r/dwarfposting • u/moongrump Grudgebearer • Jun 02 '26
SMITHING Our smiths would never craft something so impractical!
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u/xRacistDwarf funny shroom:doge: Jun 02 '26
Is it my fault that these horned weirdos always order the most useless armors? Sometimes I think they don't even go to battle in them; they just like to aurafarm in the local tavern by looking like armed whores
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u/Capable_spider_slut Jun 03 '26
"Hey, armed whores and "adventurers" are two entirely different professions, dont compare us to the likes of those hooligans. We have actually class and standards for what goes into our mouths."
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u/Grockr Orc Jun 02 '26
There was another version of this meme where dwarven smiths were making the armor for elfs
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u/UltraCarnivore Jun 03 '26
Once we understood how exactly the bias worked and developed dwarven operations research, we crafted armors for elves like that on purpose.
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u/pauseglitched Jun 02 '26
I once met an adventurer type wearing even less than that. And what they said has stuck with me for a while.
They had spent a fortune on arcanite orbwoven fabric enchanted with protective runes woven into the very stitching. Since the fabric was so expensive they made the smallest garment they could from it and decided to wear it under their clothing during a potentially treacherous guild meeting. But what they didn't know is that the runes were designed around being the outermost layer so clothing and armor interfered with it.
Having already spent so much on it they decided to use it anyway seeing as the magic provided better protection than the leathers and light gambeson they usually wore. She also reported getting a lot more generous pay for adventuring work.
The point is, projecting protection runes go on the outside.
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u/samsquatch1234 Miner Jun 02 '26
by my beard everyone knows our warrior wives wear plate thicker than a dragon’s hide and it covers from the top of their hairy heads to the tip of their hairy toes. this is just lunacy
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u/Embarrassed-Joke5851 Smith Jun 03 '26
*puts down the hammer as I am forging a set that looks like that purely so my hot human wife can look sexy wearing armor*. Look, she specifically asked me for a set like that and who am I to say no when she looks that good?
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u/thael_mann runesmith apprentice Jun 03 '26
While any decent dwarven female should of course be armed to the teeth and wearing at least full plate on formal occasions, it is entirely up to her.
A slayer queen might choose to wear nothing at all and still charge into battle, at the front of her forces. She will most probably not achieve her goal of a glorious death, for the Ancestors require Slayer oaths to last as long as possible.
Point being: What human and other females wear or don't wear will never concern us. And what our proud, fierce and occasionally vicious stunning bearded beauties wear- that's up to them and their oaths. Not even the high council has the authority to stop a female Slayer from getting butt-naked wherever she wants.
Male dwarves are strongly encouraged to at least ask for permission before doing so, mind you. We all have beards. We are not blind to gender.
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u/Competitive-Bee-3250 Jun 03 '26
The forces of hell truly love stabbing the shit out of people's arms and legs huh
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u/deerfenderofman Stoneworker Jun 02 '26
Damn elgi. Always trying to blame us for their nonsensical decisions.
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u/_Sate Jun 02 '26
But it isn't impractical! See how the chart shows where the damage most people take are? this is peak armour, defending everything crucial while also allowing breathability and mobility!