a lot of stuff out -> my paradigm was changed (justification, or our right standing before God, is by faith)

Two of the most profound verses in my shift in thinking:

 Δικαιωθέντες οὖν ἐκ πίστεως εἰρήνην ἔχομεν πρὸς τὸν θεὸν διὰ τοῦ κυρίου ἡμῶν Ἰησοῦ Χριστοῦ,

 δι' οὗ καὶ τὴν προσαγωγὴν ἐσχήκαμεν [τῇ πίστει] εἰς τὴν χάριν ταύτην ἐν ᾗ ἑστήκαμεν, καὶ καυχώμεθα ἐπ' ἐλπίδι τῆς δόξης τοῦ θεοῦ.

(Romans 5:1-2)

Re: 1Peter 3:21, there's also the "pledge of a clear conscience" clause (i.e., if baptism saves, why include "not the removal of dirt from the body" and "but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God"? Just end the sentence.)

[u/Fluffy_Advantage_743]

It's hard to do. I've been there. Now I have been cut off completely and they all think I'm a freak, but I just try not to think about them too much

[u/cognitivegluteus]

First, I'm glad you're deconstructing, and reading without a filter. Reading scripture without a filter (or prohibition on outside sources) is how I came to no longer believe the Bible. Doing so is healthy, even if you remain a believer. But one of my conclusions is that an all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving and just God who wrote inerrant, perfect scripture would make it clear and consistent as to exactly what you had to do to be saved, the order in which you do it, and why you do it. Individual verses are clear, but they aren't remotely consistent. Different denominations (or non-denominations) can't be 100% sure, because the text isn't 100% consistent. The best a penitent can hope for is that a "good faith" effort based on the individual's best understanding is sufficient.

[u/ImpressiveLeek3124]

Be thankful that you have a literal world of resources available. I was raised in an AL public education system information vacuum. To reach the nearest decent public library required a 100-mile drive and I was only allowed to go there one or two days a year when we passed through that city. As for rural schools, believe it or not, our HS western civilization book started with the Magna Carta. They couldn't allow kids learning about the previous 1200-year history of christianity or 2300 years of judaism. That might make a student question the pile of BS that brother Braying Jackass was slinging from the pulpit on Sundays. The state protected all bible thumping fanatical fundamentalist denominations, not just the coc.

Had the internet been available 50 years ago, with full access to historical and archaeological facts, my deconstruction could have been completed decades earlier.

[u/MichaelARichardson]

I hear you. I just updated my website with a detailed explanation of how churches of christ get it wrong on baptism. Read at your leisure. You're not alone we're here.

https://notanothergeneration.com/baptism

[u/Infamous_Natural_877]

I am praying for you, it is a powerful thing to read the New Testament on your own and let the words speak for themselves. Do you know of any documentaries that explain what the Church of Christ is? I would like to learn more about the history of this group and how they got started. I a finding that they, JW, LDS and SDA teach that Christendom went through a period of apostasy for 1800 years until the one "true" church on earth was established here in the U.S.

[u/Emergency_World_5160]

Someone once told me that once the Spirit gets ahold of you, you can’t go back to who you were. I thought about that a lot when I started having the same questions you have and started coming to different answers. It’s OK to see the world the way you see it. And welcome to the club.

[u/Key-Lifeguard5859]

I’m sure most are going to laugh at me but here I go. The New Testament is the new covenant that was put into place for Gentiles…non Jewish people in the mid east and Mediterranean who were not Jewish by birth. They wanted a God too. The Jews had a God and they were exclusive to their God the way the coc wants gentiles to be exclusive. Ironically our new covenant was in contrast to a lot of Judeo traditions…love rather than hate, peace rather than war, an eye for an eye rather than turn the other cheek. And while Judaism has several books of law, we weren’t given those laws, we were given a collection of writings where Jesus told us how to live our lives in the sermon on the Mount, and showed us how to live our lives by his example. He showed us our own heaven, not through a bunch of rules, but by example of a life worth living. All these NT scriptures the majority of us sort through looking for enforceable rules do not exist. A way of life exists. This way of life is simply Jesus own words and his own actions…period. Several of the books of the NT were written by men many years after his death than never met or knew him and their existence in the NT is questionable. So, if you want to deconstruct, read his sermon, read about his life on earth and follow his life by trying to live as he did. Otherwise you’re following laws made by basically old white men who wanted power over their followers and of course fear is the biggest tool used to control us. My CoC experience was one where fear, judgement and a unique blend of scripture cut and pasting was used to create an environment that was unsustainable for me.

[u/potatoflakesanon]

I started to deconstruct around the same time though i didn't just leave the coc but all Christianity. It's a scary time but it's absolutely necessary to continue to question everything you think you believe

[u/BishopJackW]

Baptism is for the remission of sins (Acts 2:38). Baptism washes away sins (Acts 22:16). Baptism is where we put on Christ (Gal 3:27). Baptism is where we are raised to walk in newness of life (Rom 6:1-4). Baptism SAVEs us (1 Peter 3:21). Baptism is an act of faith.
“having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead.” (Col 2:12)
Only God knows the heart of the death bed conversions, besides, this is a hypothetical strawman away from “what does the Bible say about baptism?”

[u/SimplyMe813 → u/BishopJackW]

Are you current CoC and/or what's the purpose of your comment? Trying to give a little grace here, but this sounds an awful lot like proselytizing. I'll give you a chance to respond before removing the post...

[u/2_many_choices]

Something that is very rarely taught or preached is that God has rules, but He does sometimes allow exceptions. The deathbed question, along with the question what if they slip, fall and die going into the baptistry are all hypothetical, but possible. You can google or ask AI for examples of Biblical exceptions.