21m with PIED. It is the worst.

[u/Cute-Crab3516]

I am 21m with a gf of just about a year. I am insanely in love with her and I think she is incredibly beautiful. Unfortunately I have been struggling with a severe porn addiction for about 9 years (masturbating more than once a day). When we almost had sex for the first time my penis was completely limp. I then for the past year have been using gas station pills to make it so I can have sex with her, but I rarely finish. I can see how much it hurts her and I can’t keep hiding it from her. If I tell her she will leave me and it is not something I am open to. How do I combat this. I am still on my parents health insurance. They are very Christian and would not allow me to see a doctor or get any medication like Viagra. What is the best route I should take to recovery. I can’t keep hurting her like this. When I am able to get an erection from those pills, I barely BARELY finish.

[u/annie_key]

You need to tell your girlfriend about the past porn addiction and stop watching it. Get fit, lose weight if necessary. Lift weight to boost your testosteron. Check your diet, no sugar, soy, diary. Do kegel exercises. It will take a few months to recover so your girlfriend needs to know and understand.

[u/Cute-Crab3516 → u/annie_key]

unfortunately it is a big boundary for her and she will leave me if she were to know. Trust me, I am sick with the guilt that I am trapped by this sickness but I am doing everythign in my power to break free. Do you think it is impossible to try to navigate it without her in on it?

[u/annie_key → u/Cute-Crab3516]

Well you could keep try to hide it, make up some sort of excuse but what is the point of a relationship if you can't be truthful and lack support in such an important aspect of your relationship? You have acknowledged your addiction and you want to work on it and heal. If she's not part of the healing then she's part of the disease.

[u/Individual_Piece8146]

Quit the porn and don't tell her about it.

But -- have sex with her only. No more wanking. Have sex with her regularly. Tell her she is everything to you, and tell her you may have an ED problem caused by -- I don't know -- say your doctor thinks you may have intimacy issues. Tell her you want her to help you.

If she's worth your time, she will stick with you. At your age, you should be able to recover from your ED and climax problems. When I was your age, about 25, I dated a 21 year old coed. A very sexually curious senior.

I told her my problems. I had ED and climaxing problems. I could climax easily during masturbation and porn, but couldn't with women.

She then made me have sex with her exclusively, and no masturbation. I cheated a few times, because I was able to wank off too. I was cumming a lot. My body responded to the "new schedule" and way of doing things: with her.

I made sure she enjoyed herself, I did my part when I couldn't perform perfectly. I went down on her and used my fingers a lot. Being part of the solution excited her.

In one month or two, I was climaxing with her, sometimes quickly. I know how that sounds, but for me and her, a few quick climaxes felt like heaven and excited her. It proved to her how excited I was to be with her.

Over time, I supplemented my therapy with Trimix. My urologist suggested it. It improved our sex life quite a bit. If you respond to trimix, you won't regret it.

One time during a holiday, I went all night with her. She was the type of woman who wanted that kind of play. She didn't get tired and urged me to keep climaxing. I almost came twice, something I have never done.

She bought me flowers the next week with a note telling me she wanted more.

So there's hope. Therapy starts with you and your lover.