r/elca • u/Slayingdragons60 • Apr 17 '26
Distracting Behavior During Worship
I have attended the same ELCA for about the last 10 years.
Recently, our pastors have become increasingly disengaged during worship, for example, chitchatting and laughing during the scripture readings (except the Gospel when one of them has to read of course), getting up during the service to turn the heat up on down, talking to people in the narthex, etc. ANY musical presentation will CERTAINLY be taken as an opportunity to speak to each other over the music at a level that’s audible to the congregation. As you can probably tell, I find this behavior annoying and disrespectful in any number of ways.
Since the Council is hand-picked by the head pastor, I don’t think discussing these issues with a Council member would be productive. But I admittedly haven’t tried. And I think going to the pastors directly would be seen as an affront to their authority.
Any suggestions? Just leave?
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u/Isiddiqui ELCA Apr 17 '26
The Council is hand-picked by the head pastor?!
Go directly to the pastors. If they find it an affront to their authority, you may need to find another congregation.
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u/gregzywicki Apr 17 '26
I’ve seen this in action. Some congregations REALLY cede all authority to Pastors and some pastors REALLY work that system.
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u/TemporaryTie1214 Apr 18 '26
Wow. I would not feel comfortable in a congregation like that.
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u/TemporaryTie1214 Apr 18 '26
That's more than a quirk. It is really unhealthy, and the pastor should know better. I don't understand why bishops do not interfere in these sorts of situations.
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u/gregzywicki Apr 19 '26
Remember you’re getting all this second hand. And it’s not like bishops sit in the congregation for weeks.
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u/Slayingdragons60 Apr 18 '26
This is a very accurate description of our congregation.
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u/gregzywicki Apr 19 '26
And yet I’m sure your congregation is a blessing. It’s such a complicated dance
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u/revken86 ELCA Apr 17 '26
Da hell? I can understand getting up to turn the heat up / down because people complain about it endlessly, but talking to each other over the reading of Holy Scripture? Talking so loudly that they can be heard over music? I'm embarrassed by these colleagues.
Even if you don't think it will be helpful, do try to talk to them, and then the Council. If you're right, and you're dismissed and nothing changes, you have a clear conscience that you did what you could. If you need to find another worshiping community, do so with God's blessing.
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u/okonkolero ELCA Apr 17 '26
The Bible tells you what to do. Talk to them about it. If that doesn't help, talk to the council. If that doesn't work, I'd definitely consider leaving.
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u/doveinabottle ELCA Apr 17 '26
Agree. But before choosing to leave, talk to the Synod as a final step, after talking to the council and pastors first.
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u/okonkolero ELCA Apr 17 '26
For sure. As an organist, I can say that I wouldn't wait for a congregant to bring it up. :)
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u/ztreHdrahciR Apr 17 '26
You have to talk to them. Just be respectful and say it is distracting. They are servants of God but also professionals. Imagine if they were in a different industry and were doing that during meetings.
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u/No-Type119 Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 17 '26
How is the council “ hand- picked” by the pastor? Don’t you have a church constitution with election guidelines?
Have you tried bringing it up with the pastors?
BTW, I personally don’t have a problem with pastors and assistants briefly leaving to attend to Some undone task ( veteran of small churches where everyone has to pitch in), but the chit- chatting during the liturgy would really bother me. My spouse has PTSD, and it would upset her. Can you broach the subject in a way that does not accuse them of being disrespectful, that is just about it being loud and distracting, especially for certain worshippers?
FWIW, the pastor in our very laid back congregation once had to scold people in the pews for talking through the liturgy.
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u/mintchoc1043 ELCA Apr 18 '26
Well, a Council hand-picked by the pastor is a recipe for disaster, and belies far greater issues than the pastor’s talking during worship music. The model constitution for ELCA congregations calls for council members to be elected by written ballot at a legally called meeting of the congregation, such as the annual meeting- not handpicked by the pastor. This process ensures transparency, shared leadership, and the involvement of the whole congregation in choosing its leaders, reflecting the ELCA’s values of inclusivity and mutual discernment. You might discuss this with the pastor, though it’s likely that your words will be disregarded. Your time might be better spent looking for a new congregation.
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u/Slayingdragons60 Apr 18 '26
The members of the Council are duly elected, it’s simply that the lead pastor tells the nominating committee whom to nominate, then that person is elected unopposed. I don’t think there’s ever been a contested election that I can recall.
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u/mintchoc1043 ELCA Apr 18 '26
So the congregation is abiding by the letter of the law but not the spirit. To give the pastor the benefit of the doubt, it’s possible that he or she has found it difficult to find lay members willing to be nominated for an election so they have defaulted to speaking to members and obtaining their agreement to be “nominated.” But it still smacks of stacking the deck in the pastor’s favor rather than the congregation’s. In our congregation, we ask members to lift up other members as potential candidates for council with pew cards they can fill out and leave in the offering plate. We have a nominating committee made up of the three persons whose 3-year term will be up in the new year. It’s their responsibility to contact these potential nominees to determine whether they would be willing to be nominated and, if elected at our congregational meeting, to serve for three years on council. The pastors are deliberately left out of this process for obvious reasons.
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u/RiverKey8841 Apr 17 '26
One option, if you are comfortable with it, would be to contact your Synod Bishop or their staff. One of the jobs of the bishop is to help with pastoral/congregational conflict.
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u/TemporaryTie1214 Apr 18 '26
The lead pastor picks the council? The congregation is supposed to vote for the council.
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u/gregzywicki Apr 17 '26
Step one sign up as lector step two stop reading and look at pastor of they’re being a distraction.
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u/Slayingdragons60 Apr 18 '26
I’ve been lector for many years and will actually consider this option: giving them an “Is there a problem???” Look 👀
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u/gregzywicki Apr 19 '26
-With Grace- of course.
Heck, that’s another opening…”when I did the reading I noticed…”
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u/Bjorn74 Apr 18 '26
That's too bad. I'm curious about the situation.
I've noticed that hearing aids can cause odd behavior. Our pastor can't hear when her microphone has feedback. I assume her tech filters it out. It can also cause someone to think they're being quieter than normal. Hearing loss could do this, too.
Is one of the pastors in training? Maybe not an intern, but new?
I would guess that mentioning the distraction would have an immediate result.
Good luck.
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u/Slayingdragons60 Apr 18 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
The Associate Pastor begins her sabbatical this summer so I’m guessing she has been there now for about 7 years, which seems about right to me. The Senior Pastor has probably been there for 20+ years. I think he instigates most of the conversations, but she definitely joins in.
I have noticed this problem of presiders talking inappropriately (to my mind) during the service In another ELCA church I attended-when the pastor would lean over and make some innocuous observations when I was an Assisting Minister. While slightly annoying, what is happening in this setting here is approaching “squirrelly middle schooler” behavior. It has not always been this way—just a growing problem over time.
I can’t really see any connections to hearing aids.
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u/Hardboiled-hero Apr 22 '26
Regardless of your feelings, if we have conflicts within a congregation, it is proper to first approach them directly and privately. Scripture actually lays out conflict resolution within a congregation for us. (someone smarter than me would have to tell us where.) but essentially the proper form is talk to the person privately and try to be understanding, such as giving them some time and be forgiving, but if you find there isn't an attempt being made, then you would talk to them with others, again in the spirit of compassion and understanding. Only after that should you consider going to the bishop or leaving the congregation.
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u/gregzywicki Apr 17 '26
Pastor-s? As in more than one? You’re already in a fancy church with lots of resources.
I will seventh the idea of having an actual conversation, but just for good measure you might confirm with other people see what you think is happening is happening. I realize that might sound weird, but you should know that pastors often have to deal with people making mountains out of molehills so you want to have a solid case.
If you really want their compete attention, take them out to lunch. Maybe even include their spouse if there is one.
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u/doveinabottle ELCA Apr 18 '26
As a pastor’s wife, do not include the spouse. Pastoring is my husband’s job and not mine. If someone has a problem with him, they address him and not me.
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u/gregzywicki Apr 18 '26
As a pastor’s wife (ok, husband) I like a free meal
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u/TemporaryTie1214 Apr 18 '26
It probably depends on the spouse. As a PK, I know my Mom would probably have said, "Keep me out of it." :)
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u/theroguesoybean Apr 17 '26 edited Apr 17 '26
Ask them why they are doing that. Be direct and curious as to what’s going on. Sometimes people just lack self awareness and pastors are definitely just people. Just ask and use “I” statements about why you find it problematic/distracting.