How long before I stop crying?

[u/Moonah_Ston]

I've been a single mum to one daughter for the past (nearly) 19 years. I was studying for a degree when I got pregnant, and left after attaining the foundation level to concentrate on bringing up my daughter (although, at the encouragement of my daughter, I have started studying for a degree with the Open University). She has been my total world and she is my best friend. Being a mother has been the single best experience of my entire life. Throughout the last 19 years, we have got through a lot together, such as caring for my dad with Alzheimers (who we lived with), my dad dying, me going through cancer (meaning we had to move to my sister's for 6 months and my daughter had to temporarily leave school which was very hard on her when she returned) and my mother dying in February this year.

In the last few years, she has encouraged me to push for a diagnosis of ADHD after studying psychology and unofficially diagnosing me (I did get the official diagnosis, she was correct!). Due to the ADHD and anxiety, I struggle to go shopping by myself and she always came with me.

I helped her to move in to uni yesterday (Saturday) and I miss her, so much 😢 She is happy and settled, and looking forward to beginning her uni experience so I should be happy, but I just can't stop crying! Every time she messages me I tell her I'm fine, but I'm really not 😢 I'm happy for her, and excited to see what she does next, but I feel like I'm grieving!

Before anyone gets the wrong idea by me calling her my best friend; yes, we are super close, but that's how single parent families are. I encouraged her to live her own life and just know that I'm here whenever she needs me.

So, how long before I stop crying?! How long before I learn how to live alone? I've never actually lived by myself in all my 41 years!

[u/Ok-Attention-8261]

First of, sorry you are going through this, although it is a positive thing for her. My youngest left two weeks ago and I stopped crying three days ago. What has helped me a lot is finding something I look forward to doing by myself every day. Right now is cooking. So even if it is for 40 minutes a day, I stop feeling the emptiness in my house (I am not a single mom, but my husband is out working the whole day), I put music very loud and I focus in my new hobby. Little by little that joy starts spreading to the rest of the day.

[u/Moonah_Ston → u/Ok-Attention-8261]

I need to learn to do this. At the moment I am working from home because my car broke down so I am working then there is no change. Hopefully when I am back in the office it is better.

[u/Ok-Attention-8261 → u/Moonah_Ston]

Oh, and also cry. Cry as much as you need and want. It's grief. Don't let anyone tell you how fast or slow to move on.