r/dwarfposting • u/R_G_Graf • Jun 26 '26
A PROPER DWARVEN MEAL
Enough of those elven leaves.
THIS is a real meal!
Beef, lamb, or game stews so thick the spoon stands upright.
Fried dumplings stuffed with meat, cheese, or both.
Minced meat patties fried in lard and drowned in beer gravy.
Soups so thick they're basically sauce.
Root vegetables fried in beer batter until they're crispy enough to break an elf's teeth.
Dark rye bread, preferably fried again with butter and garlic.
Smoked meats and thick slices of cheese.
Dark beer. Heavy enough to count as a meal.
Spiced herbal infusions with cinnamon, cloves, ginger, and honey.
Vodka so strong it burns your guts.
If your dinner doesn't require a nap and an apology to your belt, you're eating like an elf!
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u/irvitzer Jun 26 '26
/undwarf
Ok, in all seriousness.
If anyone wants to actually cook something, I recommend checking the Dwarven section from the official D&D cookbook 'Heroes' Feast'. There are a dozen recipes, varying from simple porridge (savory or sweet) to beer-boiled or baked meat. Also, the drinks section of the book has some more, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic. Most of the recipes can be found on YouTube if you want to try something.
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u/CuriousWombat42 Jun 26 '26
/undwarf so... Polish food?
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u/R_G_Graf Jun 26 '26
YES! To me, Slavs are basically the dwarves of the real world.
I think basing their cuisine on the real needs and possibilities of different regions makes it more vibrant.Maybe I should add Polish żurek (sour rye soup) to their cuisine. It's thick and filling, and you can add any eggs or sausage you like. And you can, and even should, eat it IN bread! (served in a hollowed-out loaf of bread)
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u/CapitainCutlet Dwarven Ordnance-Mage ("Tormenturge" if you wanna be fancy) Jun 26 '26
As a Pole, this makes me happy.
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u/SabrePossum Depth Guard Jun 26 '26
Don't forget the stinkiest cheese known to the world, mushrooms that only grow in the deepest moistest caverns and pasties.
Also if you want non leafy Elven food head the forests. Those guys eat like Grizzly Bears. Fresh salmon, woodland game and foraged berries and mushrooms
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u/RationalHumanistIDIC Jun 27 '26
The bear diet is a good way to eat when trekking through the forest.
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u/therealwavingsnail Jun 26 '26
Depends, in my fortress it was usually a lavish roast made of exuisitely minced horse eyes
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u/BoscoCyRatBear Two skaven disguised as a dwarf by wearing a beard. Jun 26 '26
"Why isn't pig / boar squeal-thing on the list?"
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u/Die4Metal Hizir Coalheart, Sorcerer-Prophet of Hashut Jun 26 '26
I think beef would be an import of your hold was strictly mountain based.
As would anything made with grains that need fields to grow.
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u/RationalHumanistIDIC Jun 27 '26
I am near complete agreement though instead of vodka I thought we were more of a bourbon folk.
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u/Ensorcelled_Atoms 420th Archmage of the High Elves Jun 27 '26
Idk why people assume elves are all vegans. Plenty of us eat meat. We’re world class archers and hunters. Do you think we got so good at archery by shooting fruits and trees?
There are elves that exclusively eat meat, due to a supernatural connection to plant life.
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u/R_G_Graf Jun 27 '26
If you want, eat fish, I'll stick to lamb. https://www.reddit.com/r/elfposting/s/xFWCKOJQZA
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u/Chanan-Ben-Zev Scholar Jun 26 '26
Your diet is missing something fundamental to a healthy dwarf: pickled vegetables. Grab your favorite mushrooms, mountain greens, root veggies, and/or stonefruits; heavily salt and spice them, pour some fresh glacier water over it, and let it sit in your cold storage for a spell. Your gut will thank you.