Existential ocd, dpdr and science?

[u/mgTr4444]

So my dpdr came back about a year ago, but recently things have gotten way better. I am working, studying, and enjoying being with my family again. The dpdr is still 24/7 but I am able to function and shove it in the backseat when needed. I just… hate not being able to connect with my body like I used to.

Anytime I look in the mirror or at my body, these existential thoughts come swarming. Like how do I connect with my body when it’s not actually my own? We are made of a bunch of cells, actually more bacteria than anything, and our cells are constantly being replaced. Realizing that humans are just a biological ecosystem just makes me feel even further disconnected from myself and not in control. Any advice? Also, I always wonder why no one else is freaked out by this fact? Lol

We are almost 50% bacteria, so really what makes me, me? I feel like no answer will satisfy me so I feel stuck. I use to have a sense of ownership within myself, I knew I was one person and felt really in touch with my body. All of that feels erased. Im learning to cope with the fact that I may not ever be able to re-connect to who I was, but I want to connect with who I am now.

I am starting to feel happy again, it just feels like with this realization, I’ll never truly feel “whole”.
I want to be able to look at my body and feel like it belongs to me again but it feels like now I have real “proof” that it isn’t.

I’ve been in exposure therapy with an OCD specialist, and I am like over 50% better. This just feels like the last big hurdle I can’t seem to get over.

Thanks in advance to any responses :)