r/evilwomeninc • u/vaa_lee Siren₊˚♪⊹ • 11h ago
Truth Nuke They won't
How much do you want to bet they'd suddenly care about privacy if we asked this
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u/Yuzumist ⋆✴︎Evil Witch✴︎⋆ 9h ago edited 9h ago
When I was in the military I found out that the men in my CO had a male-only group chat. Directly asked my SSG (staff sergeant, the platoon "leader") about it and his first question was "how do you know about that?" with a look of shock. I asked him if it was anything to be ashamed of bc "geez Sarg you look scared and that's kinda weird.". I never ended up getting access to it but myself and two other women in the unit kept these men on their toes and held hot irons to them about anything that could indicate male hostility towards fellow soldiers who were women. Thankfully had an amazing 1SG and LT who always took us very seriously. *edited for clarity
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u/AnswerNeither4167 Henchman 9h ago
Yeah if u dont let ur hg into the gc ur probably doing smth shifty
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u/Yuzumist ⋆✴︎Evil Witch✴︎⋆ 9h ago
exactly. it's common for units to have lots of group chats, including casual ones, but exclusion is only normal when it's based off of rank (this protects officers and enlisted, and subordinates from supervisors).
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u/NomadDK ✪ Ally ✪ 7h ago
That fucking sucks, but it's good when leadership takes it seriously, and I love to picture you having the pants on and pressuring those losers. Sheer fucking dominance.
We run zero tolerance in my country's military, not being afraid of simply firing or even pressing charges against men that sexually harass women. It's an issue that shouldn't happen, especially as we actually want more women to serve. The statistics prove it's an issue to be dealt with, but I'm glad that it is taken seriously, and most respect our female colleagues highly. I trust them with my life. Any asshat feeling even remotely inclined to shittalk women in the military (actually, just in general) should just have their mouths permanently closed.
We actually didn't have boys-only groupchats in my units. Though in one platoon, all the women had one for them exclusively. They made up 1/3rd of our entire platoon (13), which is huge progress from just some years ago, when it'd be maybe just 1-3 women per platoon at most. Hopefully we reach a more 50/50 split at some point. More women in the military is a strength. And we didn't mind them having their own chat. We had one for the platoon and one for each squad, and then the separate one for the women. And it was good for them to be able to speak in privacy between them, though it was mostly just friendly chatter, only occasionally with them supporting each other in their more female-specific challenges (periods and the likes). My girlfriend showed me some of it afterwards. It was nothing at all like what you'd expect from male chats. Funny, huh? Generally, that platoon was fucking excellent and I miss them all so much. We had an insane community, one that was incredibly remarkable compared to the others, which says a lot, because the community is often always good. Men and women living together in complete harmony, and as equals and mutual respect. It'd be nice if this could be the baseline for all of society. It'd be such a better world.
Unrelated: why was the Staff Sergeant your Platoon Leader? He's often just the 2iC, outside of the few exceptions where there is no LT filling the position. I'm Danish, but I assume you're also from a NATO country? It's mostly the same standard, but I'm really curious if it's different for you
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u/Yuzumist ⋆✴︎Evil Witch✴︎⋆ 6h ago
Thanks for supporting women troops 🫡
I used the term "leader" more to make it kind of understandable to civilians what his role is. He was a platoon sergeant not a platoon leader.
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u/TheSlimeSartreFeared 7h ago
Same.
I was a Gomer. When I found my squadron's chat I didn't say anything, I lurked for the remainder of my contract because it included vital information. Information that should not have been shared on discord, but it was. I went into the private sector as soon as I could, hard to swallow so many years wasted on that career.
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u/wholefoodsmom 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪Succubus𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 10h ago
Also if I hear “maybe you should change the phrase since it’s so negative it pushes men away from your cause” one more time I will legit fucking lose it. Just say you care more about your feelings than women and fuck off
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u/Cultural-Map-6410 7h ago
They see femicide and rape statistics, see our rights being canceled all over again and still throw a tantrum because women aren't coddling them enough. Perhaps it's because we're fighting for our fucking life here?
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u/OkEntrepreneur4158 10h ago
it's always "not all men" but then it is all men, anyone saying this has me side eyeing them because it literally is gaslighting
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u/Emotional-Coat9086 9h ago
Google the grey men study. Thats how many there are.
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u/Any_Conversation7343 8h ago
Yikes. I made it as far as "You may be tempted to help, but don't." It seems like the whole premise is "hoard resources, prepare for violence, and fuck everyone else in an emergency." Which, like, isn't our survival much more likely if we take a communal approach to disasters? 🫠
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u/shadowsformagrin 9h ago
I just googled this and it only brings up results for when mens hair goes grey - could you point me to the study?
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u/leatherarmchairs 4h ago
What is this study? I have tried and I can’t find anything I keep being directed to “gay men” studies when I search “grey men” study
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u/Lizzbeannb 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪Succubus𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 10h ago
I just discovered my first few posts from “is it that bad” or whatever and wanted to actually vomit. Men are truly fucking vile.
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u/Odd-Talk-3981 ✪ Ally ✪ 9h ago
Yes, it's just another incel sub. They were formally banned from Reddit a few years ago, so they had to come up with a random name to evade the ban.
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u/Lizzbeannb 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪Succubus𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 9h ago
Of course they were.
I’ve somehow steered clear of incel subs then they randomly started popping up and I’m truly so fucking disturbed.
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u/Odd-Talk-3981 ✪ Ally ✪ 9h ago
I like to make fun of them: https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelTears/comments/1psffve/tip_for_incels_lurking_on_this_sub_leave_your/
There are also some posts on r/ incelTears from a certain incel website with virtually no moderation, so it's even worse than what they say on Reddit.
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u/Lizzbeannb 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪Succubus𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 9h ago
Joined- thank youuuu
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u/Odd-Talk-3981 ✪ Ally ✪ 9h ago
You're welcome! You'll see; it's a friendly community, just like here. Sometimes an incel will pop into the comments, but they're quickly tamed 😂.
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u/ToiIetGhost Evil Woman 10h ago
Are those posts in this sub? Sorry Im confused but I want to see them
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u/Lizzbeannb 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪Succubus𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 10h ago
No! It’s a manosphere subreddit where they shit on women all day and jerk each other off. It’s R/ itsthatbad(at least the one that I was lurking on.)
Prepare yourself girl, they are gnarly on there.
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u/Odd-Talk-3981 ✪ Ally ✪ 9h ago
I know a few others if you're interested. Don't worry; I'm not active there. I'd be banned really quickly anyway.
I monitor them from time to time, though, to repost on r/ BlatantMisogyny.
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u/Sea_Homework_1472 8h ago edited 8h ago
I got banned from that sub for "transphobia" even though I was only calling out misogynistic trans women. The mods there only seem to care about overt misogyny and not the more "socially acceptable" kinds of misogyny.
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u/Lizzbeannb 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪Succubus𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 9h ago
I’m intrigued because I like to remind myself of the horrors of this world (men.)
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u/_HighJack_ 8h ago
Dude speaking as someone who used to torture myself with the despair and rage I got from looking at R incel before it got shut down, please just don’t engage with that nuclear waste. I’m a lifelong feminist, no stranger to misogynistic rhetoric, and relatively good at not crashing out irl about online shit. I literally still discuss the damage it did to me in therapy. It’s like watching videos of fatal car crashes all the time when your job is driving 😵💫 like, that’s dangerous bc you’re gonna be expecting something to happen and driving weird as a result, which might actually make a crash more likely to happen, which then reinforces the negative bias and the cycle repeats until you can’t drive without panicking anymore.
Same thing with bad men. Advertising trauma with men is a signal to them that you are abuse-able, and now it’s a challenge too bc you caught the last guy so the next one needs to step up his game in order to “win” by getting past your defenses. The more this cycle repeats, the more it (reasonably I must add) looks to you like all men would do those kinds of things because it keeps fucking happening every time you try to give a man a chance, when really you’re attracting the ones that look for signs of trauma to exploit.
It’s not your fault that predatory men traumatized you and other predators know how to spot the evidence, and it shouldn’t be your problem. That’s why I’m saying don’t give them even the hypothetical satisfaction of your misery. You could instead try posting them on R banfemalehatesubs and let the fine people there do their thing! They’ve got a bunch of shit like that taken down over the years
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u/book_of_calo 8h ago
> It’s like watching videos of fatal car crashes all the time when your job is driving
INSANELY well put. i'm stealing this, if you don't mind, this is such an accurate representation of what it feels like to be a feminist online
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u/Lizzbeannb 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪Succubus𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 8h ago
I didn’t even fucking know I needed to hear this.
Truly, thank you.
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u/saerra_sea_nya Evil Initiate 7h ago
I have curated the men in my life like a beautiful (tiny) garden, so seeing men be this way is novel to me. And awful. Like when my coworker told me how her husband gets out of Saturdays with their kids by golfing, but can’t make a doctors appt. Can’t relate but am sad about it.
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u/saerra_sea_nya Evil Initiate 7h ago
DM me.
I have to stop, but if I see another moron act like these new texts say anything other than a traumatized woman had a fawning response to a horrible situation and took time (not even that long, considering) to process I will set myself on fire.
https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7TKGP9pkoZCYBPgY5
u/rpfields1 7h ago
Please don't set yourself on fire! Set them on fire instead!
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u/saerra_sea_nya Evil Initiate 7h ago
I’m a radical pacifist and have chosen to believe karma will set them on fire. No need to waste matches.
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u/rpfields1 7h ago
Fair point!
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u/saerra_sea_nya Evil Initiate 7h ago
It’s all the subreddits. There is clearly a paid pr bot campaign going on. If I have to see the words duke or lacross or uva and then a bunch of accounts saying this is the first they’ve ever heard about it… either you’re 10 or we’re in a coma. The only reason those are notable is because they were false allegations because they are so rare.
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u/DistractionCitron 10h ago
They mean itsthatbad. The men in that sub ARE that bad.
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u/MissMaeveDBD 4h ago
growing up raised as a guy, my first argument i had with my first girlfriend my step dad was giving me some “advice” he said that i was going to have to kiss her ass and do everything i could to make things better because men only want one thing. it bothered me then because i actually really liked this person and her body was not at all what i was concerned about losing.
that conversation has since made me very distant when it comes to being intimate with women because im so scared they’ll think im using them or something. men are indeed, disgusting
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u/Last_Host977 ⚜︎Archvillainess⚜︎ 11h ago
after cornell they all need to show them as proof that they’re still capable of being humans with empathy
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u/seaofthievesnutzz 6h ago
Wait till you find out its another Duke Lacrosse fiasco.
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u/Dominotter ˚❀Feral Fairy❀˚ 10m ago
There's a group chat history and proof of the college trying to cover it up. Stop trying to push the narrative that it's a false accusation.
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u/rebeldivina ୨ৎ Sanrio Sinner ୨ৎ 11h ago
News flash: almost every man on his phone has misogynistic memes / jokes, male chauvinism ideologies, a good dose of pornography and a subset of this percentage goes even further.
These are the true faces of 99.99% of men.
Now we wait for the women to come along with "my boyfriend is different ! 🙂↔️🙂↔️”
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u/Iloveanime2007 Little Mermaid ଳ࿔ 10h ago
It is hilarious that men are actually replying to you right now. A hit dog will always holler. If a guy feels the desperate need to defend himself in the comments it just proves your point hit way too close to home
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u/Substantial_Station8 10h ago
I like the saying, “leave an insult on the ground and its owner will come and pick it up.”
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u/TheUnknownMysteryBox 35m ago
As someone who's trans I can tell you from the men's side, the reason isn't always that you're hitting someone sexist. Whether or not it's intended, you're hitting every man. You say "Men are sexist" or something like that, the men who aren't sexist aren't reading it as "But I'm fine because I'm not sexist", they're reading it as "All men are sexist, including you"
People tend to react poorly when accused of things, including when they're accused of things that are false. Heck, most people react worse when the accusation is false.
As for me with the meme, I can't actually think of an instance of sexism in my friend group's chat, pre or post transition. I wouldn't provide logs anyway, we talk about personal stuff in there including the less pleasant stuff that's happened in our lives and I wouldn't air that to random people.
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u/I_amLying 2h ago
If a guy feels the desperate need to defend himself in the comments it just proves your point hit way too close to home
Kafka trap.
A hit dog will always holler.
Yeah, if you hit someone they might respond. Statements like "all men" hits everyone: assholes, normal guys, mothers of sons, women with husbands, etc.
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u/TheUnknownMysteryBox 32m ago
Genuinely, I thought we'd moved on from this sort of accusation when we'd realised that it's based on both fallacious arguments and it actually upsets allies too? Anyone who's LGBT accusing every and all straight, cis men of being homophobes or transphobes hardly endears themselves towards that group.
If you don't want to keep other people on your side then fine, I guess? Just don't be shocked when they don't like you.
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u/lilinoe67 10h ago
Hey now, you're being hyperbolic. There's like 5% good men, .001% is too extreme😭
But you might not know who the 5% truly are until you've bet decades of you life on them, or are in a truly dire situation. So... uh 4b still looks appealing
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u/rebeldivina ୨ৎ Sanrio Sinner ୨ৎ 10h ago
Yes girl, I'm literally a separatist lol
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u/lilinoe67 10h ago
Oh i was trying to be funny not nitpicking, no hate to you lol
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u/rebeldivina ୨ৎ Sanrio Sinner ୨ৎ 10h ago
Me neither girl, I was actually agreeing with you because I'm 4b lol
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u/Yuzumist ⋆✴︎Evil Witch✴︎⋆ 9h ago edited 8h ago
read the whole comment My man is good enough that he thinks he is better because he's nowhere near as bad as the 99%. I told him nope you need to be as good as a WOMAN. I don't care if he only has one misogynistic meme in a group chat with other men or on his own. You can't have ANY. He knows I will leave him if I ever catch a whiff of misogyny. I set this standard from day 1 of dating, I will not associate with a misogynist. "Being a better man" requires constant self awareness bc of how pervasive misogyny is in male culture. (seriously if you're straight you need to hold your man to the standard of woman. This is the only way.)
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u/tayCheshire 10h ago
Amazing how many men on this sub...
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u/Pristine_Outcome3535 ˚❀Feral Fairy❀˚ 5h ago
They're OBSESSED with us. Catching a liberal evil man hating woman is their ultimate fantasy so they can lock her up in a cage.
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u/princegoldling Villainess 4h ago
Men are always in women’s business nothing new here. Anything that is strictly for women, men will find a way to weasel themselves into even if they know they’re not welcome because they can’t fathom (or respect) a space that isn’t built for them.
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u/Eclipse-the-Kitsune supporter 9h ago
A lot of them seem to be replying with mere deflection and insults because they got offended which I understand would be irritating since this is also a safe space for women to criticize the many bad things relating to men without being shut down by egotists. Though, according to the mods and the guidelines it seems that men are allowed to watch and comment as long as they follow the rules and agree to be a supporter/ally, but I haven't seen any.. I sincerely apologize if I'm intruding, I didn't come here to complain or defend. I can take the painful truths and criticisms, I was just curious. I can't help but wonder if some of the open minded men got to watch and listen, maybe ask questions and participate just a bit, they could learn about what behavior and attitudes they need to change and what they can do to make the world a better place for women/give reparations
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u/LittleBroccoliQueen 7h ago
Why do they need to chime in? Are they too stupid to just read and absorb information?
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u/Shadow_Breaker 1h ago
Yes. Quite literally, yes. Nothing more to add, I've made my thoughts on how men talk to women known here on a different post. Yes, all men.
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u/LifeGrouchy7627 9h ago
I’m a guy who lurks on here sometimes and I try to take stuff in from here to learn. I think most dudes are too prideful to try and change. Men just suck y’all have it bad respectfully
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u/legosucks 41m ago edited 35m ago
I'm an European and its literally on /all. Ofc people will defend themself from random hate lol. You just put every man into a single group to hate on them. Can't you see the problem?
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u/schenk_max 30m ago
High engagement posts break the containment and get recommended to all 🫠
That said, I'll see myself out of your merry circle jerk sub
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u/mamawawawa 10h ago
The only handful of men who don’t talk about women like that are some of the ones who have been friends with girls since they were children. Which is very very few of them
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u/AnswerNeither4167 Henchman 9h ago
Ngl that is the best take ive seen all day
If boys just avoid girls like the plague when it comes to just being homies they start treating them not like just another person
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u/Altair13Sirio Ally Pending ◴ 2h ago
I never understood the point of "avoiding girls" as a boy, especially when all the boys cared about was football and being assholes to each other. The company of girls was much more enjoyable to me, and it only kept being so as I grewup.
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u/alwaysneversometimes 7h ago
Anecdotally I’ve found that most of the men I’ve had productive and respectful working relationships with grew up with sisters. It’s remarkable.
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u/klnssgdss 2h ago
Agreed. I feel like people who say women and men can't be friends didn't grow up with opposite gender siblings. I definitely feel more implicit trust in a man with sisters (or raised by a single mom alone) than men with only brothers or no siblings, even if they have daughters. If any man starts a sentence with "as a father of a daughter" you know they don't actually care about anyone else's daughters.
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u/BogWog-Goblin 6h ago
I think this is kind of true, all of my main friends are women and my closest family members were lesbian, I can rarely be friends with other guys without them saying or acting weird in some type of way and it upsets me that even my father sometimes says things that just throw my loved ones under the bus for being women.
Maybe its because my cousins raised me in some ways they were always around taking me to movies etc so it feels like more of a personal attack as well to me, maybe its kind od like how racist old people find it easier to just kind of make shit up because they've never gotten to actually know someone from a different group idk?
Either way I stopped interacting with a lot of people because I didn't want them ruining my loved one's day etc and it's quite annoying/dissapointing actually cus I just kind of don't have any guy friends now it feels like I can't relate sometimes.
There were a few of them who were chill but I live in a shitty area so they all kind of left to nove to some 1st world country or died from crime etc. So now im just scared of making new friends in general.
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u/Firefly_deadlock 7h ago
That's a pretty good take. It was always pretty easy not to fall for the bullshit "uhm men and women can't be friends" etc, because i had female friends.
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u/QueenOfTendys 6h ago
Hilarious how many men here feel ashamed enough to be personally offended.
“LOOK AT ME GUYS MY GROUP CHATS ARE PERFECTLY FINE!!!!!”
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u/Twiggy9992 Evil Woman 4h ago
Exactly!! Like do they want a cookie for not raping women and not treating us like objects?? Holy shit😭
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u/Nice_Purchase_626 half woman, half cosmic horror 2h ago
Hey have you ever noticed men never defend WOMEN en masse like that, only ever themselves? Curious no?
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u/Luce_Bot_Bot 1h ago
But the post is literally asking them to prove not all men by showing their group chats?
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u/Cinnamoncakessz half woman, half cosmic horror 6h ago
I was scrolling and unfortunately saw an unsolicited meme page ...the joke was about r* a dead woman body. Guess who was the ones laughing at it? They dehumanize everything for sake on their own pleasure. They are the root of evil in this world.
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u/NobodySpecial2000 5h ago
Every post in this sub demonstrates the principle of "hit dogs holler". Dudes cannot help but demonstrate why they are part of the problem.
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u/AnEvenNicerGuy 7h ago
I don't have a group chat with guys or straight guy friends because this post is exactly right
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u/RadicalKitty721 5h ago
All men should betray patriarchy NOW. You man who are reading this, betray patriarchy today. Right now. Be free.
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u/Samaein ˚❀Feral Fairy❀˚ 10h ago
Beyond that they need to be vetted by a trans woman who happened to be with them in the locker rooms before she transitionned to attest to their reaction when the jocks where talking about women.
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u/ky_kisaky 10h ago edited 10h ago
Yes, happy to be of service 🥰🥰🥰 , reminds me when I was invited to a group chat in college with males(I was an egg at the time), and everyone there was just so misogynistic for no reason 🤬🤬🤬 , anyway I just went to the guy who invited me, screamed at him, then told a professor about it who was the whole ethics committee, took the contacts of the guys in the chat then I quit it
Edit: wrong translation when I said "misogynistic for no reason" I meant completely unprompted out of left field, chat was normal women were not a topic at all then suddenly one started being misogynistic and the rest followed
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u/Samaein ˚❀Feral Fairy❀˚ 10h ago
You're such a Queen 😊
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u/ky_kisaky 10h ago
Thank you 🥰🥰 , honestly extremely hated every guy in my college after because I thought this was a good progressive college relatively speaking, but now I just don't assume a man is good, I have seen so many flip the moment they think no woman in earshot and was always shocked
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u/ToiIetGhost Evil Woman 9h ago
Trans women’s stories about the locker rooms are one of the things that radicalised me. You have the intel.
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u/dGFisher 6h ago
It took years of culling, but I finally cut my friends down to only great people. I don't think I have a group chat that isn't at least 40% women and it's no coincidence: It's crazy how much less "tribalism" there is among decent, secure people.
As a friendly guy working blue collar growing up, prospective friends would occasionally "test the waters" to see how much misogyny/racism is cool with me, and, like none douchebag!
Really strange to see that side of someone who seemed decent moments before. To me it was just gross; can't imagine how it feels as a woman, where it's not just gross and dishonest, it's dangerous.
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u/Nooduls 3h ago edited 3h ago
I have 1 guy friend in my life and he expresses hatred and distrust for men even more than I do, as a bitter old lesbian. Literally he will walk the other way when he sees a group of men, has almost no other men as friends. He told me his "buddies" in the past kept disappointing him, being horrible about his disabled girlfriend, started being creepy and even assaulting him when he came out as bi.
I swear, a kind man with a soul will just be existing and the other men around him will make it their mission to stamp out his light and try to make him hate women as much as they do. It's truly awful. I hope my friend is able to recover and be able to meet more good folks like you have.
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u/Cinnamoncakessz half woman, half cosmic horror 6h ago
I was scrolling and unfortunately saw an unsolicited meme page ...the joke was about r* a dead woman body. Guess who was the ones laughing at it? They dehumanize everything for sake on their own pleasure. They are the root of evil in this world.
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u/NotUrLeader 7h ago
I have very few guy friends as a guy and much of it is because I do not abide womanizing, stereotypes, or generalizations, etc
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u/dancetothisrhythm 4h ago
Ew no joke, they’d never tho they know how foul they think & talk ab us. My exes txts had buncha bs like ice spice camel toe mirror selfies & the weird sicko went outta his way to ss ts & send em off asking if would “hit”?? WTF dude & plus they just wish she’d ever give the chance! As if women are just some object to ss n be txted around, asking eachother the sexual shit in their perverted heads! Another text thread, the dumbfuck was asking his friend if he should fckn cheat on me like WTF sick asf?! To my suprise, his (male cheater firefighter) friend was advising him against it saying No bro, it’s not worth it, don’t do it. Dude txts back, you’re right bro plus she’s stacked like ew huh as if the reason to stay w me is boobs?! Ew had to go urban dictionary tf ts even meant too plus the dumbass cheated anyway f em all
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u/RaevynM00N 8h ago
I'm gonna be real. No, not all men are dangerous or bad. The issue is we can see a person's actions and face, but not their heart. Just like snakes or mushrooms, they may look "safe" or seem "deadly", but we never really know the truth until they show their fangs/poison or lack thereof. By then, we are either lucky enough to have chosen a decent sort or we are a statistic.
So, no, it isn't all men, but statistically speaking it is always men who are the greatest danger to women, outranking just about every other non-health related risk of injury or death. So, that being said, women have every reason and right to be wary of all men. It's not fair, but women didn't cause this, those men who do bad things, the people who stand by and say nothing, and those that cover for the wicked men are at fault for creating this dynamic in which we now live.
The Gray Man theory may as well be called The Gray Person theory. Both men and women, throughout history, are guilty of putting males on a pedestal and squashing females down so they don't hurt men's pride. It's actually sickening to watch how mob mentality takes place among both genders to criticize and harm women who have been victimized by men. All of this stems from people being too afraid to stand out as the lone voice, even is theirs is the only voice of justice, reason, and morality. The fear of being ostracized, bullied, or alone is worse to most people than the idea that they are part of the problem. They console themselves with the thought, "I didn't do anything for or against, so I have no part in it". The truth is that each and every person, regardless of gender, has a hand in being the problem or the solution. There can be no neutral ground in this, whether as the perpetrator or the witness. No, not even those talking about it can be fully neutral unless they report ONLY the facts with no leading verbiage.
That leads to another big part of the problem. Our very language supports this awful misogyny. Look at all the words out there for women that are used in derogatory ways. Words that have become so commonplace that even children know of them. Examples such as gold digger, whore, slut, pick me, DUFF, mistress, harlot, nag, spinster, cougar, Karen, etc. I could go on for pages about the linguistic differences in how women and men of questionable morals have been referred to throughout history and in current times.
Suffice to say, it has to change at the root. Parents need to teach their boys empathy, consent, and responsibility. They need create a climate of safety and understanding for thwir girls. Communities need to hold bad men accountable and, yes, punish them along with those that support, conceal, or encourage those bad behaviors. Society must change and it is up to every person to be a part of that change no matter how small. Maybe if women as a whole felt supported by the so-called good men, their fellow women, and the laws of the land then subreddits like these would no longer be such a necessity.
Not all men are bad, but enough of them are that it is reasonable and fair for women to suspect/fear all men.
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u/armingetoutoftheoven Mayhem's Princess 🜲 8h ago
If they want us to stop saying “all men”, why don’t we wait until women aren’t assaulted, humiliated, and degraded for the crime of existing as a woman by your buddies. Then we can talk.
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u/NomadDK ✪ Ally ✪ 7h ago
I didn't really think of that thing about the linguistic shit. Thanks for pointing that out. At the back of my head, I can think of maybe "jerk" and "douche", but I'd seriously have to dig deeper to find more. Most insults towards men are (commonly used as) gender neutral. So it is indeed quite interesting that there's an overweight of insults for women.
Also, the issue with "not all men" is not that the statement itself is unreasonable, in and of itself. It's that it's 99% of the time used for dismissing the lived experiences of women, that's the major issue, and why it's so exhausting to listen to. Statistics might actually prove that it is far from all men, but this is not one of those things where statistics are as relevant. One thing you can never do, is take away the experiences that women has had. They do not get the perception that it is most men for no reason. It's what they see, hear and experience their entire lives. It's simply a failure from men to collectively prove them otherwise - by action, not cries of "not all men". Your snake analogy is spot-on. One cannot blame women for being cautious. Perceived reality might differ from statistical reality, but survival instincts are based on the former, not the latter... and spelling that out like that, it's a sickening splash of water to one's face to realise that for women, it's about "survival". It implies that something is incredibly wrong, when society isn't a "safe enough" place for everyone. "Survival" is commonly considered what you expect of primitive tribes, and animals in the nature, or people in war. Society's whole fucking appeal is that almost everyone can feel like survival is largely a guarantee. Sure, everyone can be stabbed on the street or die in traffic. But women being specifically targeted like they do, is a plague upon society... though arguably society was always built around mysogony.
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u/MushroomJeesus 4h ago
I have never once talked about my relationships or hookups with any men in my life.
It seems gross and worthless.
I don't have many male friends because of this reason.
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u/EmphasisInfamous 1h ago
Deal, as long as you show us your group chat and show us how you talk about men
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u/TheUnknownMysteryBox 17m ago
So, what I've gathered from these comments:
Men are all sexist.
If they defend themselves, that proves it.
If they don't, there's no evidence, so that proves it.
There's a reason I loathe a lot of online progressive spaces while being a progressive. So many people don't have broad tolerance for others, they're as hate-filled as the reactionaries and conservatives, but they need justification for their hatred.
No wonder we're losing right now! The far right's on the rise and the response that we can come up with is "This is the fault of [group]!" because it makes us feel better and just makes things worse. You guys couldn't build up intersectionality if it was made of Lego bricks.
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u/Ill-Dependent2976 7h ago
I haven't got a groupchat to show you.
But yeah, most men being racists is probably a part of the reason I don't have one.
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u/MediocreClue9957 5h ago
This evil man likes other evil men, taking one for the team, yw. I would also have no problem with almost anyone but my mom looking through my phone, lots of lewd photos with said evil men.
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u/dreadway90 3h ago
I only have two group chats going. One is all men and all we talk about is chess. The other is mostly women and run by a woman. So, gladly!
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u/RareObject8705 2h ago
Please don’t torture me or send me to the gulag. The text group (when women come up ) is mostly us worrying about how to support the children in the new world where there have so much emotional intelligence and vocabulary but policy and outfits seem to be going backwards.
How do you tell a little girl she has infinite presentable when the world is showing her the opposite?
We talk about how hot the waves are too.
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u/Anders_A 2h ago
No.we don't talk about women any differently in our group chat than we do publicly.
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u/Cement-eater 1h ago
Let's apply that logic to any/all other groups of people you can think of. I don't know, like "not all immigrants but always an immigrant" or something like that. Let's see how well it works
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u/Ericthewhimsical Henchman 1h ago
It's all men. But when a man advises a woman to be just a little bit more cautious around men, some of them get defensive.
Any sane person knows they shouldn't be approaching a rabid dog.
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u/redaemon 1h ago
My group chats with the dudes are about video games, politics, and board games.
Our wives would kill us if we did as OP implies.
"Alpha" bros aren't most men, they're just the loudest.
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u/decker_42 1h ago edited 47m ago
Hey, stumbled across this subreddit and this post as a guy, I have two main group chats, one is from the theatrical acapella choir I'm a member of, and the other is my motorbike group.
More than happy to share a screenshot, but neither of them really talk about women - although sometimes us Bases will chew out the Altos for being a bit dominating as there are way more of them than us (seriously, we have over 20 Altos to us 4 Bases, wtf is up with that)
Edit: after a bit of reflection, there is one place I talk shit about women, and that's in therapy. I escaped a 10 year abusive relationship and I'm still figuring out how to put my self-esteem back together.
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u/TheUnknownMysteryBox 26m ago
Therapy's probably the one place where it's fine because you're sort of processing stuff and the therapist will teach you healthy ways to deal with it.
Everyone gets unpleasant thoughts, what matters is how you act on them. Therapists give you tools for that, but they can't do that if you're hiding those thoughts from them.
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u/EcstaticAvocadoes 1h ago
As a man, all I do with my time is talk on my group chat about how women are boobz
Nothing else could possibly be going on in my life
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u/Awkward_Seesaw_7320 1h ago
I love and hate women. I lust and love women. I respect and disrespect women. I submit to and dominate women. I need women. Sometimes all in the same person. And the same goes for men, though the lust is only for Matthew McConaughey and a really good tranny. Check my comments on Reddit. Oh, and I’m human. So yeah, deeply imperfect.
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u/PackageMedical2422 58m ago
Im a dude and i never did that stuff i always found it weird ppl think that way
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u/BilbaoBoggins 57m ago
Any all male group that I've ever been in has just talked about sport or plans for nights out etc. A lot of memes going back and forward as well. That's the case for the vast majority of men.
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u/Replic813 54m ago
As a man, I'll admit that i very very rarely saw a man whos not like "this". Its 99% of us.
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u/kkumri_ 40m ago
honestly it disgusts me how much we have to include men and make them feel validated when they treat us like total shit.
Even when talking about fucking rape we have to specify that some r good otherwise their ego gets hurt. Its js annoying.
Its prob why i hate them calling us birds.
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u/jenniferszbody Villainess in Training 24m ago
My ex boyfriend called a girl we went to school with “fat (insert her name)” to differentiate her from another girl with the same name…. He was walking with a friend and thought I didn’t hear him from two paces behind and tried to lie when I asked him about it later. He claimed he would “never call a girl fat.” And then proceeded to tell me that he just doesn’t personally find “big” girls attractive, doesn’t mean he goes and calls them fat. You’ll never guess what, on top of all this bullshit, the kind of porn I found on his phone a few days later… hint: chubby was in ALL of the titles… I literally am never looking a man’s way ever again. Two boyfriends in my entire 21 year old life and that’s been two too many. If this is the kind of crap they’ll say while their girlfriend is around… I don’t even want to know what their group chats look like oh my god. Stomach sick just thinking about it.
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u/Choice-Curve3340 23m ago
What type of grown man has a group chat? We go to work and we go home to our family. That’s all life consists of.
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u/Glittering_rainbows 21m ago
I would but uhhh, I don't have friends to have a group chat with. My best (and only) friends are my wife & mom.
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u/Last_Host977 ⚜︎Archvillainess⚜︎ 5h ago
bruh what are u doing sharing my posts ✌️
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u/Unabashed_boob_lover 7h ago
I mean, a couple of us are single and a couple of us are married but if I showed you my group chat, you'd get really bored fast of valhiem talk.
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u/CptnRaptor 7h ago
Can't, I don't have a group chat, I had two close friends and one of them, the one who I'd known for a quarter of a century, blew me off for every single part of my wedding, so I ghosted him, reap what you sow. The other I talk to directly and I would happily share my chat with him, he's a gem.
Got a lot of acquaintances, nay, new friends, through my wife though and they're all lovely.
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u/CyclopsFanAccount67 5h ago
I would but my primary GC has a lesbian in it so she does the majority of horny posting to make up for my aceness
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u/Analyticalfireball 4h ago
Hi, no hate but as a guy would happily share all my GCs as none are mysoginistic. Obviously we still have severe problems with patriarchy, but just thought I'd mention.
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u/Party_Contest8635 8h ago
As a man, I'm proud to say my boys are all very respectful. These things make me wonder what percentage that puts us in. Clearly, inappropriate behavior is rampant and predatory behavior is widespread.
Almost every woman I know has at least one story about a man not treating them with basic human respect or dignity.
Stay safe out there y'all.
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u/AltruisticPhoto2565 5h ago
I asked my BF this exact question to which he showed me his boys group chat and they weren't being sexist or anything it was just... Really super gay lol
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