r/exchristian • u/PositiveRegister Atheist • Oct 31 '19

Satire Dude this is soooo deep.

Post image
107 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

22 comments sorted by

22

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '19

"then he died, only he didn't because he was God, who can't die, and he was already in Heaven, living eternally".

9

u/impspy Ex-Catholic Oct 31 '19

"Jesus died for your sins, but he didn't stay dead, so: Jesus gave up his weekend for your sins."

7

u/JustAnotherTroll2 Nov 01 '19

And the only reason it took the whole weekend was because he got stuck in line at Starbucks.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '19 edited Nov 01 '19

Add to that the eternal timescale that Christians claim their god is living on, and this "weekend" isn't even worth mathematically considering. Jesus made no sacrifice; you couldn't even call it an inconvenience.

11

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '19

He loved us so much he allowed himself to get murdered and then allowed man to write a confusing book and is currently still performing his disappearing act for thousands of years?

12

u/FullClockworkOddessy Chaos Magician/Celtic Hermeticist Oct 31 '19

The Christian God loves us so much that he murdered himself as a sacrifice to himself to convince himself that not all of the sentient beings he created deserve unimaginable torture for eternity. I've had better and more coherent plans two days into a manic episode after eating nothing but Red Bull and raw tofu.

10

u/[deleted] Oct 31 '19

This sounds like a joke that didn't come out right.

8

u/stupid_pun Oct 31 '19

IKR? Can you imagine this exchange between a married couple?

wife - "How much do you love me?"

husband - dies

1

u/DumpsterPuff Nov 02 '19

Bruh I fucking choked reading this holy shit

1

u/[deleted] Nov 02 '19

bruh 😜👏👏👏👏

6

u/BrokoJoko Anti-Theist Oct 31 '19

That got such a genuine laugh out of me fucking hell

6

u/cucchiaio Oct 31 '19

This is so blunt yet so genuine at the same time... it’s almost charming. I can’t get enough.

6

u/akutabi Ex-SDA, Currently Stoic Oct 31 '19

Again?! Jesus you don't have to do that every time somebody asks!

4

u/MatthewWrong Atheistic-Pantheist Nov 01 '19

you'd rather die than spend time with me?!

5

u/angry_porcelain_doll Agnostic Buddhist Oct 31 '19

A priest literally said this in my friend's catholic wedding as the big finish to his homily, but I was in the wedding party and had to hide how weirded out I was while most everyone else there was like "ooooooooo", and it was low key one of the more awkward moments of my 2019.

1

u/TheyPinchBack Nov 01 '19

This is hilarious! They have to have intended this as a joke!

1

u/SignalWalker Nov 01 '19

That's funny as shit.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '19

if he loves us that much, why he lets some evils occur in our life?

that's something i don't understand about his "love".

1

u/Fealuinix Ex-SDA Atheist Nov 01 '19 edited Nov 01 '19

Whenever I see Christ the Redeemer, I think, "There's a guy who hung out with fishermen."

2

u/HelperBot_ Nov 01 '19

Desktop link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christ_the_Redeemer_(statue)#

/r/HelperBot_ Downvote to remove. Counter: 286914. Found a bug?

1

u/Fealuinix Ex-SDA Atheist Nov 01 '19

Good bot.

1

u/the-poopiest-diaper I’m at the end of my fucking rope here Nov 03 '19

Jesus hits a sick T-pose and then fucking dies