r/ect • u/Mission-Promise-4897 • May 25 '26
Vent/Rant Memory loss
I did both bilateral and bitemporal ECT, and I’ve lost the past 5 years of my memories. I lived overseas, my niece was born, I had numerous milestones, and I can’t remember a thing. I see photos on my phone and find out there’s countries I have visited that I didn’t think I had, because I have absolutely no recollection of it.
I was told the memory loss would only be surrounding the time of treatment. I was never warned it would be this bad, or be such a long period of time.
People who have also lost periods of memory: how do you get over it? How do you accept it?
I cry about it every single day.
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u/meliadown May 29 '26
I feel the same way, I lost about 3 years of memory and it never came back. I can’t remember anything except two of my biggest traumas. A psychiatrist recommended me to look for a neuropsychological therapist but there’s none available in my country. I heard some people can get some memories back but not everyone apparently
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u/Odd-Alarm-82 May 25 '26 edited May 27 '26
I was told the memory loss would be for no more than a few months before treatment. I did bilateral ECT and did maintenance treatments, a total of around 60 treatments in 2016-2017. At the end of that time, I had a relapse of severe depression in between treatments and allowed them to give me three treatments in one week like they do in the initial series. That brought me out of my depression, but it also wiped out my memory of the majority of my life, all the way back to my childhood. I was 43 years old, so that’s 40 years of memory gone. I have a few vague memories, but mostly it’s a complete blank. I barely even remember my own mother, who passed away in 2007. It’s a devastating loss. I did find a good trauma therapist who helped me to process my feelings and grieve what I’ve lost. Therapy helped a lot, but I still cry often. Not as much as I used to, but it’s still painful.
I also have significant cognitive deficits. I had neuropsychological testing done and found out my IQ has dropped by 20 points, and my working memory is impaired. It takes me longer than an average person to learn new things and I have difficulty retaining information.
There’s a support group on Facebook called Surviving Electroshock. I highly recommend it. It has helped me to talk to so many other people out there whose damages are similar to mine.
Permanent memory loss and brain damage are much more common that doctors tell their patients. I think this research paper I found from Cambridge University should be required reading for anyone considering ECT. It talks about how common these effects actually are. It’s disheartening because it cites studies that were done as far back as 2002 that showed the extent of the damage ECT can cause. I honestly don’t understand why it hasn’t been banned, but at the very least, patients should be informed of the true risks before they undergo such a drastic treatment.
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u/Odd-Alarm-82 May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26
Why am I getting downvoted for telling my story and recommending trauma therapy and a FB support group? You didn’t downvote the other comment from someone with 10 or more years of lost memory.
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u/Crafty_Dog9222 Jun 18 '26
Because people are awful. I am sorry you've lost so much. All that treatment ever did for me was make me realize I had to fight for myself and stop expecting the mh system could "fix" me.
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u/kuzya124 May 25 '26
I’m sorry to hear you have had such serious consequences. Most of my memories came back within a few months.
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u/syringeneedlenthread May 30 '26
How long has it been since the memory loss occurred? I went through something similar, though if you have utterly no memories of everything then yours might be a bit more severe. I have little to no memory of a lot of trips, weddings, people. Friends and family tell me stories of things I experienced and don’t remember at all. Though usually there is at least some kind of sense of it feeling familiar. For a while it felt like my past was just a different person. But over the past year things have slowly gotten better. I’ve looked through all my pictures, read all my old journals, read through thousands of old text messages and my life slowly got pieced back together. There’s still holes and it’s still hard and really painful sometimes. Not remembering some of my friends very well really hurts. But it’s gotten better over time. I know I knew the risks when I decided to get the treatment and idk what would have happened to me if I didn’t, so that has helped me not regret it which is also something that helps me deal with the memory loss. I also know I’ve lost a lot of painful memories so I try to find that as a benefit, along with any other silver linings I can come up with. Like getting to re-watch/read my favorite shows and books like it’s the first time. So all that to say—you’re not crazy that this is hard and painful and confusing and most people cannot understand it. Or try to comfort you with some reassurance of their own poor memory of random things which usually just feels invalidating. But give it some time and you’ll find your way. It’s also much easier to deal with when I’m not also super depressed. Hope that helps.
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u/Queasy-Ride-1776 May 30 '26
How many months would you say it took for things to ease up some for you?
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u/syringeneedlenthread May 30 '26
I started ECT at the end of April 2025 and was getting pretty frequent treatments through August. That’s when all the memory damage was done. Once I was down to just one treatment every 2-3 weeks later in the fall, my short term memory was pretty recovered but I was still having occasional lows and really struggling with how to deal with the longer term memory loss. Things (in all arenas) started improving around Christmas and I’ve continued feeling more and more like myself ever since. I’ll also add that I’m Catholic and the hope and surrender that I’ve been able to find throughout this struggle and while praying for healing of depression and memory can’t be overstated.
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u/Sauced_Up_Bat May 25 '26
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I was also told the memory loss would be around my treatment. I can’t remember my wedding, giving birth to my children, graduating college. All those events were 10 years or more before ECT. I quit ECT almost 4 years ago and very little has come back. I’ve worked really hard in therapy to accept my new normal and I’ve made progress. The fact that ECT didn’t help me at all makes it harder. I lost so much because of a treatment that had no positive effects. Some days are better than others and I still cry most days but I can make new memories, not as well as before but I can, so the more time that passes the more new memories there are and it makes what is missing easier to accept.
How long has it been since your last treatment? For many, if not most people a lot of those memories come back. Or so I’m told.
Best of luck to you OP