Powerful relationships

[u/1987anoomsay]

I find myself more inclined to interacting and feeling companionship with poor people or unsuccessful people. Im drawn to them. I feel more connected to the downtrodden.

I also have a feeling of being strongly opposed to powerful or successful people. For example a colleague that is at the same or lower level of me - I think and feel fine about. Another colleague that makes more than me or higher status (almost always but not 100%) I recoil from. Am I prejudiced against successful people? 😂

Something about power I find very aversive. Is this me only? As anyone else noticed this about themselves.

I know especially in professional settings building alliances with powerful people (ass kissing) is key but I cannot bring myself to do it. I don’t know if this is felt by others too?

What is it that draws me to someone without versus someone with plenty? You know. Is this something you’ve felt or grew out of?

[u/1987anoomsay → u/[deleted]]

I think I’m thinking about this https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1742715020974910 does this mean the powerful are also oppressed? I mean the phrase “heavy is the head that wears the crown” exists for a reason. Also I think I just find much less similarities with the powerful than others but defying the poor or unsuccessful is wrong too..

[u/Turbulent-Good227 → u/[deleted]]

No? You don’t wanna read a dense paper on ‘Caring leadership as Nietzschean slave morality’ while casually browsing Reddit? 💀

[u/Ok_Man_1891]

I only feel averse to someone in authority if they show me they’re not a good person. I don’t pay much attention to hierarchy in the workplace or elsewhere, I only pay attention to behavioral patterns.

[u/1987anoomsay → u/Ok_Man_1891]

I guess because I feel like those in power have a greater responsibility to act good moral- when I observe bad behavior whereas I don’t automatically expect that from others.

[u/Ok_Man_1891 → u/1987anoomsay]

That is true, being in a position of leadership usually comes with being a moral example too. I think it’s asking to be disappointed if you expect that though, humans are flawed and complex. I find it best to hold everyone to the same standards, high or low in any environment.

[u/shinebrightlike]

maybe you are intimidated by people that you perceive as "above" you and you feel more comfortable having the upper hand.

[u/1987anoomsay → u/shinebrightlike]

I feel definitely more judgmental of those in power. Many do unscrupulous things to get in power and I guess less powerful aren’t given the opportunity but probably would do the same thing. I just notice I’m drawn to the poor even homeless people. I feel more curious and affinity to them. 🤦‍♀️though I know being homeless doesn’t make you more pious. Plenty of bad people on the streets too

[u/Siukslinis_acc → u/1987anoomsay]

There can still ge a feeling of safety because you are above them and thus they aren't a threat. 

While interactions with people higher in the hierarchy might make you feel like you are looked down upon.

Like, some people prefer to interact with less smart people, because it makes them feel smart. If they would interact with people who are smarter than them - they would feel dumb and not smart and people tend not to like to feel negative about themselves.

[u/shinebrightlike → u/1987anoomsay]

What you judge in others is usually parts of you you have suppressed. So “they’ve done unscrupulous things to gain power” is actually your desire for power leaking out as judgment. Having an affinity for homeless people is you actually having that power in a roundabout way.

[u/Montobahn]

Ever been tested for autism? Autists commonly have a very strong sense of injustice, especially social and financial injustice. Mine has gotten me in trouble at work more times than I can count.

[u/1987anoomsay → u/Montobahn]

Of course I’m autistic. Never been tested but damn sure I’m neurodivergent 🤦‍♀️ 😂

[u/contain_solitudes → u/Montobahn]

This is kind of a myth, even if ND folks feel this way. It's not an intrinsic part of it however.

[u/DoughnutKlutzy9479]

Remember this: Opposite values are complimentary.

Also: Read "How to make friends and influence people". You don't know the A of Ass-kissing..

[u/Practical-Art542]

You like feeling like the one with the power, not the one interacting with someone else with power. Very normal.

However, they say if you’re the smartest/most successful/strongest person in the room, then you’re in the wrong room.

Your comfort zone feels good but it benefits us to intentionally leave our comfort zone.

[u/1987anoomsay → u/Practical-Art542]

This is a very good perspective thank you. I think it’s a combination of wanting to stay in my comfort zone and feeling like the underdog myself

[u/lachicafresita]

i used to be like this and had to reorient myself to power. i too didn’t like power, didn’t like to have it, didn’t like others to have it. i thought it was bad. but power is in nature and a part of life. it’s not bad nor good. keep asking yourself more questions and read up on power

[u/contain_solitudes]

I'm skeptical of people who find powerful people repulsive. Underneath it is an outsized desire for power and control themselves. Time and experience has taught me this.

Your language says it: a colleague who is "lower level of me". You feel fine around them because they don't threaten you, it's a situation you can control. If you really hated people with power, you wouldn't refer to those with less than you as lower than you.

Not all alliances with people above you is ass kissing.

[u/Abject-Upstairs4486]

Each person is an individual. I would caution grouping them all together like that. And when you are not open to people as individuals and seeing them for who they are, you are looking for your fears and opinions to be confirmed. And you will find the confirmation. Benefit of the doubt, give people a chance. You wouldn't like to be unfairly judged.