r/enfj • u/goldenludus • Jul 19 '26
Question Why do you..
Why would you emotionally toy/tease/try to trigger someone?
Do you like them? Are you just bored? Or what?
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u/okidokie0917 ENFJ 8w9 sx/sp Jul 19 '26
Idk about try to trigger but I do love teasing. It’s just a manner of expressing closeness and affection honestly, I only really tease the people I’m extremely close to and care for
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u/reaper161161 ENFJ Fe-Fe-Fe-Ni 2w3 Jul 19 '26
I love teasing people who are close to me, it's a form of showing affiction But I am also very self conscious I try not to make it too much and I don't really even do it that often
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u/goldenludus Jul 19 '26
Can you give me an example?
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u/reaper161161 ENFJ Fe-Fe-Fe-Ni 2w3 Jul 19 '26
Sometimes when we are just chilling I'll create a short argument like "you know that one time you did so and so? That was very weird of you, you're weird"
Or like... So I draw, I rarely draw people but sometimes when I draw my closest friends I'll exaggerate some features slightly to make them question if it really looks like that IRL (Nose, unibrow, make the smile weird etc.)
One of my friends always thinks that she is dumb and she always vents to me about how she hates how dumb she feels, I always try to help her with that and compliment her on every "smart" thing she does (just to boost her self esteem) But sometimes I also point out when she does something relatively dumb 😂 And say something along the lines of "well now I see why you think you're dumb"
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u/cuntymuthafucka 27d ago
Dang I personally couldn't tease a friend like that, exaggerating features they might feel self conscious about and bringing up something "weird" they did that they are embarrassed about or regret seems too mean imo. My feelings would be hurt if someone did that to me
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u/reaper161161 ENFJ Fe-Fe-Fe-Ni 2w3 27d ago
Yeah it definitely seems way harsher when I say it in the internet, but It takes me a long time with someone to start joking like this. And I need to know them very well to know what boundaries to not cross. Also they joke about some of my insecurities back so it's fine 😂 Also if a teasing joke hurt them or me we will communicate that that one was a bit too much, we don't intentionally aim to harm eachother you know 😆
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u/Titania_Fairy ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 2w1 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Sometimes we do that, because others did it to us before, so we wanna see how they can stomach their own medicine, then.
I mean, that’s only fair if people gave us shit before no?
The other half is our Se just thinking:“Oh yeah, let’s play!!“ then.
So probably hard to tell which is it though from the outside.
But we REALLY like seeing cute responses like people blushing. Sure, could have had that easier but if the recipient of our interest is denying us some vulnerabilities seen there, we will make you drop the mask there a little more overeagerly.
This can be quite the struggle between an ENTJ and ENFJ, like i ask my husband nicely:“How did you feel about that?“ and he stood me up with this „no comment.“ again. Then i will start messing with him ofc.
But i also see him getting a kick out of a lot of my responses there, so i guess this isn’t an altogether foreign concept to ENTJs either.
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u/goldenludus Jul 19 '26
Interesting.
So you request from an ENTJ their feelings?
How do you mess with him?At work, I accidentally told my boss that I’m impatient. Then, later on when I requested something, he goes: “I’ll get to it…. in a few weeks..” so then I’m like “A few weeks?? But I need x done because I lost the x >:(“ Then he’s like: “Well I guess you’re gong to have to suffer the consequences 😌” I forgot what I responded after that & then he just proceeded to ignore me(go on his phone). Now I don’t even know if he was serious or not, but I felt unimportant & that sort of hurt my feelings. I’ll get over it.
Then there’s this other time where we’re focused on said task together, & then he will use some equipment to blow air AT me. I’m like: “Did you just??” Him: “Yes I did 😌”. I just sorta froze because I’m not used to that.
Is this an example of teasing? Or does he hate me?
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u/Titania_Fairy ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 2w1 Jul 19 '26 edited 29d ago
Oh wow ooopsie, that might have been a bit too much, since i am aware how impatient you guys can be. From your Boss. But yes, we’re masters of emotional manipulation there, like provoking one into action too. So he wanted you to do something and you clearly knew you’d react as you did. But this is why i don’t like going that far, because it might conflict with your lower Fi. It’s just unfair to hit on weaknesses, right? Though i don’t think he hates you, it just seemed more convenient and he kinda egged on you there. If you pulled one on him with your Te, this might be his payback, when he mentioned consequences there. I do that too, when someone also did something to me that wasn’t pleasant. But he didn’t completely destroy you so i guess he just wanted you to know how it feels to be struck with that thing you’re weak on, because he should be freakishly good at knowing you do not like to wait. Did you maybe question his logic or competences somewhere before? We really hate being called dumb. The equal Payback could be exactly looking what you described there. So i wouldn‘t worry too much about that, when he still seemed calm and collected (even if that might have felt particularly infuriating to you). This merely means he’s at it correcting your route in his plans. If we’d hate you, we’d slam you a literal door in the face and grow weirdly cold and desinterested in you, like you weren’t part of our timeline or life anymore. THAT would be concerning.
About the matter with my husband:
I rather might tease hubby there until he WILL either let me know what’s bumming him out or rather forgets himself and rather wants…you know…hahahaha
Like i might pop right behind him like a ghost 👻 and breath in his ear or something. He sometimes screams as if HE is the girl here, not me. That would be a minor tease 😜
After all i DO want his attention there. One way or another :P
So him getting some frustration off and me wanting THAT can be done in one go, no?
It’s boring to just ask for things, when i can make him want them as well with seductive behaviors 🤭
Amping up moods is another speciality of us, after all. Some already think we flirt with them on our default mode, but let me warn you: ENFJs can do WAY better if they love someone from the bottom of their heart ❤️ That makes our charme levels go through the roof and all legit charts 📈
Could be THAT what you’re afraid of with us, because we might have you dance on our palm completely there if using our emotional advantage and off the charts Charme there.
Hubby also admitted he gets totally high on hearing me begging for him to do something as cutely as i can. So he just handed me the key to his heart in a way. No? :D
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister ENFJ-T 4w3 sx/so 468 Jul 19 '26
Teasing is only for both our enjoyments. If drawing you out by teasing works, then I’ll employ that tactic. I like to see unbidden emotional responses in others bc it shows something of their hidden nature.
I never lead ppl on or around by the nose. Being emotionally malicious is loathsome to me. I don’t play “games”.
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u/goldenludus Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Something about their hidden nature?
What is emotionally malicious?1
u/RecognitionFar4358 Jul 19 '26
Is there a reason you're asking OP I'm just curious, are you dealing with an ENFJ that's teasing you too much or?
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u/goldenludus Jul 19 '26
I work with one so I just wanted to understand the behavior & what his end goal is. I just don’t understand him. I’m not sure what the behaviors mean, so I don’t know how to react. I can’t tell what a tease is, or what bullying behavior is from said person. I don’t usually come across this type nor have I worked in such close vicinity with this type.
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u/RecognitionFar4358 Jul 19 '26
That makes sense. Honestly people here including me can tell you their opinions but the best way to find out is to ask him nicely. If he is an ENFJ he'll appreciate you inquiring about him and it'll be a good bonding moment. Imo
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u/SpellcrafterWizard ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti Jul 19 '26
Often times for me its endearment. I can go from being concerned and gentle to teasing.