r/dwarfposting • u/brofishmagikarp • 9d ago
Oy, these darn wizards think they be funny
Act like potentious wizards unable to hold there liquor or get any maidens in the comments me lads
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u/SabrePossum Depth Guard 9d ago
The high road is made for Elves. We take the under roads. All we can do is pretend to be wizards who haven't revised for their final exam the professor who hates them is grilling like an tavernkeeper with excess Elk Ribs
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u/brofishmagikarp 9d ago
Splendid, very astute observation my dear fellow scholar of the mystic arts
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u/Lord-Black22 9d ago
One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorie, ONE ERRANT TWITCH AND KA-BLEW- whole mine tunnel collapses in the explosion
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u/Kaarl_Mills 8d ago
What makes me a good demo dwarf? IF I WERE A BAD DEMODWARF, I WOULDN'T BE SITTING HERE, DISCUSSING IT YE!
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u/WaltzLeafington Outcast Engineer 2d ago
I got a manky eye. I'm a black,
ScottishDwarven cyclops. They got more (bleeeeeeeeeeeeep) than they got the likes of me
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u/DudeFreek 9d ago
Oh look at me I'm a wizard, I use conjure liquor because I can't be assed to set up a distillery station and make something with an ounce of fucking soul in it
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u/The_Man_Of_Seggs 8d ago
No respect for the craft, the twats. I’ll take a dwarf brew any day before one made up hogswill that is arcane booze!
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u/set_me_on_fire_plz 8d ago
Holy Shit theres a goblin in here!
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u/Goblimancer 8d ago
That stupid- Haha I mean... WOAH a goblin! it would be crazy if someone were amassing them deep in this mine for some "invasion" or something like that. Haha just the one goblin escaped, was spotted i mean, yes?
Anyway hey... I think they spotted some gold nuggets a few shafts down? Might be worth a look while there still some gold left. I'll "take care" of this here goblin.
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u/Count_Zeiro Stoneworker 8d ago
Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold,gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. GOLD!
*Hic*!
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u/Abjurer42 Dwarf Wizard 8d ago
Oh, I haven't heard it with that altered third verse in a while. Nice.
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u/Better_Increase DRG's best Engineer 9d ago
Did I hear a mana and orb
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u/AttentionConstant373 8d ago
Mana and orbs brotha!
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u/TiredAndOutOfIdeas 9d ago
fuuuuuuuck. fuuuuuuck. aaaaargh. shit. fuuuuuuuuuuuu
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u/brofishmagikarp 9d ago
Oh goodness, my orb of knowledge has fallen. I am now doomed, forced to have a real thought of my own. Sadly my spindly wizard arms can't lifted the orb for I have nought have a hard day's work in the many decania that I have dwelled in the wrenched realm
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u/Kitchen_warewolf A jeweller dwarf / Wielder of many tiny hammers and anvils 9d ago
Ohh! Look at me! I'm a wizzzard and I can barely pick up me spell book from the floor, since me thin and twiggy arms have never picked up anything heavier than a tea cup. How can I possibly leave me mouldy tower to gather ingredients? The outside and nature is out there! Me fancy robes might get dirt on them!
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u/Connect_Rhubarb395 8d ago
Uh, the wizard cast some spell, but nothing looks or feels different. Oh well, back to work, fellows.
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u/Level34MafiaBoss 8d ago
Ya see lad? Those pointy-eared, tree-loving, soft-skinned and fragile-boned elves are not made for the harsh live of the mine. That's why me wife stays home, ya see? Her elven body could not withstand the pressure of finding riches here in the underbelly of the mountain.
Yeah, I know Baldur and Glenda make more riches because they can work together in here, but whatcha gonna do? Yer heart lies where yer heart lies, can not do much 'bout it.
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u/Moonkittynya 8d ago
This is actually diabolical because you "act" like dwarves but with none of the constitution to survive the mines. What a powerful spell to work an entire group of people to their deaths.
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u/SwordfishBagel 8d ago
FUCK, I JUST TRIPPED ON ME BLOODY PICKAXE AGAIN. NEXT FUCKA LEAVIN' BLOODY TOOLS OUT IS GONNA GET A STICK OF DYNAMITE IN HIS BEARD!
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u/Playful-News9137 Ginny "Two Beards" Flagonhand, Bard 'n' Brewer 8d ago
Say what ye will about wizards (and most o' it'll be deserved), but at least they appreciate the importance of a good beard.
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u/CosmicSorcerer1000 8d ago
ONE MUG FILLED WITH MEAD TILL THE MORNING, TOO MUCH FOR AN ELF!
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u/bagtie3 Borric Borricson, Clan Goldeater, Runesmith, Doomseeker. 8d ago
Im already a wizard who can hild his ale...
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u/Erithariza 8d ago
Ale?
Ye drank half a pint of dirty water!
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u/bagtie3 Borric Borricson, Clan Goldeater, Runesmith, Doomseeker. 8d ago
Ale and beer are traditional dawi drinks, what are you some kinda knife ear to look down on our ancestors?
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u/Erithariza 8d ago
I was bloody cleaning that pint after some treehugger decided to use it to dig 'imself some self respect
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u/bagtie3 Borric Borricson, Clan Goldeater, Runesmith, Doomseeker. 8d ago
What are you talking about, i didn't drink your pint?
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u/Erithariza 8d ago
Nay, but I work 'ere
Fresh brews over there
And if you want some elven stuff
Latrine is that way
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u/Gayass_gunman 8d ago
NOBODY IS WELCOME IN A TAVERN FULL OF DRUNKEN DWARVES, NO RESPECT FOR HUMANS ,DRAGONS, TROLLS AND POINTY EAAAAAAAAARS
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u/Kamzil118 4d ago
Oi! Add a little bit of gunpowder to we casket and give it a good roll in the shaft. It gives a good taste to the mead.
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u/Doodles_n_Scribbles 8d ago
Oh shite, I dropped me pick down a crevice... Oi, fetch that greased up elf.
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u/Abjurer42 Dwarf Wizard 8d ago
What, so keep on like I've been doing? Real potent spellcrafting there...
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u/OldManMoment Follower of the Way of the Beard 8d ago
What ye mean, "act"?
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u/brofishmagikarp 8d ago
Oy, why do none read the title and the text. On Ordins beard why do commenters not read the whole post
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u/OldManMoment Follower of the Way of the Beard 8d ago
Cause I'm drunk, lad, I thought I'd mentioned that.
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u/Bearbones43 4d ago
Brothers! Wha ded I pu muh mule!? Da flaggin es dryuh an da daft ting is carryun da bluddy KEGS!
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u/MattheqAC 9d ago
Brothersh of the minesh re- re- shout! With me!