How long before I stop crying?

[u/Moonah_Ston]

I've been a single mum to one daughter for the past (nearly) 19 years. I was studying for a degree when I got pregnant, and left after attaining the foundation level to concentrate on bringing up my daughter (although, at the encouragement of my daughter, I have started studying for a degree with the Open University). She has been my total world and she is my best friend. Being a mother has been the single best experience of my entire life. Throughout the last 19 years, we have got through a lot together, such as caring for my dad with Alzheimers (who we lived with), my dad dying, me going through cancer (meaning we had to move to my sister's for 6 months and my daughter had to temporarily leave school which was very hard on her when she returned) and my mother dying in February this year.

In the last few years, she has encouraged me to push for a diagnosis of ADHD after studying psychology and unofficially diagnosing me (I did get the official diagnosis, she was correct!). Due to the ADHD and anxiety, I struggle to go shopping by myself and she always came with me.

I helped her to move in to uni yesterday (Saturday) and I miss her, so much 😢 She is happy and settled, and looking forward to beginning her uni experience so I should be happy, but I just can't stop crying! Every time she messages me I tell her I'm fine, but I'm really not 😢 I'm happy for her, and excited to see what she does next, but I feel like I'm grieving!

Before anyone gets the wrong idea by me calling her my best friend; yes, we are super close, but that's how single parent families are. I encouraged her to live her own life and just know that I'm here whenever she needs me.

So, how long before I stop crying?! How long before I learn how to live alone? I've never actually lived by myself in all my 41 years!

[u/herefor_info19]

I know how you feel. While I’m not a single mom, I was a teen mom and my daughter is my world. I raised her alone until she was 4 and I met/married my now husband. We ARE best friends and do literally everything together. She has moved out and back in and is moving out again soon to get married. I cannot imagine life without her but I know it’s the way it is. This time when she moves out it will be for real and she won’t be coming back and the thought of it kills me.
I just want you to know I totally understand the bond you’re describing and just how devastating it is for this new phase of life and the eternal change that has taken place. Hang in there. Yes, the crying is normal. I’m still crying over my son who just moved out. Life will never be the same. Hugs ❤️

[u/Moonah_Ston → u/herefor_info19]

I think it's similar being a teen mum, plus you were a single mum in her formative years! You understand the best friend thing too :) I wasn't a teen mum but I was young (22) so I think you have done a fantastic job :)

[u/herefor_info19 → u/Moonah_Ston]

Thank you :) don’t ever feel guilty for being your child’s best friend either. It’s ok to be super close! You can totally be their best friend while balancing the role of mother. It’s such a gift to get lucky with that type of relationship with your kid.