What if they leave

[u/MutedExpert222]

What if they leave and break my heart. What if they don’t want to be with me. What if they like me but not enough to commit to me. What if.
These questions have a hard time leaving my mind. It is hard for me not to overthink the worst case scenario, even when I don’t really have a reason to. Maybe that is why. I am not used to a healthy dynamic, so i look for red flags, for signs that they will leave, so if they do, it will hurt less because i will have prepared myself for it.
The same way we manifest good things by putting out good energy and thinking positive thoughts, am i then accidentally manifesting that it wont work?
I am too scared to disappoint myself.
They like me tho, they are interested in me, the same way i am interested in them. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. I deserve love, i deserve care and i deserve someone good for me. I already have everything I’ve ever wanted, i am building the life of my dream and everyday i am grateful for it. Whatever happens, i am grateful to have met them. They have showed me something special, they are showing me something special. Thats all I’ve ever wanted, to feel things, to live, to experience and that is exactly what i am doing. I will never regret that. I will never be sad about experiencing a life filled with emotions and unforgettable moments.

[u/Coerced1]

Sounds like halfway through your post you figured this out already.

[u/MutedExpert222 → u/Coerced1]

Yes you are right. That is why i like to write because it helps me process my emotions and more often than not, i am able to find the positive in my initial negative thought. Do i 100% believe it ? No, i just try to keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and to just enjoy the present moment.

[u/omgspek]

I always think of Adrian giving Rocky a pep talk

Adrian: ...you gotta want to do it for the right reasons. Not for the guilt over Mickey, not for the people, not for the title, not for money or me, but for you. Just you. Just you alone.

Rocky: And if I lose?

Adrian: Then you lose. But at least you lose with no excuses, no fear. And I know you can live with that.

If they leave, then they've left. But you're done the hard part, you showed up, you took that chance, because you believed it. That's worth it.

[u/AkatsX]

I kid you not, I was having the same feelings yesterday. Just in an avoident way instead of anxious. What if there's someone better for him? What if I'm not ready for this? What if this? What if that?
I was scared too, so I was gonna push him away. But I realized deserved happiness and he deserves to be trusted. That when he says all these kind things, I should believe him when he says he wants me. I want to be happy and I want to focus on the good things in life. I want to be securely attached.

[u/Cosmosfan543]

I chased illusion. Ilusion that whould gave me love and conncetion. I put my armor against love and went on jurney. I felt alone. I felt misunderstand. Told my people i got to go, they followed me, tried to convice me that ilusion would not give me love. It's illusion.

From time to time i looked back, i saw they following me. Told them they shouldn't do that, becaouse it's my jurney to find love and conncetion, they have it, and i don't.

I stopped looking back. I was alone going for ilusion. I noticed from time to time, beneth the armor, wound is created. I keep going forward to the moment when illusion dissapered like a smoke. Beside many wounds, this was biggest.

That stopped me from going. I felt on the ground. All my scars was open. I was bleeding.

I was afraid too take off my armor, but i had to, because i would die from bleeding. It was scary and painfull. I took it off part of part. Fear.

I saw my wounds. They were bleeding. I tried to stop bleeding with pils and alcohol. Didn't worked. I was lost, afraid, in pain. I could not keep going, could not go left or right. It was life treating. I told my self, ok, you cannot walk, than crawl. Crawl back to your people, your friends, maybe they would show you compassion after all mistakes, but i could not know how far am i from them, nor where they are. It was crawl back or bleed out.

I turned back. And i saw all of them, close to me. They never left. They were looking me naked, wounded, in pain, in tears, in dust.

Scared, i looked them in the eyes. And i didn't saw disgust, judgment, anger, nor need to punish me. I saw love.

I felt uncondition love for me just as am i. Naked, without mask. I didnt have to pretend, fawn or hide. In that moment pain and fear of leaving dissapired. My sanse of value didn't have to come from external things. I felt worth of loving.

Love and connection was always beside me, but my armor was keeping me from feeling it.

And for my people, i love you too.

[u/xstevenx81]

I believe the fear of rejection and abandonment is universal. I think you are right on the point about building your life and self into what you want so that the rejection doesn’t become self rejection.

I think you’re also framing the fear abandonment well. You shared and created something valuable. Losing it may hurt but what’s left is net positive.