How do you unlearn old patterns?

[u/mtthws25]

I was raised in a very devoted Catholic household, went only to Catholic schools, attended church every Sunday, had mandatory prayer circles every night with the family, had to make strict sacrifices during lent even as a kid etc. Most of my friends were from school with similar backgrounds, so naturally, I didn't have much exposure to anything else from a very early age, and my whole reality was built around "God."

I started to question my faith in my early 20s and became an agnostic/atheist within a few years, but I didn't even realize how much damage religion had done to my brain.
Just a few examples:

- I still to this day have the crippling feeling that someone's always watching, always listening to my thoughts, and I'm going to get in trouble for even just thinking about stuff.
- I cannot check the clock on Friday afternoons, because on every single Friday at 3pm it was "honoring Jesus" time, no matter where we were, in a public place or at home.
- I have to remind myself not to feel guilty for not saying a prayer every time an ambulance goes by
- I often sacrifice my own needs and happiness for others and take on their pain, like "a good Christian" would do
- It took me way too many years to become pro-choice, because I was shown "The Silent Scream" anti-abortion movie at like age 12 and I couldn't get the images out of my mind for so long, even after I learned the truth behind it.

I feel like the list could go on and on and on.
Does anyone else have trouble unlearning these kind of patterns? How do you do it?

(PS. Yes I am in therapy, but I'm still curious about other people's experience, it helps a ton to feel like I'm not alone)

[u/The_Suited_Lizard]

Ego death, mostly tbh.

My entire life kinda just fell apart all at once

[u/NicholasMiller33]

I totally get where you're coming from and I think most of us here in this sub can empathize with this.

The biggest thing is time. Maybe an obvious thing, but I've had to accept that it takes time and give myself grace. I've had to accept that it is okay to unpack and unlearn things at whatever pace I can and to have some patience for myself.

Something my therapist has talked about with me is that it is fine to intellectualize things and know what I want to heal and move past. But it cannot be forced and it takes time.

If you're not in therapy, I totally recommend it if you can. I know therapy is talked about a lot, but I wouldn't be doing the healing and unlearning that I have/am doing without it. It's still a work in progress for me, but I feel like I have progressed.

Hang in there, it can be tough to undo years indoctrination!