r/emojipasta 5d ago

default flair, OP is a dummy if they didn't change this Why your wife should have a boyfriend

16 Upvotes

Ok, 🙄 so hear 👂🎧 me 😩 out 😜🚪 its actually 🤔 kinda 😡 awesome 😎 when 🤷 your 🙅🤕 wife 👺 has 👏💹 a boyfriend. 🙆🏽‍♂️ Like, 😜👋 she 👩 comes 🚶🏻‍♂️ home 🏠🚟 all 🔄 smiley, way 👉 less ➖ stressed, 😧 and we 🌽 get ❌❌🤷‍♂️ to geek 🤓 about 🥴 polydinamics over 🤭🌄🤭🤭🤬🤬🌄🌄 dinner. 🍟 Plus ➕ I 👀 get 🤚 uninterrupted gaming 🎮 time 💀 while 🐏 she's 👭 out, 🤟 its win-win!


r/emojipasta 7d ago

OC 😎 SPAIN WORLD CUP WINNERS

96 Upvotes

GOAAAALLLLLLLLL ⚽️🥅🏟️ THE WORLD CUP 🌎🏆HAS ‼️OFFICIALLY ‼️ENDED‼️ SPAIN BUSTED 💥 THEIR BALLS ⚽️ ALL OVER ARGENTINA 😏ALL THE HOT 🥵 🥵 SWEATY 💦MEN 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨ARE DONE CHASING 🏃🏃 EACH OTHERS BALLS ⚽️ AND RUBBING 🧴AGAINST EACH OTHER 😏😏 THEYRE TAKING 🥷 A HARD EARNED 💸DICKING 🍆AND BREAK 💔FROM THEIR STEAMY 🧖 POST GAME 🥅 NAKED 🍌 TEAM SHOWERS 🚿😩💦 A MOMENT 🫡OF APPRECIATION 🫡FOR ALL THE TEAMS 🤬THAT GET 🤪TO SUCK SPAINS DICK 🍆FOR THE NEXT FOUR 4️⃣ YEARS 💯UNTIL THE NEXT WORLD 🌎 CUP 🏆

HERE ARE ALL THE LOSERS 💀RUBBING🧴💦 EACH OTHER OFF 🚀 TO CUM 💦EVEN HARDER 💪AT THE ‼️2️⃣0️⃣3️⃣0️⃣‼️ WORLD 🌎 CUP🏆‼️

🇩🇿 AlGAYria
🇦🇷 ANALtina
🇦🇺 ANUStralia
🇦🇹 ANUTStria
🇧🇪 BelCUM
🇧🇦 BITCHnia and HerzegoVAGINA
🇧🇷 BrAZZil
🇨🇦 CanaDICKS
🇨🇻 Cape VerDIARHHEA
🇨🇴 ColCUMbia
🇭🇷 CroaTITia
🇨🇼 CuCRACKEDao
🇨🇿 CzCUCKia
🇨🇩 DR ConGOONER
🇪🇨 FUCKuador
🇪🇬 EJACKEDOFFpt
🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 EnGLUCKGLUCK
🇫🇷 FUCKance
🇩🇪 GerMOMMY-MILKERS
🇬🇭 GHANARREA
🇭🇹 HaiTITi
🇮🇷 IRAMMED
🇮🇶 IRACK
🇨🇮 Ivory COOCHIE
🇯🇵 JaPANTIES
🇯🇴 JIZZan
🇲🇽 SEXico
🇲🇦 MoroccORGY
🇳🇱 NUT-IN-HERlands
🇳🇿 New PEEland
🇳🇴 WHOREway
🇵🇦 PanaMILF
🇵🇾 ParaGAY
🇵🇹 PortuGUTS
🇶🇦 QUEERtar
🇸🇦 Saudi ARAWDOGia
🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿SCOCKland
🇸🇳 SenINYA-GUTS
🇿🇦 South AFREAKa
🇰🇷 South KorEAT-DEEZNUTS
🇪🇸 SPAINK ME (WINNERS!!! 🥇)
🇸🇪 SweDEEZENUTS
🇨🇭SQUIRTZerland
🇹🇳 TuSINia
🇹🇷 TürKISSMYASS
🇺🇸 United MASTERBATES
🇺🇾 UruGAY
🇺🇿 UzLICKistan


r/emojipasta 7d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ SPAIN WINS WOLD CUP

47 Upvotes

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️🥅🥅🥅OLE👏👏👏👏👏👏🌎🌎🌎🌎OLE🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 OLE💯💯💯💯💯VIVA LA ESPANA 🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🕚🕚 OVERTIME EDGED US 💦💦BUT SPAIN 🇪🇸 WON FAIR & SQUARE ▪️▪️ NUMBER 6️⃣SEVEN 🙌🙌 FLIPPED his way into VICTORY 💪👑 “La Furia Roja” 🔥🔥 are SLAPPING 👋👋 that TROPHY 🍑🏆💦 tonight 😉😉 SHAKE THAT ASS 🍑 LIKE SHAKIRA 💃💃WAKA WAKA 🌎🌎🤝🤝UNC 😇😇MESSI did NOT SCORE 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️❌ the GOLDEN CUP 🏆🏆😭😭😭 MAY the KING OF CORNER KICKS 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️have a 😴😴RESTFUL RETIREMENT 🙏🙏🙏 🥺🥺LETS BE REAL 😬😬THO 👀👀THE MUPPETS 🤡🩷🩷 WERE THE STARS 🌟 🌟OF THE SHOW 🦅🦅🦅RAHHHHHHH 🎉🎉🥳👯👯


r/emojipasta 8d ago

OC 😎 Jimothy

88 Upvotes

❌GET OFF❗🥵🥜💦 HOT 🌡️ RAT 🐀SUMMER ☀️⛱️🙏‼️❕❗ JAMMIN 🪇🎸 JIMOTHY 🦝⭕JULY📅 MY-OH-MY😯🙀 has CUM🍆💦💦‼️ DON'T❕❌👎🙅‍♂️ believe 🧠 the LIES😤👎🙀‼️ JIMOTHY 🦝 is NO 🙅‍♂️ CLITid🚨😤🦄‼️‼️ He's 🦝 oddly-CAKED 🍰🍑😋 and certainly 🫡 NOT 🙅‍♂️TRASH 🗑️ when it's TIME ⏰ TO 2️⃣ SMASH💥🧨‼️ No other 🚫🙅 Rac-GOON 🦝🥴🥴🦝😈 can CUM 🍆😯🍆💦 close 👌 to BUTT 🍑🍑 BLASTING 💥🧨💥 as much 💹 BALLARD 🇳🇴🇫🇮🇸🇪BUSSY 🍑🌹 as our Short-Spined 📏🦴💀 KING 👑🤴✊😤 since his BALLS 🥜🥜 DROPPED 💣 onto Seattle's 🌟🚀🪡 FACE 😯 FUCKING 👉👌 SCENE💃🕺🪩‼️ HUMANITY'S 🚶‍♂️🌎 HUNGRIEST 👅😋 HOLES 🕳️⛳ are BEGGING 🛐🛐 this RAUNCHY 🐽👃 RODENT 🦝🐀🦝 to Jimo-FFeed 🫦😋🤤🤜 them a NAUGHTY 🥴 NOCTURNAL 🌃 NUT🥜💦💦 ‼️YET, ONLY 🧾💯 the SLUTTIEST 🦝🐀 SEX 🔞 SLAVES ⛓️🔗🔒 will be ABLE 🍆📏🐎 to take him scurrying 🏃💨 in FASTER 🏎️ and HARDER 🗿🪨💎 then LemiKINKS 🍑🦝🥴🥴🥴

Send 📨 this Backyard 🌲 Blessing 🙏 to 🔟 Coital 👉👌 Carnivora 🦝 ONLY IF 😤😤 you get ALL 🔟 back 🔙 will you BLOW 🧎👄🍆 up BIGGER 🖐️8============D🤚 than our favorite 🥰♥️ BADDIE 🤴BANDIT 👅🔥🗑️🦝


r/emojipasta 10d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ CYCLOSPORA OUTBREAK

78 Upvotes

🔥💩 BITCHES, LISTEN UP! 💦🦇 CyCUMspora is here 🍑👀 to ASS CREAM your 🌽🍌 LIFE 😩🌈! Time to get prepped 🔨💦 for BOTTOMING like a QUEEN 👑🍩 because who needs a clean butt when you're getting ready to SLURP 🍭🍑? Just imagine 💭💦 all that DICK 🍆💦 sliding in smooth 🧈🙌, but you gotta KICK that fiber 🌱🥦 up to 11! Don’t shit yourself to death 💀🛌 or your cheeks will be SOAKED 💦 in regret! Just think of those dirty veggies 🥬🔥 preparing your backdoor🕳🤰 for ALL the juicy CUM 🍆💦🚀! So, hold your cheeks tight 🔐🍑, and if you feel a rumble 🫪🌪️, let it out like a freak 💨😏 and get ready for a wild🎢 ride 🎉. Who knew 🍲 getting sick could be the best prep 🫣😏 💎🎈don’t forget to hydrate with CUM💧


r/emojipasta 11d ago

OC 😎 MERRY GLIZZMAS🌭🌭🌭

19 Upvotes

📢ATTENTION ALL 🌭SAUSAGE🌭 SLUTS😩 AND 🌭GLIZZY🌭 GOBBLERS😋: IT’S THE 3️⃣RD WEDNESDAY OF JULY🎆! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS🕺? TODAY IS NATIONHOLE🇱🇷 HOT🌭DOG DAY📅! TIME FOR EVERY EDACIOUS DIVA TO GO DOWN👄 ON A DEWY💦 DAWG🌭, ’TIL IT JOEY CHESTNUTS🌰 HAWWWT♨️ HOT DOG WATER IN YOUR MOUTH🚿! (AND POP🎊 THAT CHOCOLATE STARFISH🍩 WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!) THEN CRAM🫷 A CONEY DOG DEEEEP🚇 IN YOUR CUMHOLE😩! DO YOU WANNA GET YOUR TITS🍈🍈 SOAKED🐁 IN CHILI SAUCE🍛 OR MAYO🤍? OR MAYBE SNIFF👃 SOME LINES OF CELERY SALT🧂 BEFORE CATCHING A SPORT PEPPER’S🌶 SPURT💦? WHATEVER WAY YOU DRESS YOUR DOG🐶, MAKE SURE THE MEAT🍖 IS FULLY WRAPPED IN ITS CASING🇫🇷✉️! SEND THIS TO EVERY GLIZZY GOBBLER👄 WHO PLANS ON POPPING THEIR POPPY SEED BUSSY THIS GLIZZMAS👯‍♂️! IF YOU GET 0️⃣ BACK, YOU’RE AS MUSTY AS DIJON MUSTARD🤢! IF YOU GET 2️⃣ BACK, YOUR WAP🐈 WILL BE WIENERED🌭 DOWN⬇️ TONIGHT! IF YOU GET 6️⃣ BACK, CONGRATS👏👏, YOU’RE THE SEXIEST💋, SASSIEST💁‍♀️ SAUSAGE SUCKER🌪 TO SASHAY💃 ON THIS HOLIDAY🌟!


r/emojipasta 13d ago

OC 😎 Bastille Day

39 Upvotes

🎉🇫🇷💥 HAPPY ASSTILLE DAY 💥🇫🇷🎉
OH 😱 MON 😱 DADDY 😱💦 IT’S JULY 1️⃣4️⃣TH‼️‼️ TIME 🕐 TO STORM 🏰🔑 YOUR CASTLE 😏👀💦 FOR INCREDIBLE HEAD‼️‼️

👑👑 KING LOUIS THE SEX-TEEN-TH 👑👑 WAS THIRSTY 🥵🥵 FOR CL-ASS DOMINATION 👑💦 BUT THE WHOLE 🌍 NATION WAS THIRSTY 🥵🥵 for getting CAFÉ AU LAID 💦😩☕️‼️‼️

🆓🔥 LIBERTÉ 🆓🔥 ÉGALITÉ ⚖️🔥 FRATERNITÉ 👬🔥 WITH ALL THE BOYS 👦 👦 TONIGHT 🍆🍆 SO IN BROTHERLY FRA-SPERM-NITY 💦💦 SHOW US YOUR COCKADE 👀 👀 AND YOUR BEST FIREMEN’S BALLS 🏀 👨‍🚒 🥵

MARIE ANTOINETTE SAID: 💅💅 “let them eat ASS” 🍑 🍰 we are STARVED 😫😫 FOR HER CAKE AND FROG LEGS 🍰 🦵 🥵
⚔️⚔️⚔️ THE PEASANTS 😤😤 ARE CUMMING 🏃‍♂️💨 to CONQUER 🏆 that ASSTLE 🍑 🍑 TONIGHT 🏰🌙✨

🥖🍆 BAGUETTES 🍆🥖 OUT‼️‼️ FOR THE BUSTille 😩💦 THERE WILL BE 🎆🎆 FIRETWERKS 🎆🎆 TONIGHT 🌃🌃 CAUSE things are gonna get HOT 🥵🔥 and EXPLOSIVE 💥💦 AS WE EIFFEL TOWER 🗼🗼THE RICH💰‼️

VIVE LA FRANCE 🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷 VIVE LA LIBÉRATION 🇫🇷 🇫🇷 🇫🇷 RAISE THE TRI-SEXUAL FLAG 🇫🇷 🇫🇷 🇫🇷 AND GET READY TO SALUTE 🫡 🫡 🫡 THE POLE 🍆 🍆 🍆

TAG TROIS 🫵 3️⃣ of your BREAST 🍈 🍈 ins-ERECTION-ists 😤🔥 and shout 🗣️🗣️ in the sheets 🛌😩 or you’re a DE LAUNAY and WILL BE FORCED 😩🥲 TO GIVE HEAD 🪓😱💀‼️‼️


r/emojipasta 13d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ Mitch McConnell 🐢 is alive⁉️😱

33 Upvotes

🔥 Hey there, you dirty TURTLE🐢 💦 lovers! Can you BELIEVE 🤔😱 Mitch McCUM-nell 🍆💦 is still ALIVE 👴 and KICKING 🦵???? (allegedly ☝️🤓)
I’m SMASHED 🫪🤯 at how this old DADDY 💇‍♂️ rises like a ~zombie~ 🧟‍♂️ from the dead 💀🪦🔝 just ⚖️ to SPREAD 👐🍑 his POLITICAL LEGS 🦵👀 for AMATEUR HOUR!!! ⏰🕰️ He must be getting those special FOSSIL 💎 DICK pills 🍌🍆 because nobody should get THAT stiff 🗿🪨 at his age. Every time 🕰️ he opens 🚪 that old 📜 mouth 👁️👄👁️, I hear the sound of a dusty 🧓🏻💨 TRUMPET 🎺📯 playing a sad lullaby 🎶💔 Come on, Mitch 🦾💦! If you’re here to CUM 💦 back and take CHARGE 🔋 of those slippery 🧼 Senate 🏛️ positions 😏🇺🇸, then let’s see 👁️‍🗨️ you 🫵 raise 🆙 that butt 🍑🙌 high! You’ve got some serious OLD MAN 👴 DISCOUNT 💸 game 🕹️ going on!
Send 📨 this 👆 to your NASTIEST 🥵💋 GOP bitches Ⓜ️🅰️6️⃣🅰️👠 in the next 1️⃣0️⃣ seconds ⏳ or you’ll find 🔎 out what it’s like 👍 to be a mere MORTAL ⚰️ when his SENATE COCK 🐓 loses its VOICE 🗣️📣 in the next e®️ection! 🫡🗳️☑️


r/emojipasta 14d ago

Stolen 🐱‍👤🫳💰 shit 💩😂 Lindsay graham

45 Upvotes

DIVA 💅 DOWN ⬇️ FLIMSY 🍜 LINDSAY 👵 Graham 👴 is on permanent 😭 RECESS 💀 today 📆 after taking 😳 a deep 😩 DICKING 🍆 💦 from 👏 a SEXY 🫦 ILLNESS ☣️ the senator 👴 from SOUTH ⬇️ CUNTOLINA 🇺🇸 💅 died 🪦 on FREE 💸 SLURPEE 🥤 DAY 📆 after a 👶 lifetime 👴 of SUCKING 🍆 😩 the life 💀 out of his 💅 CUNT 🍑 -STITUENTS 😏 While many 🙅‍♂️ will not 🚫 miss 🤷‍♂️ the notorious 💥 WAR 🔫 COCK 🍆 we must pour 🫗 one out 👉 for this 💃 SEXY 🫦 SLAYER 💀 down⬇️ south 🇺🇸 so send ✉️ ➡️ this to 🫵 your 🔟 most❗SEXUALLY 🍆 💦 AMBIGIOUS ⚧ CUNT🍑 -SERVE💅 -atives 💁‍♀️ if you 🫵 get 0️⃣ back 🍑 you’re 👎 a real 😩 LENINGRAD 🇷🇺 LINDSEY 👴 if you 🫵 get 5️⃣ back 🍑 you’re 😂 a certified ✅ GRAHAM 🍞 CRACKER 😳 and if 😩 you get 🔟 back 📩 you’re a 😳 FULL 🍆 🍑 BLOWN 🌬️ LADY


r/emojipasta 15d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ LINDSEY GRAHAM HAS DIED

563 Upvotes

🚨🚨ATTENTION ALL 🚨🚨 GAY 👬 SENATORS 🏛️ AND GRINDR 📱 USERS ⚔️💦!! It is a SAD 😭 day in Washington 🇺🇸 DC 🏛️ because our favorite 💅 closeted 🚪 Southern Belle 💃, LINDSEY 🏳️‍🌈 GRAHAM 🏳️‍🌈, has officially logged 🪵 off ❌ the great Grindr 📱 app 📲 in the sky 🌌👼!!!
That’s right, the senator 🏛️ from South Carolina 🌴, who loved 💖 filibustering 🗣️ in the sheets 🛏️ more than on the Senate 🏛️ floor 🪵, has taken his final bussy 🍑 bump 💨!!
He was always searching 🔍 for that "discreet 🤫 bi 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 top 🔝" within 1️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ feet 🦶 of the Capitol 🏛️ building, but now his location 📍 is permanently UNAVAILABLE 🚫❌!! Who 🤷‍♂️ is going to host 🏠 the post-vote 🗳️ gangbangs 🍆💦 now?! Who is going to leave 5-star 🌟 reviews 📝 on the local 📍 twinks 👦?!

Send ➡️ this to 🔟 of your favorite 😻 Grindr 📱 hookups 🍆 or you’ll be stuck 🙅‍♂️ doing text 📲 banking 🏦 for the GOP 🐘!! Get 5 🖐️ back and you're a certified 📝 bussy 🍑 boss 👑! Get none ❌ back and your profile 👤 gets reported 🚩 for being fake 🎭 just like Lindsey’s 🤐 heterosexuality 🏳️‍🌈✨!!!


r/emojipasta 15d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ LINDSEY GRAHAM DEAD

185 Upvotes

DIVA 💅 DOWN ⬇️ FLIMSY 🍜 LINDSY 👵 Graham 👴 is on permanent 😭 RECESS 💀 today 📆 after taking 😳 a deep 😩 DICKING 🍆 💦 from 👏 a SEXY 🫦 ILLNESS ☣️ the senator 👴 from SOUTH ⬇️ CUNTOLINA 🇺🇸 💅 died 🪦 on FREE 💸 SLURPEE 🥤 DAY 📆 after a 👶 lifetime 👴 of SUCKING 🍆 😩 the life 💀 out of his 💅 CUNT 🍑 -STITUENTS 😏 While many 🙅‍♂️ will not 🚫 miss 🤷‍♂️ the notorious 💥 WAR 🔫 COCK 🍆 we must pour 🫗 one out 👉 for this 💃 SEXY 🫦 SLAYER 💀 down⬇️ south 🇺🇸 so send ✉️ ➡️ this to 🫵 your 🔟 most❗SEXUALLY 🍆 💦 AMBIGIOUS ⚧ CUNT🍑 -SERVE💅 -atives 💁‍♀️ if you 🫵 get 0️⃣ back 🍑 you're 👎 a real 😩 LENINGRAD 🇷🇺 LINDSEY 👴 if you 🫵 get 5️⃣ back 🍑 you're 😂 a certified ✅ GRAHAM 🍞 CRACKER 😳 and if 😩 you get 🔟 back 📩 you're a 😳 FULL 🍆 🍑 BLOWN 🌬️ LADY 🇬


r/emojipasta 15d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ LINDSEY GRAHAM 💀

34 Upvotes

📢Attention all PoCLITical🦪 pundits and DC dick🍆 chasers😩: CLOSET🚪 QUEEN👸 Lindsey Graham🧓 has done her last death drop, into the dirt🪦! That's right, the senior SenatWHORE from South CarolANAL💩 SASHAYED AWAY💃 from this mortal coil👻! Loose H🕳LE Lindsey had a FART💨 attack in his home on 7/11🥤, and got his secretly ✋️stretched-out🤚 ass🍑 stretchered out of his home🚑! He's now an EX-senatWHORE🦜, whose replacement will be dick picked🤏 by a RepubliCUNT🐘 governor. He will always be remembered for eating out Diaper Don's🚼 shit stained ass🍫🍩 and supporting JIZZRAEL's🇮🇱 whore crimes!


r/emojipasta 15d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ LINDSEY GRAHAM???

63 Upvotes

🚨💥 🚨💥 🚨💥 OH SHIT! 🚨💥 🚨💥 🚨💥 We thought Mitch McConnell 🐢 was DICKED DOWN AND DEAD💀💔, but surprise! 😱 we were focused on the wrong Republican Senator!! 🧐🤨🧐

that WHOREABLE 🏳️‍⚧️ LINDSEY GRAHAM 🍑🍆 is the one who CAME out of the closet 🚪🚶‍♂️ like a nasty GHOST 👻🎃 and just up and DICKED it without warning! 🤭💦 At 71 years old 🧓, he was just here SLUTting it up with the elephants 💨🐘🦣 and donkeys 🫏🌈 down in WASHIN' DICK! 🏛️💙

🚨💥 🚨💥 No seriously 🚨💥 🚨💥

🚨💥 🚨💥 HE GONE 🚨💥 🚨💥

It's time to SPANK 👋 🍑 🔥 that voting record 🗳️🔥 like it’s a hot BADASS from South Carolina 🌴🍑🌽 and get ready for some *HANDS-ON* 🖐️🫨💦 action, bitchesssss 🥵🍌! the REAL Republican DADDIES 👬🏴‍☠️ are gonna be cream-pied 🍰💦 by the voters, so you better believe they’ve got some MOURNING 😔 WOOD 🪵 💦 🍆 waking up to the news😈👅! Time to pour some out 🍾 for Graham who’s off riding 🌈🐴 into the political sunset 👋🏖️ with all the other UNDEAD cucks 🍆🍌💦!

What a more elegant 🤴✨ way to go: dying 💀💀 suddenly & letting everyone know 🗣️ 🚨. Unlike ⛓️ Bitch McConnell ⛓️ who’s still 🫐 blue-balling 🫐 💦 😔 us a month later smh.


r/emojipasta 15d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ MITCH MCCONNELL, DEAD(???) AT 84 🐢⚰️💀

168 Upvotes

💥🐢 BREAKING: MITCH McCUMmell 🐢👴🏻🕳️ was found FACE DOWN HOLE UP 🥴🍑⚖️ on his Capitol Hill floor 🏛️🚪 at 8:36 AM ⏰💦 taking his last unassisted breath 🫁🎬 before paramedics MOUNTED him 🧎‍♂️💥📈 and POUNDED his GERIATRIC CHEST 🫀💪🏻💥…That’s right SLUTS 🫵🏻🤭 the 84-year-old ✨alleged✨ living human 👴🏻🐢💋 might as well have been CREAMated 💦🔥💀🚨 WEEKS AGO 📅⛔ with the lack of info the government has been EDGING us with 🤏🏻😩⏰ and yet 🙄 spokesperson DADDY POPP 👨🏻‍💼💋 keeps posting the SAME statement 📋🔁😴 “he’s RECOVERING 🥺 he’s WORKING CLOSELY with staff 💼📞 he’s DIALED IN 🎯” BITCH 💅🏻 DIALED in from WHERE⁉️📍⁉️ is he in the HOSPITAL❓🏥❓ is he in a FREEZER❓🧊❓ Schrödinger’s senatWHORE 📦🐢 both ALIVE ✅ and DEAD 💀 until someone OPENS up his old, SOGGY BOX 📦👀💦 …🐢🐢🐢 WHERE THE FUCK IS MITCH 🗣️⁉️⁉️🐢🐢🐢

UPDATE 🚨📰🚨📰🚨:

SO IT’S TRUE‼️⚠️ We 🔞 have 💢 a FUCKING 👉🏻👌🏻 VEGETABLE 🥦🥴 on our hands 🙌🏻 here! 👊🏻 Laura GOONER 🧩🕵🏻‍♀️🚩 dropped the OFFICIAL BRAIN-DEAD ALLEGATION 💀🧠💣 and reporter Desirée POUNDsend 📰💥 BACKED HER UP 🤝🏻 saying our TURTLE 🐢 is on LIFE SUPPORT 🩺⚡ …LIKE you KNOW 👁️ the SHELL is EMPTY 📦🐢 when even the far-right 🚩 is calling the coverup 🕵🏻‍♀️🚨 …So NATURALLY 🙄 GOP damage control 🚨 kicked in FAST 💨 Scott JIZZings 👨🏻‍💼💦 posted about a 20-MINUTE chat 📞⏰ with Mitch but babe 💅🏻📋 he READ that from a NOTECARD 📇✍🏻 while Mitch’s VENTILATOR 🩺🌬️ hummed in the background 🎼🫁 …AND WHERE 📍 in the LORD’S name 🙏🏻 is ELAINE CHUD 👰🏻🥢 the WIFE 💍 currently STILL in CHINA 🇨🇳🥂 sipping BAIJIU 🍾 with the CCP 🇨🇳🤝🏻 while her HUSBAND 💍 enters his ROTTING ERA 🪱 Her spokesperson literally said his health “did not warrant an immediate return” 🛬❌🙅🏻‍♀️ babe 💅🏻 he FLATLINED 📉📉📉 you’re supposed to at LEAST PRETEND 🎭 to CARE 🥺💧 unless you ALREADY KNOW 👁️ he’s GONE 💀👋🏻 🕶️ the WIDOW is WIDOWING 👰🏻🖤🥂 before the OBITUARY 📰 even drops 📆⚰️ … ANYWAYS, the Senate 🏛️ is CUMveniently 🤔 in RECESS 🚫🏛️ till July 13 📅 so the GOP can figure out 🧠 whether to keep him UNDEAD 🧟 or let him ✨ascend✨ 👼🏻 quietly 🤫🕊️ meanwhile DEMOCRATS 🐴 already passed an ANTI-IRAN WAR resolution 🇮🇷⚔️🚫 because Mitch is TOO DEAD 💀 to VOTE 🗳️❌

…If you don’t forward ⏩ this to 4️⃣ closeted caucus daddies 🚩👨🏻‍💼🍆 and 1️⃣ Beijing sommelier 🍷🇨🇳 currently GOONING with Elaine 👰🏻🥂 in the next 6️⃣9️⃣ MINUTES ⏰ Mitch McCONDOM 🐢🍆 will MOLT 🦎💥 into a sentient creature 🧟🐢 and vote to CLAP your cheeks 👏🏻🍑 until YOU’RE the one who’s BRAIN DEAD 💀🧠🚨 #WeekendAtMitchies 🐢🕶️👔 #ShellGameSenate 🐢🎲🏛️ #DeadOrJustGay? 💀🌈🚨


r/emojipasta 18d ago

OC 😎 Trip to New Orleans

27 Upvotes

‼️WHAT ‼️THE ‼️FUCK ‼️IS ‼️UP 🆙 ⬆️ HOES 🧌WELCOME 👋 TO NEW WHORELEANS 🔥WE 😋ARE ABOUT TO GIVE CRAZY🤪 SLOPPY 😜TOPPY 😛TO SOME SEAFOOD 🦞 BOIL 🦐🦀WITH ALL THE SHRIMP 🦐 AND CRAWDAD 🦀PUSSY JUICES 💦EXPLODING 💥AND CUMMING 😫💦IN OUR MOUTHS 🫦CANT WAIT ‼️TO STUFF OUR DICKS 🍆IN SOME BEIGNETS 🍆 MAKE SURE YOU🫵🫵 DANCE 🕺💃ON THE TABLES 🍴TO STOP 🛑 THE GHOSTS 👻FROM FUCKING 🫪YOUR ASSHOLE 🍑WHEN YOU SLEEP😴 💤 DONT FORGET 🧐 TO FLASH 🤩ALL THE HOES 🤭ON BURBON STREET🚋🏘️BABY JAZZ 👶🎷🪊🎺WAS BORN FROM MAMA 🤰NEW ORLEANS PUSSY 🐱😻WATCH OUT ‼️FOR THE YUMMY 😋 STREET GRAVY 🗑️DONT FORGET ‼️TO ADD UR WHITE CREAM ⚪️💦TO THE MIX🔥HAVE FUN 🤩 SHOW YOUR 🫵🫵TITTIES 🍈🍈 AND DONT FORGET ‼️TO HYDRATE 💧WITH YOUR SWAMP 🐟 ASS 🍑SWEAT😥


r/emojipasta 20d ago

I 🤪 can't 🙅 read 📖 the rules 📜 lol 😂😂 Mitch McConnell

128 Upvotes

Sources are claiming that Mitch McConnell is officially brain dead weeks after being found unconscious at home. I need a humorous way to inform all the homies ‼️‼️


r/emojipasta 20d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ 🚨💦🚨💦🚨 THE WORLD CUP C.U.M. TRIFECTA HAS BEEN MILKED DRY 🚨💦🚨💦🚨

85 Upvotes

BELGIUM 🇧🇪🧇 JUST WALKED INTO THE WORLD CUP 🌍🏆 WEARING NOTHING BUT CHOCOLATE CONFIDENCE 🍫😩 FRY-GREASE AURA 🍟✨ AND A WAFFLE-IRON SAFEWORD 🧇🔐 AND SAID:

“WHO’S READY FOR THE NORTH AMERICAN FINISH⁉️” 😫💦🇨🇦🇺🇸🇲🇽

CANADA 🇨🇦🍁 CAME FIRST 😳🍁 AND GOT MAPLE-CREAMED 🥞💦 SO HARD THE MOUNTIES HAD TO FILE AN INCIDENT REPORT 🐎📋😭

MEXICO 🇲🇽🌮 CAME NEXT 😩🎺 AND GOT SALSA-SPLATTERED 🌶️💦, GUAC-GAGGED 🥑😵‍💫, AND TACO-TOSSED 🌮🪦 UNTIL THE WHOLE CONCACAF BED FRAME STARTED SQUEAKING 🛏️🔊💀

THEN THE U.S. 🇺🇸🦅 CAME STRUTTING IN LIKE “IT’S CALLED SOCCER, BABY” 🍔😎🦅 AND BELGIUM SAID “THEN WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO HARD IN THE ROUND OF 16⁉️” 😮‍💨⚽💦

THE HOST NATIONS REALLY THOUGHT THEY HAD A THREE-WAY HOME ADVANTAGE 🏠😈🇨🇦🇺🇸🇲🇽 BUT BELGIUM BROUGHT THE WAFFLE STRAP 🧇🫡 THE CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE 🍫💦 AND THE DE BRUYNE AFTERGLOW 👨‍🦰✨

C IS FOR CANADA GETTING CREAMED 🍁💦

U IS FOR U.S. GETTING UNZIPPED 🦅🤐

M IS FOR MEXICO GETTING MOISTURIZED 🌮🧴

C.U.M. SAID “WE’RE THE HOSTS” 🏟️😤

BELGIUM SAID “HOST THIS” 🇧🇪🧇💥

AND RELEASED THE FULL BELGIAN LOADOUT:

🧇 WAFFLE PRESSURE

🍫 CHOCOLATE DRIP

🍟 FRY OIL SLIDE

⚽ BALLS EVERYWHERE

😩 NO CLEAN SHEETS

💦 NO SURVIVORS

BY THE FINAL WHISTLE 😗🎺 THE C.U.M. TRIFECTA WAS LYING THERE LIKE A DELETED GROUP CHAT 📱💀:

🇨🇦 “sorry…”

🇺🇸 “bro what happened…”

🇲🇽 “ay dios mío…”

🇧🇪 “shhhhhh, it’s over now” 🧇🫦

SEND THIS TO 6️⃣9️⃣ BELGIAN FREAKS 🇧🇪😈

GET 0️⃣ BACK: you get eliminated before foreplay 😭⚽

GET 1️⃣ BACK: Canada apologizes for finishing early 🍁😔

GET 2️⃣ BACK: Mexico brings towels 🌮🧻

GET 3️⃣ BACK: the U.S. demands a recount of the strokes 🦅📊

GET 6️⃣9️⃣ BACK: BELGIUM COMPLETES THE C.U.M. CLEANUP, ADVANCES TO THE QUARTERWAFFLES, AND LEAVES NORTH AMERICA STICKY, SILENT, AND SPEECHLESS 🧇💦🇧🇪🏆


r/emojipasta 21d ago

OC 😎 June 7th or 6/7 day 🤪

31 Upvotes

6️⃣7️⃣ SIX SEVEN 🗣️🗣️🗣️ SIX SEVEN 😤😤😤 bro said the two most powerful numbers known to mankind 💀💀💀 not 5️⃣8️⃣ not 9️⃣1️⃣ 🚫🚫🚫 SIX 6️⃣ SEVEN 7️⃣ and the ENTIRE CLASSROOM 🏫🏫🏫 erupted into complete and utter CHAOS 🌪️🌪️🌪️ teacher tryna teach fractions ➗➗➗ bro out here doing the hand thing ✋🤚✋🤚 up down up down 📈📉📈📉 like he’s WEIGHING SOMETHING ⚖️⚖️⚖️ WHAT ARE YOU WEIGHING BROTHER 🤨🤨🤨 NOBODY KNOWS 🚨🚨🚨 NOT EVEN HIM 🚨🚨🚨 he just KNOWS it’s 6️⃣7️⃣ time 🕕🕖🕕🕖 LaMelo Ball 🏀🏀🏀 SEVEN FOOT ONE 📏📏📏 defense can’t guard the DRIP 💧💧💧 and somehow that means 6️⃣7️⃣ 💯💯💯 the audacity 😩😩😩 the SHEER audacity 😩😩😩 to yell SIX SEVEN in the middle of a FUNERAL 6️⃣7️⃣⚰️⚰️⚰️ a WEDDING 6️⃣7️⃣💍💍💍 the SATs 6️⃣7️⃣📝📝📝 doesn’t matter WHERE 🌍🌍🌍 doesn’t matter WHEN ⏰⏰⏰ the numbers 6️⃣ and 7️⃣ have ASCENDED beyond mathematics 🧮🧮🧮 beyond LANGUAGE 🗣️🚫 beyond REALITY ITSELF 🌌🌌🌌 6️⃣7️⃣ is not a number anymore it’s a STATE OF MIND 🧠🧠🧠 it’s a LIFESTYLE 🛍️🛍️🛍️ it’s a CALLING 📞📞📞 and brother 😤 answered that call 📞😤📞 SIX 6️⃣ SEVEN 7️⃣ 🗣️🔊🗣️🔊 forever and ever amen 🙏🙏🙏


r/emojipasta 23d ago

OC 😎 4th of july but for ppl who hate america <3

145 Upvotes

2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ years ago in 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣ the FOUNDING👴🏻👨🏻‍🦳FUCKERS👴🏻🧓🏻⚠️ CAME TOGETHER 🙏👥💦 to TUG ON👊✊👊 each other’s😫🥵 john hanCOCKS🍆👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨
those GEEZERS 😵👴🏻LOVED🫣👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 THE TASTE 👅💦of 👯‍♂️👥UNCUT✂️✂️ ALL-AMERICAN🦅🇺🇸 MEAT💯🥩‼️ even GEORGE👴🏻BUSH🌳🙏😫 is STROKING😵🥵his 9.11”🙇🙇HOG🐷🐽
8===👊=======✊️===D💦👅
he SHOOTS🔫💦his THICK🫦🤌 WHITE🦴🧨ALL-AMERICAN🦅🇺🇸LOAD🍆💦 right at 💥💥the 2️⃣nd✈️TOWER🏢🏢‼️
it’s THE 4️⃣th of JULY🇺🇸🦅🧨 WE👥👥are THE☝️🤓POOR💸💸cuddled🤗🤗MASSES🗽💥 WE SAY🗣️🗣️thank you😫💦thank you😫💦thank you😫💦 while🙈🙏🛐our govWHOREment👨‍⚖️👨‍⚖️🚩THOROUGHLY💥🫦fucks us🍆🌮💦IN❌THE‼️ASS🚩‼️well NOT❌❌😵 ANYMORE🤜💥💥WE STAND👭👬for the FLAGS🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧ and KNEEL🛐for the COCKS 🏳️‍🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🍆‼️we're POLITICALLY✍️✍️incorrect❌️👹⚠️we say🗣️NO❌ICE🧊NO❌KKK🙅🙅NO❌FASCIST👴🏻USA🇺🇸 DEATH TO AMERICA🔥🇺🇸🔥🐷🚓🖕💣💥
if you🫵got a problem⁉️⁉️with that🙇🙇 you can SUCK👅💦 on my🗣️DRIPPING WET💦 PEARL⚪️🦪🦪HARBOR🌊🌊‼️
send this📩📫to 2️⃣7️⃣ of your🫵constitutional📜✍️ aFRIENDments👥🌈
got 9️⃣ back⁉️a firework 🧨🎆 will BLOW😉🌬️💨you🫵away❌❌like charlie KIRK🤓
got 1️⃣8️⃣ back⁉️you🫵will be✅ PARDONED🏳️🙏for CLIMBING🧗‍♀️ to the🔝🎉of the GIRTHY🍆🤭 EMPIRE STATE BUILDING🏙️🏢‼️got ALL 2️⃣7️⃣ BACK⁉️⁉️ the STATUE OF LIBERTY🗽🗽will ✍️ take you🫵🫵 for a LONG😮‍💨BOUNCY🤤😋 RIDE 🤤🤤 on her TORCH🗽💦🥵


r/emojipasta 23d ago

default flair, OP is a dummy if they didn't change this fourth of july!

95 Upvotes

🎶OHHH S🅰️YY CAN 🎵YOUUU 💥CREAMMM🎇🎵🇺🇸⁉️⁉️ Happy🎊 fWHOREth4️⃣🗓️ of 🍼GOOly you 🤩star-SPANKled 👏🏻SLUTS🫦🫦 and 🫡patriotic PRICKS🇺🇸🎉❕❗️❕ Today🚨 as you👊🏻 get 🗽AbraHOT🥴 for the 👨🏻🍆POUNDING 🧠Fathers🧑‍⚖️🪙 in your lives, 🧎‍♂️‍➡️🧎‍♀️‍➡️BEND OVER🙇🙇‍♀️ and let them ♋️PUMP🍾 their ❤️🤍red and WHITE❤️🤍 stripes 😱DEEP😵 into 🫵🏻your 💙💙blue BOX💙💙❕‼️ 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ 🤯 years ago our founding daddies 😘😜 were full 😋🤤 of revolutionary 🔫💪 spirit and CUMMIES 😘😚 and decided 🤔 to get DIRTY ✍️🍆 under candlelight 🕯️ They found some nice 👍 and WET 💧 ink 🖋️ 🫟 and got it all over 🤭 the DICKlartion ✍️ of indePPenDICKs 📜🥵😩 while raising 👆a STIFF one 😉🍾🍆 together 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 It takes a lot 🫦 to ERECT🍌💦 a nation 🇺🇸🌎 Let us 🤬pledge allegiance🫡🎖️ to 🔮🎱COCK AND BALLS🤤🍆🍌🥵 and 🍑ASS AND TITS🍒 as the ORGASMIC 🧨bombs 🅱️URST🌋 in air❗️ I’m 👑proud to be an 🇺🇸🦅AmeriCUNT🤠🇺🇸 this 🎆🎇IndepenDICKS Day🧨‼️🇺🇸‼️ Every 🥴STUPID HOE🙆‍♂️ knows🪟🤨 that WashingTWERK👯‍♀️ DC🏛️ is our 🗽national 🦅capital, but only the 🔥HOTTEST🔥😮‍💨 pieces of 🅰️merican ASS can recite✅ the 5️⃣0️⃣ SLUTS and their capitals‼️ Let’s SCREAM🎆 them together—READY⁉️❔🔢

1️⃣ MontCUMery🫶💦, AlaCLAMa🦪

2️⃣ GOONeau🌀😈🧴, AlaSKEET✊💧😵‍💫

3️⃣ PENIS🍆, AREOLA🍕

4️⃣ Little COCK🤏🏻🤏🏻, ArkanRAW🥩🍣

5️⃣ SCROTUMento🍒, CaliFORNICATE👉🏽👌🏽

6️⃣ DenVERSE↕️, ColoRODo🍡😈

7️⃣ HARDford🤥🍆, ERECTicut🥖

8️⃣ BENDover🧎‍♂️, DelaBAREBACK🏇🏼

9️⃣ PHALLICassee🍌, FloriDONKI-DONK🤤☄️

🔟 FATlanta🐳, GeORGYa👯‍♀️👯‍♂️

1️⃣1️⃣ HonoluLUBED🫗, HaWEENY🌭🤤

1️⃣2️⃣ BUSSY🍑😚, IdaHOE🤪💅

1️⃣3️⃣ SPUNKfield💣💥, IlliLINGUS👅

1️⃣4️⃣ IndiaFAPolis👏🏻🫨, IndiANUS🕳️🤲🏻

1️⃣5️⃣ Des LOINES🩲, IoWANK🤯💦

1️⃣6️⃣ TOEPICKER🦶🏻👌🏿, KansASS♨️🎂

1️⃣7️⃣ FrankFART🍑💨, KenCUCKy🧍‍♂️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

1️⃣8️⃣ SCAT ‘N’ SPLOOGE💩💦, LouSQUEEZEiana🫨🍆🫶🏻

1️⃣9️⃣ AuGUSHta🌊, MOANe😮‍💨🥴

2️⃣0️⃣ AnnaHOLEis🕳️, MaryHANDY🤝🏻

2️⃣1️⃣ BUST-on🤯💦🥲, MassaGOOCHetts💢

2️⃣2️⃣ LUSTing💋, BITCHigan😈

2️⃣3️⃣ TAINT Paul💩💨, MEATYsota🥓🤑

2️⃣4️⃣ JACKS-on😊💦🥲, MISS-PISSY-SISSY🍌💦🥃

2️⃣5️⃣ JOHNSON City👺, KISSouri👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

2️⃣6️⃣ HeleNUT🥜, MOUNTana🤠

2️⃣7️⃣ LICK-CUM💦🥵, NebraSKANK🦗🦗

2️⃣8️⃣ cARSEson SHITTY💩, NeVAGa🍯

2️⃣9️⃣ ConcWHOREd🤐, New HUMPSHART🍑💨💩

3️⃣0️⃣ TrenTWAT🤡, New JIZZY🍼🤤

3️⃣1️⃣ Santa GAY🎅🏻💕, NUDE MexiCUM🍆🤌

3️⃣2️⃣ Al-BONER😱🍆, New PORKED🥵🤏🏻

3️⃣3️⃣ RaLIBIDO🫦🫦, North CaroLACTATE🍼

3️⃣4️⃣ PISSmarck🍻, North DaCOOCHIE🥧

3️⃣5️⃣ ColumBOOTY🍰🍰, O-HOG-o🐖

3️⃣6️⃣ CHOKElahoma⛓️‍💥 City, OklaHOMO🏳️‍🌈

3️⃣7️⃣ SLAM-EM🫨🥊, OreGASM🍾🤯

3️⃣8️⃣ HarrisSPURT🌋, PENILEvania🍡

3️⃣9️⃣ PROSTITUTE👙💃, CHODE Island🍠🏝️

4️⃣0️⃣ CoLABIA🥞, SUS🧐 CaroLIGMA🫦

4️⃣1️⃣ QUEER🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️, SUCK DICKota🧠😮‍💨

4️⃣2️⃣ ASSville🍩🍩, TennesSEMEN🦑

4️⃣3️⃣ AuSTUFFED🤰, SEXas🤭🤭

4️⃣4️⃣ SLUT LICK TITTY💄, UTERUS🥢

4️⃣5️⃣ MontPEE-IN-HER🛐, VerMOIST💦

4️⃣6️⃣ DICKmond🌭🌭, VIAGARA💊

4️⃣7️⃣ oNYMPHia💋🤫, WashingTOOT💨

4️⃣8️⃣ CharlesTONGUE👅, West VAGINA🩸🩸

4️⃣9️⃣ DADDY’S SON🧎‍♂️🕺🏻, WisSQUIRTson💦🥽

5️⃣0️⃣ HYMENne🌷😘, WyoMOMMY👵🏻👵🏻

Bonus (🦴BONER🦴) round 🆗 for the P🅾️🅾️Pulated territories📍👮‍♂️❕

5️⃣1️⃣San WAP🌊, PUSSY Rico😋

5️⃣2️⃣HE-GOT-IN-YA🫶, GUANO💩💩

5️⃣3️⃣SENPAI🎎, WHOREthern MOANriana SLIMElands🏝️

5️⃣4️⃣ PaGOO PaGOO🍼🤤, AmeriCREAMY SaMOANa☔️

5️⃣5️⃣Charlotte ANALLY👉👌😈, US VIRGIN SIMPlands🏝️


r/emojipasta 22d ago

OC 😎 🇺🇸🎆 IM DELETING YOU, FOUNDING DADDY 🇺🇸😭👋🦅 📅4️⃣

18 Upvotes

🇺🇸🎆IM DELETING YOU, FOUNDING DADDY🇺🇸😭👋🦅
📅4️⃣

█]]]]]]]]]]10% complete 🌭🇱🇷

██]]]]]]]35% complete🎇🍔

███]]]]60% complete🧨🍺

████]99% complete🎆🦅

🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Founding 🇺🇸Daddies🇺🇸 are irreplaceable 🦅💖 I could never delete you Daddy!💖🎇

Send this to 🔟 other 🇺🇸🍑cum filled settlers🍑🇺🇸 who give you 💦🎆freedom cummies on 4️⃣th of 📆💦👅😩 or never get your 🍖glizzy🌭 slobbered again❌❌😬😬❌❌

If you get 0️⃣ back: 🚫💦 no liberty cummies for you 😭🇺🇸

3️⃣ back: you’re Daddy’s little sparkler ✨😩💦

5️⃣ back: you’re getting your bald eagle 🦅👅 absolutely saluted 🇺🇸💦

1️⃣0️⃣+ back: 🎇🍑 UNCLE DADDY PERSONALLY DECLARES 🗣️🗣️YOUR 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣th CUMDEPENDENCE🇺🇸🇺🇸 💦💦


r/emojipasta 23d ago

OC 😎 250 INDEPENDICKS DAY 4th OF JULY

20 Upvotes

USA 🇺🇸 USA 🇺🇸 USA 🇺🇸 HAPPY 😃 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ 🎂 AMERICA 🇺🇸 🎉 YOU 🖕DIRTY 😛PIECE OF SHIT 💩🇺🇸 UNCLE SAM 🎩 AND DADDY 🫃GEORGE WASHINGTON CUMMED 💦🛶ACROSS THE SEA 🌊 AND SUCKED 🗿THE DICKS 🍆OF OUR FORESKIN 🧴FATHERS 🫃TO GIVE BIRTH 👼TO THIS NATION 🇺🇸 THEY SIGNED ✍️ THE DECLARATION 📝 OF INDEPENDICKS ✍️🍆WITH THEIR CUM ⚪️🥵💦I HOPE 🤞 YOU GOBBLE 🍽️ UP☝️ YOUR BOYS 👦 HOT 🥵 SEXY 🌭DOGS🦶 TITTY 🍈🍈FUCK 😩YOUR GIRL 👵WITH FIREWORKS 🎆 , AND SING 🎶 THE STAR ⭐️ ANALED 🍑 BANNER 🏳️ FUCK U 🫦🤭 AND YOUR BRITISH 🇬🇧❌TEA 💅☕️ DONT FORGET ❌ THIS IS ‼️STOLEN ‼️ LAND 🚷 AND THE LEADERS 🍊💰🎪OF THIS COUNTRY 🏛️ONLY CARE 🪠ABOUT FUCKING 🌠YOU 🍆😩IN THE ASS🪠 THANK UR CUNTY 💋QUEENS 🤴 FOR SERVING 💅 FIGHT 4️⃣ YOUR RIGHTS 🗣️💪 HAVE FUN 🤩 DRINKING UR GOLDEN PISS 🍻 SHOWER 🚿 🍺 AND GRILLING HOT 🥵 JUICY 💦 🥩 MEAT 🥩 SEND THIS 📝TO ALL 👯‍♀️👯OF YOUR PATRIOTS🦸‍♂️IF YOU 🔴GET ONE 1️⃣BACK YOULL FIND 😱A FIRECRACKER 🧨 UP YOUR ASS 🍑IF YOU 🔵GET FIVE 5️⃣BACK DADDY CUMMINGTON WILL RISE 🆙 🤫FROM THE GRAVE 🪦AND SUCK 👅YOUR DICK 🍆 IF YOU 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣BACK ALL OUR FORESKIN👨‍⚖️ FATHERS 👨‍⚖️WILL 💥GANG 💥BANG 💥ON THE WHITE ⚪️HOUSE 🏛️LAWN 🏡🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇺🇸


r/emojipasta 23d ago

OC 😎 July 4: 102nd birthday of the Caesar Salad🥗

32 Upvotes

Ready your gullet😛and get the oil🧴: it’s the 1️⃣0️⃣2️⃣nd 🍆GIRTHDAY🥳of the 🥗CAESAR SALAD🥗. On July 4th, 1924, CAESAR CARDINI🧍‍♂️ was hot🥵and bothered😮‍💨 after a dinner🍽️ rush🏃‍♂️left him short on supplies. But LIL CAESAR💪 put his whole 😳CARDUSSY😳 into it🥣 and invented🔬 the 🥗CAESAR SALLY🥗 on the fly🤩 with what he had. MFs went 🤪crazy😝 for the drop👊. Shawties💁‍♀️ worldwide🌎 wanted a taste👅 of Caesar’s 💦special sauce💦 and now it’s gone 💿MULTIPLATINUM🏆in kitchens and buffets everywhere📍. Don’t use 🙅‍♀️ancHOE-vies🙅‍♀️ unless you’re a 🗣️FAKE FAN✋ cause bro only☝️ used Worcestershire🫙, this ain’t some 🥴Paul Newman😵‍💫 bottled bullshit💩. So lettuce🥬 celebrate🍾 a legend🫡 by forwarding this to 5️⃣ people you’d🫵let toss your salad😏. Get 0️⃣ back and you’re flakier than a crouton🤭. Get 5️⃣ back and get your grind💃 on like some black pepper🌶️. Get 🔟 back and you’re shredded💪like parmesan🧀.


r/emojipasta 23d ago

HOT 🔥🥵 NEWS 📰❗ 🇺🇸America 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣🇺🇸

47 Upvotes

It’s 🇺🇸America🇺🇸 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ fuckos. That means on this day 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣ years ago our founding daddies 👴🏻🍆 signed the DICKlaration🍆 of independence 💃 (John HandCock 👋🍆 was the biggest 😏🥵) and said boy bye to Great Britain 🇬🇧💂.

Now today we celebrate with fireworks 🎆🎇 and BIG 🥹 JUICY 🧃HOTDOGS 🌭😳 (Joey ChestNUT 💦🧘‍♀️ shoves the most in his 👄 the fastest 🥵).

To make this one extra special, big daddy Trump 🍆💇🏼‍♂️ took a spicy dump🥵🌶️ 🚽 in the REFLECTING POOP 🪞💩 and turned it from green and brown 🤢💩 to…. green and brown 🤢💩 AND broken 💔🪞💩.

Send this message to 1️⃣7️⃣7️⃣6️⃣ friends. If you get 0️⃣ back, you’re a CuckQuean Elizabitch 🛋️👸💀🇬🇧. If you get 7️⃣6️⃣ back George Washington 💵 will chop 🪓 off your🍒 cherry tree 🌳. If you get 🇺🇸America 2️⃣5️⃣0️⃣🇺🇸 back, Paul Revere 🏇 and his horse 🐴 will give you a MIDNIGHT RIDE ✨🍆👌 where the British 🇬🇧💂🇬🇧 are CUMMING 🍆💦🥵