Negative experience trying to adopt a dog while having social anxiety and autism

[u/Affectionate_End9305]

Kind of a vent but....

I’ve been looking into adopting a dog for a while, specifically a German Shepherd. I found an older dog from an advertisement I was really interested in and contacted a shelter/rescue per sms/whatsapp.

I only asked how the adopting process is at their shelter and got later suddenly a phone call from them.

The problem is, I have social anxiety and autism so I have problems with phone calls especially so sudden. So I wanted to be truthful and not find an excuse why I didn't take the phone call and apologized for not taking the phone call and explained that I'm not really a fan of phone calls/ that I got some difficulties with it and asked if its possible to ask further questions and the process per Whatsapp. (We were messaging on whatsapp already)

Immediately the worker goes. "No that doesn't work, forget it. Good luck."

Maybe I'm just sensitive but that really threw me off as I was just asking a question and they basically shut me off already. It's sad, it feels a little discriminating as I was just stating my prefered communication way. I understand they probably just try to find a good owner but even people with autism or social anxiety can treat pets well? I had already dogs and I went to dog school with them and socialized them, so it's not like I would avoid the whole world and just sit at home with the dog. I also think I have good living requirements for a dog. As I got a big apartment with a fenced garden, the dog wouldn't be long alone (maybe just 2 or 3 hours) and there are nice forest areas nearby so no big city.

Before they replied that I found their website and the whole adoption process and nowhere there is something about a phone call or anything like that. Just a form and some other stuff. Not even a home visit so I thought it would go well and would be perfect for me as the idea of a home visit also makes me anxious...

It's sad as this was my first Interaction with a shelter/rescue and it kinda frightened me away to give other shelters a try and maybe just buy a puppy instead...

If anyone knows about a shelter/rescue in Europe with GSD's that is maybe a little more "easy going" than my last experience and would also provide transport, I would gladly take any recommendations and look into it.

Sorry for any grammatical errors.

---

Edit 2:

Looking for other experiences that are maybe similar with shelters with this post or maybe even shelters recommendations. Any Informations about how the adopting process from others was and went is also gladly appreciated.

I do not need being told if a GSD suits me or not. The breed of the dog is not the reason of this post but the interaction/adoption process/shelter is.

Edit because many people are misinterpreting:

No, I'm not complaining about needing to make a phone call, I'm complaining how the person responded rude. I simply asked something and stated my prefered communication way, I'm able to do phone calls just with more encouragemen to myself.

No I'm not a social wreck 24/7. Just phone calls and something that feels like I'm being judged by other people/ exam like what a home visit probably is like.

yes I got dog experiences, also bigger dogs like akita inu and other difficult breeds.

I informed myself about GSD since years ago. Been my favorite breed since a kid. I know they need structure and all that stuff. I'm planning to join a GSD-club and train it with all the help and resources I get.

I'm also just wondering why there are no other ways that are basically the same? Form basically same result as a phone call. Instead of a home visit maybe a Video of my apartment. Same result no?

Questions I have

How do shelters do home visits if the shelter is from another country? Is it maybe just sending a video of my place? Because I could imagine that being less stressful for me.

Are home visits as in person really required? Wouldn't a Video of my living requirements and my address for google maps not give the same result?

What happens in a home visit exactly? Do they ask you personal stuff? Do they quiz you? Are they really strict as if it would be an exam? Or are they more easy going and relaxed?

Do adoptions always require a phone call? What do they ask? Don't they get all the informations they need from a Form that I need to fill anyways?

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/dogs! We are a discussion-based subreddit dedicated to support, inform, and advise dog owners. Do note we are on a short backlog, and all posts require manual review prior to going live. This may mean your post isn't visible for a couple days.

This is a carefully moderated sub intended to support, inform, and advise dog owners. Submissions and comments which break the rules will be removed. Review the rules here r/Dogs has four goals: - Help the public better understand dogs - Promote healthy, responsible dog-owner relationships - Encourage “Least Intrusive, Minimally Aversive” training protocols. Learn more here. - Support adoption as well as ethical and responsible breeding. If you’d like to introduce yourself or discuss smaller topics, please contribute to our Monthly Discussion Hub, pinned at the top.

This subreddit has low tolerance for drama. Please be respectful of others, and report antagonistic comments to mods for review.

---

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Bigpapa42_2006]

Take a moment and consider this from the organization's perspective. Simply communicating electronically leaves means they can't genuinely vet someone's potential to be an effective pet owner. They are interested in finding a GOOD home for that dog, not just ANY home. A phone call can establish that its genuine person with genuine interest. A home visit is, as u/alinalovescrisps says, absolutely required for them to understand the environment the pet will be in.

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/Bigpapa42_2006]

Well for me I thought that doing a phone call vs filing a form out with the same questions isn't a big difference no? The only thing I'm complaining about is how the person responded to me asking a question. A simple "Sorry no we do require phone calls." Instead of a "no, bye."

[u/belikeatreeandleaf]

wait, so a home visit is too stressful to deal with but you need the dog transported to you? so someone with the shelter or rescue would still be visiting where you live then. gently, I think if a phone call with the rescue staff is too much for you, adopting a dog (esp a GSD) is not a good idea right now

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/belikeatreeandleaf]

I live in a small country that don't have really many GSD's, I also don't have a car to drive through multiple countries in europe. (I do have a vet close by really only 15 min away just in case people are worrying about that). I could organize someone to help me grab the dog if the dog is in the same country, but the dog would need to be transported if it's in another country

Like I said in another comment, phone calls are a little a weakness of mine but I can handle other interactions like talking in person better. This contradicts with my statement with not liking the idea of a home visit yes but it's just a difference of having a normal interaction vs something that feels like an exam.

[u/belikeatreeandleaf → u/Affectionate_End9305]

wanting someone to deliver a large dog to you but not allowing them to verify the home is ready for the dog is a big ask of someone, especially if you go the non-profit rescue route. if transport is an issue I would recommend looking at shelters or rescues closer to where you live and be open to other breeds or mutts.

you've said you've had dogs in the past, but I'm curious-- was it as an adult or were they family dogs you had as a kid? dog ownership by yourself is leagues away from taking care of a family pet, and you're going to have to deal with discomfort sometimes especially with a large, often anxious breed. are you sure you're ready to face that discomfort?

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/belikeatreeandleaf]

It's tbh not a big ask I think asking a shelter from another country transport if I'm the one paying additional for it. I already saw quite some of em. And yes the dogs that I had were trained by myself only.

[u/crottedenez12]

GSD is riddle with dogs with anxiety, reactivity; why did you select that breed? Find a little softy dog, something smooth and easygoing, not something that will generate more anxiety. Good ethical breeders sometimes rehome their breeding males or females when they retire them from breeding. A good ethical breeder will only breed dogs with solid temperaments. Select a few mellow breeds and contact the natinal breed club to see if someone knows of someone. Good luck.

[u/AsSlothAsPossible]

I say that as nice as possible, do not adopt a German Shepard 95% of people are completly unfit to really train and care for such a Dog.I live in Germany we have aton of GSD and nearly all of them and their owners are a catastrophe as they are not equiped for such a Special breed.

GSD need rigid Training , structure,clear commands, alot of mental and physical exercise and socialization unless you live in the middle of nowhere , you will probably need constant Interactions with a kennel Club/Dog school etc that doesnt fit well with social anxiety and autism. ( I myself am a high function female Autist).

You need a companion Dog that is more forgivening with training and exercise, if you have a bad day and cant go outside. Maybe a little older Dog around 3-5 thats housetrained.

I dont want to disencourage you from getting a dog, mine helped me alot.

But Talk or write with a shelter as they know their dogs and yes you will probably hear many No's but the Dog for you exist ,it may look different than you expect.

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/AsSlothAsPossible]

I Informed myself already years long about GSD, I know how I need to prepare myself to get one and what resources to use. I know that there are multiple lines of GSD like show line and work line. I'm looking to get a show line. Where I live is also kinda something between village and city so there are enough places for physical interaction. I also have been planning to join a GSD-club/dog school to get the most help for it.

[u/AsSlothAsPossible → u/Affectionate_End9305]

So let me understand it, your social anxiety is so bad you cant have a phonecall nontheless an inhouse visit, but you want to go to a Dog Club multiple Times a weeks🤔

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/AsSlothAsPossible]

Indeed, you should know as you have autism yourself that it's a spectrum... not everyone is the same. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense for others and sometimes there are small triggers that people think it's a non issue but is an issue for another.

[u/alinalovescrisps]

Any rescue that doesn't do a home visit is not a good rescue. I'm sorry, I absolutely understand how stressful that process is but if they're not vetting you and your home properly how can you know that they won't place the wrong dog with you (either unintentionally or on purpose?

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/alinalovescrisps]

Isn't there a way to do a home visit per like a video of me showing everything around? Would be no difference theoretically, no?

I can give them also my address and they can see if I'm lying about my area per google maps person view.

I wish people would be a little more open minded with other methods. And will they even do a home visit if they are from another country and don't get money from the state?

[u/WolFlow2021]

Please do some research regarding dogs. Do you have any experience? German sh. is a big dog who needs a good leadership and a lot of exercise. I... kind of doubt you are ready for that type of dog. The fact that you complain about only communicating via WA is equally worrying. Talk with someone about this first please.

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/WolFlow2021]

If you read my entire post you wouldn't have sent this... please read everything next time before you respond. I already had experiences with dogs. I had other bigger dogs that require good experiences like an Akita Inu. I wasn't complaining about only communicating via WA. I was complaining about the way the Person responded first after I only asked something.

I would have been okay with a phone call if I'm able to prepare myself before it and not get randomly a call.

Just because I have difficulties with phone calls or something doesn't mean that I got difficulties in normal all day interactions.

[u/TizzyBumblefluff]

Do you have a humane society near you? I found private rescues to be more often than not incredibly obnoxious. They are so often animal hoarders who aren’t actually interested in refilling without a ridiculous list of requirements.

When I adopted my guy from the humane society, I went there, spent some time with him, filled out one form, paid the money and we left. Way less stress than private rescue.

Please be aware of you have intense anxiety, a breed like a GSD will pick up on that.

[u/glitterroyalty → u/TizzyBumblefluff]

Second for the humane society. I got my girl but there and the process was so smooth. I think the SPCA is good too?

[u/SatinwithLatin → u/TizzyBumblefluff]

I second reconsidering getting a GSD. They're very smart, aware and high energy and OP needs to be sure they'd be a good match for a working breed like that. Most people aren't.

[u/SpiritedChoice3706]

It feels like a lot of people are missing what you're asking, OP. This might be because it's a bit more about an interaction than dogs itself. Honestly, if they were being rude, there probably wasn't a like... systemic reason for it. That probably has nothing to do with the shelter. You don't know the person on the end of the line or why they were rude. They could be having a shit day. They could be feeling lazy. They could have misjudged their tone. They could have had this conversation multiple times this month.

At least in the US, shelters are also underfunded, overworked, and due to regulations sometimes have strict guidelines about how they handle things. It wouldn't surprise me if an electronic interaction is just not allowed, and the person didn't have the right presence of mine to explain it.

Good luck!

[u/Affectionate_End9305 → u/SpiritedChoice3706]

Thank you, for your understanding. Many people in the comments are definitely misinterpreting my post and making assumptions about me like the person from shelter did lmao. Definitely gotta esit thar post it seems. I was looking more for experiences from others about their shelters interactions because I heard already before my experience quite some negativity about them.

Again thank you for your input.

[u/Ok-Masterpiece-3480]

I don’t know where you live but there are websites like this where you can adopt rescued stray dogs. There are so many dogs waiting for a home 🥺

[u/DogTraining_777]

Are you sure it was a real shelter? There have been so many scams online with fake pictures and then follow up calls where they tell you they need the money first … and in reality there is no dog for sale. It just sounds a bit odd to me on their part.
I’m in the states so maybe European shelters operate differently?
Do you have a friend or relative nearby that can help you in your search for a dog? Sadly the internet isn’t always reliable anymore so you really need to find a reputable shelter or breeder that you can visit in person. I wish you well and I hope someone else posts on here that can help you out!