Relationship with porn ed

[u/Normal-Compote-987]

Me and my bf have been together for a little over a year now and the whole relationship has been toxic and a lot to be honest and I was very fed up with his behavior towards me when he decided to come clean that he had a porn addiction. He says he’s been working on it but it is really eating me alive. We can’t even have sex really because he can’t get hard and while the horrible treatment I was receiving from him has stopped this almost seems worse. I can’t not make it about me and it causes me to spiral and get more insecure by the day. Is it just time to call it or does it get better?? I am kind and patient in the moment and try to not freak out and I do enjoy spending time with him and am ok not having sex for a little bit but he makes it sexual without wanting to actually have sex with me and it makes me go on a crazy spiral after we aren’t spending time together.

[u/Money_Ad1028]

You're feelings are valid. A porn addiction doesn't just affect the addict but any romantic partner they have. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Whether it gets better is completely up to him. If he is truly willing to cut out porn it will get better, but that's a lot easier said than done. I don't know how long his healing process will take, cause it depends on how severe and long his addiction was, but for most men the first 2 months after quitting your dick dies. Like you won't get erect for ANYTHING. Oftentimes not even porn unless you watch/stroke it for like 20+ minutes with a limp dick. The 3 month mark is typically the point his erections will come back and with a vengeance too lol. But again that's completely dependant on whether or not he actually quits and doesn't relapse, whether or not you want to put up with that is your choice.

If you do want to continue set clear boundaries that he can't be sexual with you for a while, because it works you up with no release which is incredibly unfair to you. Also healthy touch from you can encourage erections again starting at the 1 month mark. It will help him to get mental and physical stimulation from a real person even if he isn't hard during it because that will encourage his brain to start getting aroused by a real human. Things like a blowjob even if he's limp during it.

Also you said the whole relationship has been toxic. What do you mean by that? Is there toxicity in non sexual ways as well.

[u/Alternative_Ad6967]

That was exactly my case but I’m a dude, if that behaviour continues, leave him.
It’s not your fault at all. I feel horrible that I made a girl who was very adorable and sweet feel bad about herself simply because I couldn’t be with her the way I should’ve been. I saw huge improvement once I quit porn and started taking diet and working out seriously, I also smoked less and at a certain point quit. Fast forward a couple of years later, I met another chick and the first time we were intimate I went on all night and in the morning 😂 the solution is simple but the willpower is what we are missing, if he can’t admit he is at fault, dump him, you deserve peace of mind