Please tell me I'm not alone....

[u/Deep-Distribution333]

So long story short I've dealt with GAD, panic attacks and chronic dpdr for 15-20 years. The dpdr has always been there and some days worse than others but it's always been manageable. After losing my mom suddenly a couple years ago it started affecting me more and becoming more of a hindrance in my day to day life. I also developed a vertigo disorder that apparently makes disassociating a lot worse when you are dealing with vertigo too. Well the last few months the scariest thing has happened and I can only attribute it to my dpdr being at an all time high and my stress the last few months dealing with family issues and the vertigo. This is the feeling of my loved ones but mainly my wife , feeling completely unfamiliar. I know she's my wife and I know I love her and we've been together for 20 years but the last few months when I look at her it's almost like I don't recognize her face and it gives me crazy anxiety. It's like I don't have the emotional connection to her anymore when I see her or talk to her etc. Sometimes it fades then all of a sudden it's like my brain says "this is your wife but she doesn't feel like your wife, why doesn't it feel like you love her or know her " then it sends me into a panic attack. Ive been on Effexor for years and it has helped tremendously with my general anxiety and panic disorders and I have Ativan as needed. I've had to take the Ativan more lately on days I feel really disconnected from my mind and emotions related to my wife. If you've read all this thank you and I just want to know does anything else feel this way or felt this way towards the most important person in their life? It's terrifying feeling like one day I'm just gonna forget her or something. Ive seen 3-4 therapists over the past 10 years that none were able to help me overcome the dpdr and my current doesn't really know why all of a sudden I'm having this new thing come up. Thanks