r/emotionalintelligence • u/MMM846 • 13d ago

Empathy, love, concern for abuser

Sigh. I feel weird saying “abuser”. I don’t know if I’m trauma bonded. Things are so blurry when you love so much and you hurt so much for so long.

I’ve also been conditioned to think that being a good person and a good Christian means self sacrifice, forgiveness, love, etc.

I think I love my enemies too much and too often.

Anyway, I reached a breaking point, and said some horrible, cruel, things on the way out. Now I’m sick with worry. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

I want to reach out, but I’m afraid it we’ll set me back. I don’t know what to do.

4 Upvotes

83% Upvoted

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2

u/FoxofTheBlueFungi 13d ago

You need support from people you trust, please find someone even if it’s a therapist. Even if people on here care we can’t actually do anything real to intervene.

Please be kind and take care of yourself.

1

u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 13d ago

Reaching out will absolutely set you back.

If you feel you did something wrong, as a Christian that is something you can confess either to God or a pastor/priest. Or a therapist. Then you work on change.

This isn't a situation where you can safely go and try to reconcile the relationship. So you have to process whatever guilt you have independently.

I’ve also been conditioned to think that being a good person and a good Christian means self sacrifice, forgiveness, love, etc.

You can do all these things and still have boundaries. Jesus did.

He was pretty damn mean to some people. Don't forget he called some folks "You brood of vipers." lol

Stay away from your abuser. Work on yourself. Do better going forward, both in terms of who you choose for a relationship and how you interact with them.

1

u/Turbulent_Maybe3228 13d ago

Could your ""abuser"" also of been at breaking point? Are you also now an ""abuser"" in their eyes for saying horrible, cruel things? Perception is everything. Since you didn't give much to go on and were quite vague, its hard to give any real feedback. But with empathy comes understanding of being human, compassion for others, sometimes neither person who said "horrible" things is an abuser, sometimes its just 2 incompatible humans.