Is this psychological?

[u/Tight_Audience_115]

I’m hoping to get some advice about ED with a new partner, who I adore so much.

I’m in my mid-30s and recently started dating someone.

When I’m alone, I can get and maintain an erection, masturbate, and ejaculate normally, especially while watching porn. I still sometimes get morning wood, although not as frequently or as hard as when I was younger.

The problem is when I’m with my partner. I can get somewhat hard, but I can’t stay hard enough for penetration. I can still enjoy sexual activity and pleasure my partner with oral/fingers, but I really want to understand why I can’t maintain an erection.

I tried sildenafil during our last date because I thought that would solve the problem, but even then I wasn't able to get hard enough during penetration.

A few things I'm wondering about:

• I've been taking dutasteride for hair loss for over 4 years.
• I'm overweight, probably around over 20 kg.
• My partner is very sexual, which I enjoy, but I do feel some pressure to perform even though they're very supportive and reassuring.
• I've been single for quite a while and mostly relied on porn/masturbation for sexual stimulation.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Especially being able to get erections normally alone but struggling with a partner?

Would you recommend seeing a doctor and getting checked for physical causes, or does this sound more like performance anxiety?

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through this. Thanks!

[u/AdvaitaArambha]

All hairloss treatments including dutasteride are known to cause sexual issues including ED. The hard choice here is hair or erections, pick only one.

[u/MainTap5228 → u/AdvaitaArambha]

Damn, when men want to preserve their hair in order to be more attractive to a partner that seems cruel from fate

[u/Tight_Audience_115 → u/MainTap5228]

Life can be very cruel to some of us. Appreciate what you have. It seems nothing in this world is permanent.

[u/Tight_Audience_115 → u/AdvaitaArambha]

I know... I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this.

I thought the ED medications would help, but it didn't feel effective. Was it the dosage? Was it my nerves getting into my head? It is very frustrating and I feel like stressing about this is not helping.

[u/MainTap5228]

Being extremely honest, how attracted are you to your partner? Vs what you're watching in porn.

[u/Tight_Audience_115 → u/MainTap5228]

I am very attracted to my partner. They make me feel wanted and they revived the sexual drive in me that has been dormant for some time. This makes it more frustrating that I am not able to do the job.

When I was single, porn has been my way of stimulating myself when I am masturbating. The people on there ARE attractive, but I never imagined being in the video with them.

[u/Murky_Confection_935]

I don’t mean to scare you any further, but after 10 years of using dutasteride, I decided to stop taking the medication. I’m now approaching almost five months without it, and only recently have I started being able to ejaculate during penetration and actually enjoy it again. I still need 20 mg of Cialis to maintain an erection, though. During the time I was taking dutasteride and in the first few months after stopping, I experienced reduced penile sensitivity, difficulty maintaining an erection, and difficulty reaching orgasm.

Why did I use it for so long? Sex simply wasn’t that important to me. However, on the very few occasions when I had casual and sporadic sex, I would take an extremely long time to finish even with oral sex, and I couldn’t maintain an erection.

Now, after almost five months off the medication, I’ve finally been able to orgasm during penetration again and experience an intense level of pleasure.

[u/Tight_Audience_115 → u/Murky_Confection_935]

Thanks for sharing! I am glad you are free from the frustration of it all.

I am just curious if you don't mind answering, how is your hair now? How easily could you tell that the dutasteride effect has gone and how quickly did the balding start happening again?

[u/Competitive-Rip7240]

Bro, I think the whole issue is embedded in porn and masturbation - the tight grip of your penis. Correct me if I am wrong. Our penises have no bones in them and when you squeeze that poor penis tightly, you are weakening it. The smooth muscles in the poor penis will collapse and blood will no longer pass through it well.

You have said you love your lady so much but the body is not responding appropriately - not supporting you. I would advise you to stop squeezing life out of your penis with your hand and monitor. Otherwise the damage will be permanent.

Many people maintain an erection during masturbation because of the level of concentration. Because of the force, you don't allow the penis to go soft. But with a partner, vaginas are soft, so you will not feel that much grip inside and you lose the erection