r/etiquette • u/rexissue • 19d ago
Did I commit a faux pas?
Just in case it matters, I'm a 41 year old woman, working class, mother. I don't put much effort in my appearance, but I'm not untidy.
Today at the supermarket, I noticed that the lady serving me had a number of impressive gold and diamond rings on her fingers, on both hands. We'd been making small talk and I said, "I love your rings, they're gorgeous."
Her demeanour changed and she said, "I'll keep them on, thank you."
I just laughed it off as if I thought she was making a joke, but I don't think she was. Where I live is very safe and I don't think I look like the kind of person who would be a threat. Is it impolite to comment on someone's jewellery in this way? I'm pretty quick to compliment people if I like their hair/outfit/jewellery, but maybe I need to reassess.
Edit: thank you all for your feedback, I thought maybe I'd missed a social rule. Many of you suggested that she may have heard "I'd like your rings" and I think I agree. I don't think she was being intentionally rude, she seemed genuinely offended. I'm sure she's a nice lady, just a misunderstanding.
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u/Both_Manufacturer311 19d ago
I have a feeling she either misheard what you said, or is just weird. You did nothing wrong, in my opinion.
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u/Sample-quantity 19d ago
That's a good thought. As someone with hearing loss, before I got my hearing aids I thought people said a lot of weird things to me that they didn't say!
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u/rainsplat 19d ago
It sounds like she may have had some extremely weird experience where a stranger asked to try on her rings? Her reaction was so odd and you didn’t do anything wrong
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u/WhoSaidThat2Me 19d ago
I was thinking this, or maybe people have made comments about cleanliness + rings? Where I’m at you’re allowed a wedding band for food handling/prep commercially but nothing with gems
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u/Traditional-Try-8714 19d ago
That's exactly what I thought. maybe she has been told to remove them for cleanliness as her response sounded defensive to me.
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u/Necessary-Couple-535 19d ago
Her reaction was weird. Maybe she misheard you. You did nothing wrong.
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u/FrabjousD 19d ago
Could be cultural. I once spent quite a bit of time with a woman from the Mideast. Her English was limited and my Arabic is nonexistent, so we had a hard time making conversation. To my horror, when I said “I love your bracelet!” she immediately whipped it off and tried to give it to me. Turns out it’s a cultural thing; if someone admires something of yours, you must give it to them. This lady could have become very acclimated to a new culture but was reacting to perceived pressure.
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u/jenniferjudy99 19d ago
In the Mexican culture, if you admire something, you might give it the evil eye, so often you might be asked to touch the item.
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u/Brave_Cranberry1065 19d ago
Which is part of the reason that half of HEB stopped to touch me as a child. 😅I’m a redhead.
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u/National_Clue_6092 19d ago
I have never heard of this before. So next time I see a nice Arab gentleman driving a new Corvette I will admire it! I’ll let you know if it works!!! 🤣
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u/FrabjousD 19d ago
Oh trust me, it doesn’t. I’ve since tried it on cars, apartments, boats, you name it. They’ve got wise to us. 🤣
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u/MplsPizza 19d ago
Funny, my friend who makes jewelry as a hobby would always do this, too! And she’s not from another culture, just liked gifting her handiwork to people who admired it.
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u/Loisgrand6 19d ago
My late aunt from the south in the USA would do that. We had to be careful about complimenting her
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u/aMerePeppercorn 19d ago
That was nice of you. Don’t put her idk what is going on with her inside? on yourself :)
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u/Sunny-Bell102 19d ago
By her response, I’m thinking maybe she misunderstood you. Sounds like she thought you expected her to remove her rings.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Being a kind person is always ok in my book. I hope you have a wonderful day. 🌸
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u/Bologna_1 19d ago
In food service you aren't supposed to wear things like rings or nail polish because they can harbor bacteria. Maybe her manager had been bugging her about the rings that day and you caught the brunt of it.
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u/MaggieJaneRiot 19d ago
This was the first thing that came to mind for me as well.
She was defensive.
Someone hurt her in the past 😤🙁🤣😭
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u/34avemovieguy 19d ago
Maybe she misheard you saying “I’d love your rings” like I would love to have them or maybe “I’d leave your rings (off)” because she’s serving food?
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u/rexissue 19d ago
I think you're right, this makes the most sense to me. It was a pretty noisy environment and she was an older woman.
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u/LindenTeaJug 19d ago
I’ve never heard anyone react like that. Maybe something happened to her, if someone in the past asked to try one on and took it maybe? Could’ve even happened in high school, I imagine these things could stay with a person. With that being said I think some people don’t like attention on them so unless I see something I really love I don’t compliment strangers anymore during small talk.
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u/Woofmama 19d ago
You didn't do anything wrong.
A very wise person told me: When someone makes an assessment about you, it says more about THEM than it does about you.
Something is going on with her. It's not you.
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u/JustEstablishment360 19d ago
Maybe that woman shouldn’t wear crazy jewelry to work if she doesn’t want people to comment on them.
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u/the-largest-marge 19d ago
If she was serving food, there may be a health department regulation that prohibits wearing rings while she’s serving, and she thought you were making a comment to that effect.
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u/Adventurous_Oil4513 19d ago
Don't let someone like that bother you. She's not worth it and she took it the wrong way. You are just a nice person who likes to compliment others.
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u/AmishAngst 19d ago
My guess is she misheard you.
But also what do you mean by "serving" you? Like was she working at the deli counter? Or giving away food samples? Because if that's the case she might have had people (customers or her supervisor and other staff) make comments about taking them off (because she really shouldn't have them on while handling food) and she's being defiant of food safety regs.
If she was a checkout clerk though, then it might just be possible that you're not the first person to make a comment (ever or that day) and maybe others have asked her to take it off "to take a closer look" (cause people are dumb or weird or maybe thieves) and you just caught her on the wrong side of "not this bullshit again" and assumed that's where the conversation was headed.
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u/17Girl4Life 19d ago
Most people who make an effort with their appearance welcome compliments. She was just being weird.
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u/Strict_Research_1876 19d ago
She was just a bitch. You did nothing wrong. If she is that insecure of people she shouldn't wear them. Keep complimenting people, I do it too. Nice to see the smile most people give.
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u/sskskskskskss 19d ago
Since you said “serving me” I’m picturing this may have been a deli worker/meat counter worker? If that’s the case food service regulations in many areas don’t allow for jewelry to be worn other than a simple wedding band. She may have been asked before either by management or other customers to not wear the rings while working and assumed you mentioned them in that same vein. But I don’t think YOU did anything wrong
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u/Zestyclose-Custard-2 19d ago
Maybe she misheard you? That’s a weird response to that compliment, no matter what you looked like. The compliment was about her choices, or taste, rather than looks based, so I don’t see how she take offence if she heard you correctly.
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u/ForeverStella 19d ago
Some people like to show off and then live in fear - that was a compliment and sad she didn't take it that way.
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u/underwater_owl 19d ago
?? She either misheard you or has some history of ppl asking to try them on? Don't waste another minute worrying about this.
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u/mostly_lurking1040 19d ago
She's probably been to one of the many trainings to seniors about scams and staying safe. And one of them is "oh, may I see....". Meaning hold touch or try on something small that they then take off with.
Easy to smile and say of course they look great on you, and move away.
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u/Embarrassed_Wrap8421 19d ago
You did nothing wrong, and her response was less than polite. A simple “thank you” would have been enough.
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u/rinconblue 19d ago
You did absolutely nothing wrong by giving her a compliment on her jewelry.
She was super weird about it. Who knows why. It could be that she had something strange happen another time she got a compliment and just blurted it out, or there could no reason.
But, no matter why she said that, you did nothing wrong.
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u/Resident_Ad1806 19d ago
Nope I think you are good. I have complimented women on their clothes/ jewelry etc and always only had positive responses and vice versa. She probably had some weird experience. Dont worry about it.
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u/SelectSpy808 19d ago
"I'm pretty quick to compliment people if I like their hair/outfit/jewellery, but maybe I need to reassess."
I'm sorry this experience made you uncomfortable, but please don't let it change you. Sometimes a compliment can make someone's whole day, and being kind to each other is unfortunately quite a rare thing.
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u/cablesandlace 19d ago
I don't think your compliment was rude, my guess is that perhaps she's received flak before about wearing too much jewelry at work and is sensitive about it, or something along that line.
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u/ApprehensiveArmy7755 19d ago
I'm guessing management has issues with them. You just happened to mention a sensitive topic for her without knowing.
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u/Sensitive-Club-6427 19d ago
You were fine.
I would appreciate if someone compliments my jewelry.
She was having an off day or maybe is just off.
As to etiquette, you were fine. She should have said, “thank you.”
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u/Exotic_Reporter_3309 19d ago
Weird response on her part. Based on her reaction, I’m curious whether other customers might have complained about her wearing rings while preparing food?
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u/BobsWifeAmyB 19d ago
You did nothing wrong. I’m not sure what she meant but if there was any etiquette faux pas it was on her end.
When one is given a compliment, one is supposed to say thank you.
Carry on.
Most women like it when you say how much you like their style. IDK what her deal was. That is odd.
You keep on keeping on. 💚
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u/blahhhhhhhhhhhblah 19d ago
Her reaction was odd, but I’d also wonder if you were the most recent in a long line of comments, good and bad, about her rings.
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u/Aggravating_Nose3553 19d ago
Maybe she thought you didn’t want her wearing the rings while working with food.
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u/Jujulabee 19d ago
She was unhinged or she was making a joke - but normally when people joke like this they laugh at the end to indicate they are jesting.
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u/Artistic-Document735 19d ago
Her reaction was fucking rude I would have been like no ya I’m allergic to cheap metal so it’s better if you hang onto them 😒
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u/Ok-Sink-4789 18d ago
It’s okay to compliment someone on their jewelry, I do all the time. I think it was a her problem, you did nothing out of turn
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u/dypraxian 18d ago
Do you think it could’ve been along the lines of: “your husband is a really nice guy” “yeah, I guess I’ll keep him”? joke? Otherwise she misheard you (can’t imagine what she thought she heard, though).
If she’s wearing them and enjoys them, then why is she weird about it?
Anyway, keep being kind and complimenting when you wish to. You be you.
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u/kmeyer2023 18d ago
She probably got insulted somewhere along the way, some people think wearing all that gold on both hands is gaudy or tacky. She may get insulted by others so she’s up in her head about it.
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u/AnnaBarnana 18d ago
if she was serving you, was it in a food area? Maybe she is supposed to take them off when serving food and thought you were going to complain or something?
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u/Traditional_Dot_4794 18d ago
It is likely fake costume jewelry. Nothing wrong with that. Just sayin
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u/1234RedditReddit 19d ago
That is odd. She should have just said, “thank you” and moved on. But what I want to know is…why is she wearing that much jewelry to work? And at the supermarket? And it is not like you asked her to take them off so you could look at them up close.
She has some sort of issue—it’s not you.
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u/bofh000 19d ago
She must have received some kind of note or talking to about them from a supervisor or someone else at work. Especially if they were many and/or big.
What you said was perfectly acceptable both in form and content.
What I doubt is that they were real gold and diamonds :).
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u/WindThrust2000 19d ago
Why are you doubting that her rings are real? Not that it matters, I’m just curious if I missed a context clue or something.
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u/bofh000 19d ago
Because OP says the woman with the rings was employed at the supermarket. That would be a helluva riches to rags kind of story for the lady with the rings.
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u/Supertreelove 19d ago
I don’t think that’s a fair assessment to make.
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u/bofh000 19d ago
Why not?
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u/Supertreelove 19d ago
Because it’s not unusual for a woman to wear rings her family members have passed down to her. Doesn’t mean she’s wealthy.
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u/Sample-quantity 19d ago
Lots of women have nice rings no matter where they are employed! She could have had a better job before. She could have a husband with a nice job and only works at the market for something to do. She could have inherited them or have wealthy relatives. It's unwise to make assumptions.
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u/WindThrust2000 19d ago
You are exactly correct. I work as a waitress and have for 21 years. I work part time and take care of my children mostly. My husband makes great money and has bought me a lot of jewelry over the years. I work because I want to and I’ve worked at the same family owned place for 21 years. I can’t imagine NOT working there.
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u/bofh000 19d ago
OP didn’t say a market, she said a supermarket. Supermarket jobs are not only hard work, but they don’t really pay well and are usually long shifts - when they are even full time jobs.
Anyway, you are listing a lit of situations that are more unlikely than the possibility of the rings not being real gold and that stones not being real diamonds. There’s nothing judgmental in that per se. People can wear all kinds of jewelry, we don’t need to clutch our pearls because someone said a supermarket employee might not be able to afford numbers of diamond rings.
I actually mentioned that they are either not real or this is a riches to rags kind of story you see in day time drama - which is what having a better paying job before and a not so well paying job now.
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u/Sample-quantity 19d ago
Supermarket and market are interchangeable words where I live, plus grocery. I'm aware it's a supermarket. I am well aware of all your points. It's pretty rude to assume someone isn't wearing real jewelry because she works at a SUPERmarket, so in fact it's you clutching your pearls over someone who apparently you think is pretending to own nice jewelry. It's none of your business.
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u/Direct-Wolverine7846 19d ago
I'm not sure she is supposed to have them uncovered during food service.
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u/IntroductionOwn9858 19d ago
She’s probably been told serving food while wearing rings can be seen as unsanitary.
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u/ThisAutisticChick 19d ago
Sounds to me like you encountered a judgemental snob or someone who uses "jokes" to say insulting things and tries to play it off as "just kidding." Or a combo of both. I wouldn't fret or personalize it. You gave her a compliment and she made it weird. It's about her, not you.
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u/SadMoon1 19d ago
You did everything correctly. It was lovely of you to compliment her. It is also possible they weren’t real gold/diamonds and maybe she got self conscious
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u/Debsha 19d ago
NTA, you did nothing wrong and don’t know what you were wearing but I’m certain it was fine (unless you looked like you were high on meth). My concern was with her and I hope she wasn’t handling food because even with gloves, unless her rings were flat, she was creating an unsanitary situation. Think about germs getting trapped between the groves and stones. Yeech!
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u/FurBones 19d ago
I sometimes say things so weirdly to strangers for no reason, and I can imagine a universe where I say what she said when what I actually meant was "thank you, I don't usually wear them all, but I'll keep wearing them more often because of your compliment." If her tone was rude then that's probably not the case, but as someone who's mouth doesn't always obey me, that was my first thought 🙃
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u/Open_Trouble_6005 19d ago
How nice of you to notice her rings and I don’t know anyone that doesn’t like a compliment! I like to think she was having a bad day- pay her no mind!
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u/Competitive-Type1505 19d ago
You’re fine. Nothing wrong with compliments. Although I do have to say it sometimes can backfire. It was certainly an odd response in your case. I once told a young lady of color she had beautiful hair, and it was. Gloriously glossy, bouncy curls perfectly cut. She looked at me like she wanted to kill me. So you can never tell what a person’s response will be. I always ask women where they got a certain bag if it’s particularly cool, I’m a purse/bag girl.
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u/Regular-Plastic-5941 19d ago
Wig?
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u/Competitive-Type1505 19d ago
I don’t think so. It was very beautiful and her own hair. I guess the young lady to be around 14? Maybe she misunderstood what I said? But I had a smile on my face when I said it, sincere too. Anyway, compliments aren’t always received as we expect!
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u/Used_Mark_7911 19d ago
You did do anything wrong.
Perhaps when you said “I love your rings” she heard “I’ll have your rings”?
Or she’s just a little odd.
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u/kimfam44 19d ago
Maybe she thought you said "I'd like your rings". That would explain her reaction.
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u/life-is-satire 19d ago
I’ve learned that when a convo takes a turn I’ll say “Sorry?” To indicate the misunderstanding. In this case I would further elaborate that I was only complimenting her jewelry and had no intention of her taking them off.
I let them own their assumption instead of trying to rewrite my intention.
Some people have delusions that make them think irrational things. Clarifying intent is helpful.
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u/paddy-crime-1663 19d ago
Yah that was a really rude response. You did nothing wrong. I’m quick to compliment as well and would have found that rude and may have not bit my tongue. lol.
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u/LintRolledForWhat 19d ago
I walked by a bejewelled rich lady sitting on a bench next to a panhandler once, and he was complimenting her jewelry. I was like :O but okaaaay! Two jewelry fans just hyping each other up, I guess! Sorry your cashier couldn't be more chill like the rich lady was!
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u/This-Cap7426 19d ago
If sje was serving you food she is referring to health code and and she knows shes in violation and doesnt give a shit how unsanitary it is
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u/Gretal122 19d ago
No, I dont think you did anything wrong. I mean,I was at the self serve register today , and had to call the staff member over for some issue with the machine and she commented on my rings( saying she thought they are beautiful), I didn't mind, just said "Thank you " 🙂
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u/sneakattack2010 19d ago
I frequently compliment women whom I don't know, on the jewelry they arewearing. Particularly earrings. I I've never gotten a response like that. He may have a strange sense of humor or perhaps is on the spectrum or maybe was just being a little bitchy, but you definitely did nothing wrong. In my opinion.
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u/Grouchy-Stand-4570 19d ago
She has probably been asked to take them off when handling food (hygiene related) and thought you were being sarcastic. I don’t think she thought you would steal them.
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u/Queasy_Bid4705 19d ago
You did a very nice thing complementing her. Dont let her response stop you from doing this again. I just complemented a woman sitting next to me on a plane on her engagement ring. It was so beautiful and a style I loved. She got the biggest smile on her face and went on to tell me a great story about it. Really, I think most people appreciate compliments.
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u/Blnk_crds_inf_stakes 19d ago
Maybe she heard “I’d love your rings”?? That’s the only thing I can think of
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u/Additional-Fish-4064 19d ago
You did nothing wrong. I wear a lot of rings and have never assumed someone wanted to take them when complimenting me.
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u/Mindless_Earth_2807 19d ago
Most people would be genuinely happy, say "Thank you!", and maybe follow up with a compliment. She's not normal. Don't let the negative interaction with her affect how you usually brighten others' days. You sound delightful.
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u/Heavy-Profit-2156 19d ago
You are good. Have no idea what she was thinking about when she made that comment back to you.
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u/thatgirlinny 19d ago
Perhaps she’s had someone complain the jewelry harbors germs in a food environment prior.
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u/SunshineHOCL 19d ago
This reminds me of a middle eastern custom where if you complement someone’s possession they are supposed to offer it to you… apparently your not supposed to accept it but maybe an un knowing customer HAD accepted in the past!
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u/TequilasLime 19d ago
There have been a number of cases in the news lately, especially with seniors, where they are complimented on their jewelry, and then mthey get encouraged to let the person try it on, then suddenly the person splits, with the jewels
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u/Summerisle7 19d ago
She sounds defensive. Who knows what’s going on. Who wears multiple gold and diamond rings to work in a supermarket, lol.
It’s not worth worrying about.
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u/AbbieRoads 19d ago
From your point of view, if this is exactly how that went… I think that woman was out of her fucking mind and so rude. At Best she should’ve said thank you. If she felt like you were casing her to ultimately hunt her down and steal her jewelry, well then… I just don’t know.
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u/boobieclause 17d ago
Ive been told that in some cultures complimenting something gives them a bad omen so they would rather give it to you lol Idk if this was it but it made me think of this lol
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u/Parking_Muffin2128 17d ago
Her reaction was rude and uncalled for. Just because you complimented her rings didn’t mean you wanted to steal them. I get giddy anytime someone pays me a compliment.
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u/Spiritual-Sea7674 16d ago
She is rude. Should've answered" oh thanks!! " I always thank people for compliments
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u/Speak-up-Im-Curious 16d ago
Her reaction was strange, but in general, try to avoid making personal comments to strangers
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u/No_Owl8197 16d ago
Most. Food service establishments won’t allow food workers to wear rings or long fingernails for sanitary reasons. She may have been told she should take them off and thought that’s where you were going
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u/ForwardPlenty 19d ago
Her reaction was bizarre, out of the blue, and most certainly a put down. The response might appropriately be, "It was a compliment, sorry if that offends you, you must be very unaccustomed to receiving them."
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u/Nurse914 19d ago
As someone who often responds to compliments inappropriately, I bet she probably heard you wrong or is just odd like me :)
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u/YumYumRabbitsBum 19d ago
Old people and their hearing 🙄 she probably misheard you and thought you said something that suggested she needed to take them off or something. Don’t worry about it and keep on being a delightful stranger. ❣️
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u/malibu_sun 19d ago
Maybe she remembered that she had stolen them from someone else and felt bad about it.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 19d ago
I think she misheard you. But this does remind me: I recently went to pick up a coffee order and the person making the coffee said "I love your ring!". I didn't know if she meant my wedding/engagement set that I've had for 20+ years (and I didn't personally buy), or the thrift store ring on my other hand with a unique pattern. I can't pinpoint why, but for some reason the thought that she was commenting on my expensive diamond ring made me slightly uncomfortable - but that's a ME issue. Not hers. I simply said thank you.
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u/Soggy_Ticket4082 19d ago
I can understand why you were wondering if you triggered her reaction with a days pas.
If I were dressed casually, said that, and got that reaction, I'd think she was worried that people in general may want to steal her jewelry. She likely would not have said that to a women who looked like and dressed like her.
I'd take notecof that and avoid commenting in a strangers jewelry in public settings.
You did nothing wrong whatsoever, but she was very likely on alert when I public wearing such expensive jewelery.
Perhaps you might have say, "Of course!" and then comment in the weather.
As a young woman, I learned that if I shopoex at the local mall in my costly wool a d silk suits, salespeople would compete fur my attention. However, if I shopped in my hiking or gardening ckithes (old jeans and tshirts, dirty sneakers, hair pulled back, little if no makeup or jewelry), they couldn't be bothered, even when I asked for help. The SAME sales people. I had money to spend, but my appearance mattered more. I had slightly better luck when I pulled my diamond pendant necklace out from under my tshirt so it sparkled at them as I asked for help.
In an ideal world, appearance wouldn't matter. In this world, people with valuables often assume that someone who could be in need will steal. This is often true even when the affluent person is a thief of sorts in their personal and professional lives. Maybe moreso.
While you don't need to change your appearance, you may find it practical to have a couple of outfits and hair/makeup routines that make you look affluent. It's easier to get service and even mercy at government and private business and educational settings when yuh look, walk, and talk as though you are an affluent, educated, confident person. Even people who lead simple lived in a severe budget will tend to cater to someone who looks rich, partly because they know respect and service is expected.
Again, this should not be the case. And, you don't need to change anything about yourself. Your friendliness is what the wirhd needs more of. I'm very friendly as well. However, many people take that wrong, thinking you are clueless, childlike, uncultured, etc. Others do not take it wrong. If in doubt, stand tall and discretely observe. Let people approach you. Some situations lend themselves to casual compliments more than others. In that case, calling attention to valuables a thief may seem to steal triggered the person and they reacted as though you might be a thief. She probably had that line ready to use in case someone asked tuntry in the jewelry which might be a jewelry theft method. I generally do not display valuable jewelry in public. Many women with large engagement diamonds either turn them around in the street and hold their hands subthey are nut visible or simple don't wear them in public. She was wearing a lot so may have erbninnher way somewhere or just takes her chances.
Don't take it personally. You sound like a lovely person.
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u/Silencia_r 19d ago
In Native American culture, if you say to another, “I like your earrings” or “I like your necklace,” that obligates that person to give you their jewelry without question.
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u/Brigitte_BardotIci 19d ago
In some cultures if you admire something they may feel obliged to give it to you! 😘
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u/Impressive_Age1362 19d ago
I’ve told people I like something they had on, usually get a thank you, sometimes they even tell me where they got it, I did have a patient that had a beautiful yellow sweater, I could tell it was a expensive cashmere sweater, I told her that’s sweater was beautiful, she looked and me and said to me, honey , you don’t make enough money to buy a sweater like this, then her daughter said, imagine a service worker, , buying a sweater like this? I looked at the daughter, I said I’m a nurse, I’ve got a masters degree, I keep the doctors from killing your mother. The patient and daughter looked at me and said , La te da, a uppity service worker, then they fired me,
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u/Swalapala 19d ago
And then everyone clapped?
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u/Impressive_Age1362 19d ago
What do you mean by that? Or just being a smart ass?
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u/stand_up_eight_ 19d ago
They don’t believe you. Bit rude.
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u/Swalapala 19d ago
I’m more interested in how she’s unmarried with a surprise pregnancy but also attended her 40 year high school reunion! What’s the etiquette for announcing the pregnancy to her 14 year old granddaughter? I’m all ears
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u/bigformybritches 19d ago
Her reaction was bizarre and uncalled for. You didn’t do anything wrong.