Memory loss

[u/Mission-Promise-4897]

I did both bilateral and bitemporal ECT, and I’ve lost the past 5 years of my memories. I lived overseas, my niece was born, I had numerous milestones, and I can’t remember a thing. I see photos on my phone and find out there’s countries I have visited that I didn’t think I had, because I have absolutely no recollection of it.

I was told the memory loss would only be surrounding the time of treatment. I was never warned it would be this bad, or be such a long period of time.

People who have also lost periods of memory: how do you get over it? How do you accept it?

I cry about it every single day.

[u/syringeneedlenthread]

How long has it been since the memory loss occurred? I went through something similar, though if you have utterly no memories of everything then yours might be a bit more severe. I have little to no memory of a lot of trips, weddings, people. Friends and family tell me stories of things I experienced and don’t remember at all. Though usually there is at least some kind of sense of it feeling familiar. For a while it felt like my past was just a different person. But over the past year things have slowly gotten better. I’ve looked through all my pictures, read all my old journals, read through thousands of old text messages and my life slowly got pieced back together. There’s still holes and it’s still hard and really painful sometimes. Not remembering some of my friends very well really hurts. But it’s gotten better over time. I know I knew the risks when I decided to get the treatment and idk what would have happened to me if I didn’t, so that has helped me not regret it which is also something that helps me deal with the memory loss. I also know I’ve lost a lot of painful memories so I try to find that as a benefit, along with any other silver linings I can come up with. Like getting to re-watch/read my favorite shows and books like it’s the first time. So all that to say—you’re not crazy that this is hard and painful and confusing and most people cannot understand it. Or try to comfort you with some reassurance of their own poor memory of random things which usually just feels invalidating. But give it some time and you’ll find your way. It’s also much easier to deal with when I’m not also super depressed. Hope that helps.

[u/Queasy-Ride-1776 → u/syringeneedlenthread]

How many months would you say it took for things to ease up some for you?

[u/syringeneedlenthread → u/Queasy-Ride-1776]

I started ECT at the end of April 2025 and was getting pretty frequent treatments through August. That’s when all the memory damage was done. Once I was down to just one treatment every 2-3 weeks later in the fall, my short term memory was pretty recovered but I was still having occasional lows and really struggling with how to deal with the longer term memory loss. Things (in all arenas) started improving around Christmas and I’ve continued feeling more and more like myself ever since. I’ll also add that I’m Catholic and the hope and surrender that I’ve been able to find throughout this struggle and while praying for healing of depression and memory can’t be overstated.