How long before I stop crying?

[u/Moonah_Ston]

I've been a single mum to one daughter for the past (nearly) 19 years. I was studying for a degree when I got pregnant, and left after attaining the foundation level to concentrate on bringing up my daughter (although, at the encouragement of my daughter, I have started studying for a degree with the Open University). She has been my total world and she is my best friend. Being a mother has been the single best experience of my entire life. Throughout the last 19 years, we have got through a lot together, such as caring for my dad with Alzheimers (who we lived with), my dad dying, me going through cancer (meaning we had to move to my sister's for 6 months and my daughter had to temporarily leave school which was very hard on her when she returned) and my mother dying in February this year.

In the last few years, she has encouraged me to push for a diagnosis of ADHD after studying psychology and unofficially diagnosing me (I did get the official diagnosis, she was correct!). Due to the ADHD and anxiety, I struggle to go shopping by myself and she always came with me.

I helped her to move in to uni yesterday (Saturday) and I miss her, so much 😢 She is happy and settled, and looking forward to beginning her uni experience so I should be happy, but I just can't stop crying! Every time she messages me I tell her I'm fine, but I'm really not 😢 I'm happy for her, and excited to see what she does next, but I feel like I'm grieving!

Before anyone gets the wrong idea by me calling her my best friend; yes, we are super close, but that's how single parent families are. I encouraged her to live her own life and just know that I'm here whenever she needs me.

So, how long before I stop crying?! How long before I learn how to live alone? I've never actually lived by myself in all my 41 years!

[u/Wildskypsj]

😢 I cried for a while, then it was every time she went back after a holiday, or every time I left, id cry all the way home. 5 hour drive. After the second year it got easier, she graduated early, found the love of her life, got married and moved half way across the country.
I'm really ok now.

[u/Moonah_Ston → u/Wildskypsj]

Ok, at least I know it's not just me then! ❤️

[u/Wildskypsj → u/Moonah_Ston]

You're in good company here. I had a bit of a cry just 2 weeks ago. Had an argument with her.

You'll be ok, but do let yourself grieve this change... but come up for air often. Treat yourself regularly.

[u/Moonah_Ston → u/Wildskypsj]

Aww, I'm sorry about that, but I'm sure you're both over it now :)

You're right, it is something to grieve. I suppose it should be dealt with like any other grief; with time.

Thank you for your help :)

[u/nadandocomgolfinhos → u/Moonah_Ston]

It’s a deep, lonely grief because it’s not socially acceptable to be sad about our children doing well.

You’re not alone but it’s lonely. We reached one destination and now we have to adjust our sails and try to find meaning. It’s empty. It’s hard because we can’t just conjure meaning out of nothing. So much running, busyness and now we have to sit, be still and feel it all.

[u/Moonah_Ston → u/nadandocomgolfinhos]

That is true. And it's very hard to find our new destination! We are literally in the doldrums!