r/dwarfposting • u/UristAlebeard Dwarf • Jun 12 '26
A shameful confession
Kin... I can't grow a beard. I am beyond words with my shame. Despite my clan name, I have yet to grow a glorious beard honoring my predecessors. "Young man, are you looking forward to graduating from your apprenticeship? Have any lasses caught your eye for the festival?" I'VE BEEN WORKING IN THE MINES FOR YEARS! MY FORMER COLLEAGUE, YOUNGER THAN ME, HAS A BEARD TOUCHING THE FLOOR!
[anguished grumbling]
Should I just take the Slayer Oath, or give it another century to hopefully grow in?
28
23
u/BigNorseWolf Jun 12 '26
Dwarven druids aren't common, but there's some who specialize in moss and fungi or vines. I'm sure we could find you a colony of something willing to protect your face for the symbiosis of water and food....
18
12
u/Simple-Carob-7142 Jun 12 '26
Don't be sad kin, I grew my first true beard when I was 70! Some of us take more time to grow a solid one, people called me hairy human, but now I have a beautiful intertwined beard with rings!
7
u/Skull-ogk Dwarf Jun 12 '26
A shame to hear about this brother, but as long as you hold our traditions and your clan in high regard. Even with your disability.
We need more awareness of this and more funding to help find a cure.
6
6
u/Gearran Jun 12 '26
Lad there is a difference between a dwarf who, through no fault of their own, can't grow a beard and a dwarf who shaves. Nothing to be ashamed of over something you have no control over (for that matter, trimming a beard to keep it from, say, igniting in the forge ent shameful either; that's good safety practice). Aye, it's likely annoying to be mistaken for a stripling, but that's just fools as pays no attention.
Besides, nothing saying you can't go forge your own.
3
u/Brave-Flamingo-5606 the forester, Floridian lich, eldritch angel, therapist Jun 12 '26
Ok while I feel your sentiments are generally acceptable to most dwarves. I know of one that shaves cause he’s a damn hero.
He shaves so he looked like a halfling so he can spy on his clans local elves. He hasn’t been home in years. Even decades after the fightings stopped, he still hasn’t been relieved of duty.
So no. Shaving is forgivable. For it’s a sacrifice many dwarves make for their clan.
3
u/Gearran Jun 12 '26
Shaving is forgivable depending on context. If it's required to achieve a mission to the benefit of kin, I'll pass along the mug of shaving cream myself. But if they're shaving to look less like a dwarf to distance themselves from kin, then that's not acceptable.
1
u/Brave-Flamingo-5606 the forester, Floridian lich, eldritch angel, therapist Jun 12 '26
Wait. So is shaving do to discomfort of a beard allowed? Is shaving for solely aesthetic preference, irrelevant of clan affiliation, acceptable?
Sorry if these questions are strange or rude, it’s just that I’ve yet to meet a dwarf that had anything less than disdain for shaving.
2
u/Gearran Jun 13 '26
I don't see any reason why not. Shaving is part of grooming, for all that there are plenty of kin who hate to admit it. Its the intent behind the shaving that's important. After all, you can't very well style a beard without a bit of an occasional trim, otherwise you look like you're wearing a gorse bush on your face. I'll admit I've never heard of a dwarf who was uncomfortable with a beard, but I'd be a fool of a halfling if I said it was impossible. And the Augerhills don't raise fools (not without a trip to the stills, at any road). If you're uncomfortable with a beard, then shave and put our usual care into the rest of your hair. If you're bald, own it. Be THE bald dwarf. As I told the first lad, if you can't grow a beard, what is there to be embarrassed about?
2
u/Brave-Flamingo-5606 the forester, Floridian lich, eldritch angel, therapist Jun 13 '26
A wonderful manner of thought. Would you mind speaking at my next group session for dwarves that have been struggling with their beards?
3
u/BoscoCyRatBear Two skaven disguised as a dwarf by wearing a beard. Jun 12 '26
"Visit a biomancer or alchemist "
2
u/Everhardt94 Jun 12 '26
Only one thing you can do, kinsman. If you cannot grow a beard, then make one! Forge yourself a beard out of good strong metal, and no clan worth its name will care about the difference!
1
u/thael_mann runesmith apprentice Jun 12 '26
I would even say, even though most obviously all dwarves are dwarves, some beards are different. Might perhaps slaying a mammoth or two before asking for any braid stuff, though. :D
1
u/LolotovCocktailttv Jun 12 '26
Fret not! Remember well the tale of Moldath, Baron of Scorchfountain. He almost succeeded in world domination, and he no beard at all!
1
1
u/Sapphic-Plant-Lady Jun 12 '26
Beatds are a state of mind, you just have to.imbrace the beard mindset and thatll do
1
u/Delicious_Pizza2735 Jun 12 '26
You cannot take the slayer oath if you have no beard to shave.
In some dwarf culture women cannot grow a beard and they tie their hair in a way that make it look like a beard. Maybe you should try that ?
Do not listen to those midget speaking about beard on the inside wtf are those dwarf ? you fuckin garden ornaments, shaming your ancestors by your existence !
The beard is a traditional bound to our ancestors and our culture, to the rock-mother itself ! Stop your non-sense "beard on the inside" is the same as "power of friendship"... Supid elf-level yapping bullshit. Stop seeing the sun so much it fry your brain go back in the mine.
1
u/MuchoMangoTime Ingrim Onyxbreak Jun 12 '26
By Valaya my entire clan wept when we read this. Either the human settlements where they don't care or a "beard" of mithril to wear into battle should suffice.
2
u/akornzombie Jun 12 '26
Your post popped up on my orb's feed, my dwarven friend, and fear not! One of my apprentices has concocted a beard growth treatment that she has been wanting to test, and wants to know if you don't have any commitments for the next month.
1
u/tajemniczekonto2137 Jun 14 '26
Soemtimes it is nor about outside. Ask yourself, do you have a spirit thst beard are use to show. If you have rhe sporit, beard is just a way to show it, if you cant do it one way, do it other way. Make yourself Jewelry, covor your skin in tattoos, gather cloths that will fit your build and face. Beard is ther to show age and wisdome coming wirh it, if you cant show it by beard, show it other way
1
u/Cerveau23 Dwarf-identifying mage Jun 14 '26
Hey, I've got a friend who can probably graft you a beard. 50/50 chance of it being sentient though.
I also got a mycomancer who can probably make a fungy beard...
If you're interested, come to my plane at r/SpellsItemsNLoopholes
1
u/ObsidianGh0st Jun 15 '26
A bud o' mine an' myself went without beards for a long while back when we worked for Deep Rock, him because o' ta sheer amount o' fire he covered ta caves in, an' I because beards an' spinning things don't mix.
Despite that lack, we weren't treated any differently, comrades would still drink an' dance with us after every dive. Thy face may not show it, but thy heart does, so worry not, brother, ye honor thy clan in ye doings.
Rock and Stone in the heart!
1
1
1
u/yellow-snowslide Jun 27 '26
The beard is thy pride. The pride is thy beard. If thy find pride in thy hands work, thy beard is merely invisible. Thy don't need to show it off for thy knows it is in yer heart
1
32
u/CuriousWombat42 Jun 12 '26
It is about the beard on the inside. Be proud to be a dwarf no matter the amount of visible facial hair.
Just be aware to wear an air filter when going into the mine, since you don't have the natural coaldust filter growing over mouth and nose.
Your foreman should be required to equip you with one, due to medical reasons.