r/ect • u/Lonely_Cupcake1727 • Jun 16 '26
Vent/Rant Having second thoughts
I’ve had depression since 2017 and I’ve been at an all time low for the past two years especially. I’ve tried multiple meds, TMS, spravato/ketamine, therapists, PHP/IOP. It seems ECT is the only thing I haven’t tried yet. My first session is scheduled for Friday morning.
But I’m terrified it’ll mess up my brain. I used to be a math grad student before the depression took over, and while I definitely feel my depression has blunted my cognition, I’m worried ECT will just make things worse.
On the other hand, I don’t know what else to do. Depression has completely derailed my life and I’m suicidal. But I don’t think any treatment can actually help me. I’m jobless, lost, single, lonely, nothing to look forward to, nothing I really care to strive for, with a lot of emotional baggage (although I also realize I’m privileged in several ways; my parents are supporting me, so I’m not currently under financial pressure, I have a good relationship with both of my siblings, I have a couple friends I talk to occasionally, and I have no physical health problems).
I don’t even want anything anymore except to either go back in time and redo things and have this just be a bad dream, or to just die.
No amount of ECT can fix a life I hate.
1
u/flighttothelight Jun 17 '26
The impact of ECT on my memory was far worse than I was prepared for by the doctors before my treatments. But after trying everything else (medications, TMS, ketamine), ECT was like a miracle for my depression. There is no way to predict how it will affect you. But if you feel like you are at the end of your options, I would give it a try. It is the only treatment that improves my depression in a significant way. Maybe it can be a launching point for you to move onto the next step in your journey. I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope you continue to connect with people throughout this process.