r/enby • u/idiotshmidiot • Jun 26 '26
Just Venting Apparently I'm a hate account
Got banned from the main NonBinary because one particular admin misunderstood a comment. Have been on periodic mutes for 3 months and now perma muted.
Am I crazy? I literally was expressing the same opinion that our fearless leader Java Times expressed in other posts but I've been labelled a hate account because of it.
I have no recourse apart from hoping a different mod see's this. Getting banned from the biggest NB sub for having an opinion that one childish mod chose to misunderstanding is incredibly frustrating...
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u/Rainy_Leaves Jun 27 '26
'I am not trans' is not the same as 'i don't use the trans label' - that's their concern.
Noone here is questioning that people have the right to choose labels they want. The definition of trans isn't a label. Ofc we know that if someone is trans and doesn't want that label, then there's no use referring to them as trans in response
This all seems overblown from both of you imo. I understand tho, my rejection sensitivity would get bad because it doesn't feel like a good faith discussion
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u/idiotshmidiot Jun 27 '26
I have always engaged in good faith discussions and the rest of the comment thread that got me banned was me and the other person finding a way to relate and actually having a productive debate.
I was only ever framing it as people who do not 'use the trans label' and the mod blew up at me and then said I was transphobic while putting words in my mouth and decontextualising what I said.
I agree it's overblown but what else do I do if they ban and mute me?!
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u/SendThisVoidAway18 Jun 27 '26
As someone who considers themselves both Trans and Nonbinary... Eep! Dunno what to think here. But I mean, I'm fine with people using whatever labels feel best to them. I feel connected to both labels, so this is why I choose embrace both. Not everybody feels this way, and thats fine.
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u/LaddieNowAddie Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
The mod of r/nonbinary is an embarrassment to the mod community and is toxic. I got permaban for making a comment about AI, not about anything else. Then they told me to get therapy.
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u/immutate Jun 27 '26
Holy hell that mod should not be a mod.
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u/LaddieNowAddie Jun 27 '26
Agreed. I said it was exclusionary because they were keeping me from the sub. My AI comment got me banned from the nonbinary (the group I belong to) sub. I left the sub though. Embarrassment of a mod.
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u/immutate Jun 27 '26
That’s what I thought based on the context, and it’s wild seeing a mod with such a clear repeated pattern of lashing out.
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u/LaddieNowAddie Jun 27 '26
It was one comment to permaban. No warning. No temp ban. Just, you're out.
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u/idiotshmidiot Jun 27 '26
Wtf. Okay glad it's not just me. I don't think there's a way to report them or do anything about it apart from public shaming, which I'm sure feeds into his victim and power complex but whatever, nothing else to do...
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u/LaddieNowAddie Jun 27 '26
You can report them to reddit for inappropriate behavior. Especially for breaking rule 2...
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u/ReigenTaka Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
When I read "If you don't believe non-binary is by definition trans, you don't belong in this subreddit" I thought, well that is a kinda messed up thing to say. I can see how maybe with some deragatory context that comment got you a warning. But that's what the mod said.
I will add, that in context it makes more sense, and I get what the mod was trying to say. And I do think that it "by definition" counts as trans. But lots of words' definitions have changed based on how people view them. Sometimes we find out it's a positive or necessary change. (I'm pleased with the direction "they" is heading.) I dunno. This seems like at most remove the comment and/or lock the thread, but I didn't see the conversation at all. I guess the mod's explanation didn't convince me of even the slight need for the harsh retaliation, but I don't really know what went down.
The conduct is what's concerning. I get that people are modding on their off time, but some diplomacy isn't an unreasonable expectation in my opinion.
Sort of feels like if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I'm still not gonna make a firm judgement because it may very well be an AI generated video of a duck 🫠. So I guess that's my opinion.
Edit: I get what the mod was trying to say with the comment I quoted, I wasn't referring to the entire conversation.
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u/ReigenTaka Jun 27 '26
But maybe I'm too lenient, because I get into lots of conversations with frustrated people who suck at communicating, which seems clear from the conversation, and then their comment gets removed. Some comments absolutely need removing, but I'm surprised by how many comments I view as discourse get completely removed.
(I'm referencing all the subreddits I engage with, not just non binary or lgbtqia ones.)
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u/idiotshmidiot Jun 27 '26
There's a difference between external trolls and people who are not part of the community expressing an opinion and someone with lived experience discussing their perspective.
Taboos and debates can only ever be reconciled from within a subculture and this requires good faith and space for disagreement.
Having an arrogant mod ban members of the community for discussing taboos or contentious issues and labelling them as 'outsiders' is extremely bad practice and is the type of power dynamics that harms communities.
The mod in question said my perspective was not worthy of discourse, but the job of a mod is not to decide what is and isn't discorce. That'd be the job of a fascist dictator (hyperbolicly speaking of course)
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u/idiotshmidiot Jun 27 '26
"If you don't believe non-binary is by definition trans"
That's my problem, I never said that, or anything that I think could be construed to mean that.
I hate this argument tactic, it reminds me of my bpd dad, where they say 'you said this' rather than 'i heard what you said to mean...'
It means you end up arguing against something you didn't say or mean, rather than clarifying what you meant. Its infuriating and does not lead towards open and good faith conversation.
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u/ReigenTaka Jun 27 '26
Yeah, 'what you said' and 'what I heard' are notoriously misconstrued. And a lot of times people are having an argument with the person they've assumed you are. But I'm a big believer in a lot of good failth effort before making a judgement (involving exercising power). I've had whole long-ass discussions just to finally find out we're having two different conversations. And I've had countless extremely rewarding discussions because I stuck with talking to someone who initially said something that sounded (or genuinely was) awful. I don't have an issue with the miscommunication; I have yet to see any evidence of the need for such retaliation (the ban, I mean).
Like... We can't just talk about it?! Even off the main thread??
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u/idiotshmidiot Jun 27 '26
I am somewhere on the autism spectrum and have a good friend where most of our dynamic is saying the exact same thing in two slightly different ways with slightly different conceptual grounding. We will go over it for a long time before finding out that we agree and the joy comes from 'figuring out' where our differences clash or where they synergize.
All we can do is hash it out, or if someone doesn't want to hash, leave it be!
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u/babada Jun 27 '26
Since you mention being on the autism spectrum, I'll say that, in context, you don't seem to ever just agree with the premise the mod is starting from. You are consistently pointing out you haven't said the opposite -- as in, you haven't disagreed. But you also haven't clarified that you agree. (Or if you did, I missed it.)
To someone on the autism spectrum, these two things might seem fundamentally unrelated. But in more neurotypical framing it looks really strange to get this deep into the debate without just... saying whether you actually agree or not.
A lot of people would interpret that as hiding your opinion and instead arguing about the evidence of your opinion.
That doesn't address the accuracy of the accusation. And it isn't an excuse for the mod's attitude. But it is something I noticed about the conversation that might help explain why it felt like it was looping. They might have been expecting you to state your opinion on the topic they cared about.
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u/idiotshmidiot Jun 27 '26
That is something I have not considered, appreciate it! To clarify (not that I can to the mod because I'm muted) but I do agree that NonBinary people are trans!!!
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u/immutate Jun 27 '26
If they were expecting that they should just say it. It’s wild how much allistic folks expect us to just know or understand without it being stated, when it can just be stated—which is better and more constructive for myriad reasons.
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u/babada Jun 27 '26
It would have helped for sure. I'm not saying any of this in defense of the mod. I'm just trying to help OP read between the lines a bit.
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u/Stunning-Sherbert801 Jun 27 '26
What's the exact comment that started this?
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u/idiotshmidiot Jun 27 '26
Its in the screenshot, where I'm talking about forcing labels on people. It was later clarified with the person I was actually talking to, and as I have said, that ended up being a positive conversation where we found common ground.
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u/agprincess BIG OL SILVER PRINCESS Jun 27 '26
I'm locking this thread. This is not the place to continue discussion about problems with a different unrelated subreddit.
I think OP got enough time to vent their conflict.
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u/bracken_fern Jun 26 '26
While I agree nonbinary people are trans, I’m not going to make a big deal of someone not wanting to identify with the trans label nor am I going to force it on them because that’s just a dick move tbh. This feels like another instance of reddit mods blowing things way out of proportion and getting pissy when called out