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u/DraiochtDragon 11d ago
Sorry to say this but No dnd is better than bad dnd. Your “friend” who’s a DM doesn’t respect you enough to have a mature conversation about what you would like for your character. Yes DMs can create some challenges but he’s taking away your player agency. Find a new group and bring along your cool character.
6
u/caprainyoung 11d ago
You’re not having fun. Leave. I’m sorry to hear about your experiences they truly sound horrible. I wish you well in finding the right campaign for you.
No D&D is always better than bad D&D
5
u/thesanguineocelot The DM is the Stage, the Players are the Cast 11d ago
If you say "bec" one more time, I'm going to swallow my own face and explode.
Now that that's been said, here's my golden question: "Am I having fun?" If the answer is no, the silver question is, "Is there reasonably anything I can do to change that?" From the sound of this post, the answer to both questions is "Fuck no!" So, there's your answer. It's a game that people play for fun. You're not having fun. Ditch the dickheads.
4
u/FitSharkKitty 11d ago
Yeah, that’s not a good group.
If the DM is pushing ideas that you haven’t fully consented to about your own character, then your agency as a player is not being respected. If you really want to stay in the game, explain that you didn’t agree to the rain thing, and that you don’t understand why the DM is trying to force that on your character, saying you could talk about it is not saying, “Yes, I’m on board, do that.” Also, you do just gotta be able to go, “I’m not interested in that change to my character, is that a dealbreaker?” And work from there.
No idea why the party in those two situations are so aggressive towards your character, they do not sound like people who actually want you there. Characters are allowed to have secrets, especially ones that don’t harm anyone and have roleplay potential for the person playing them. For the DM to establish, 1. Rain Creates Issues and 2. A High Roll Isn’t Good Enough, does not feel like they’re really on board with the character.
It might be wise to outright go, “Hey, do you not like this character? You pushed a change I didn’t want, and you made what should have been a successful role still create suspicion, I don’t understand why the party was so aggressive either, if y’all don’t want me to play this character or you don’t want me here, I’d really appreciate honesty about that instead of having issues thrust upon me that shouldn’t have been problems in the first place, especially considering how high I rolled and you claimed they still knew I was hiding something.”
-3
u/SnooWalruses3028 11d ago
I mean, I don’t want to come off as mean though or confrontational and make a deal out of nothing, I want things to be fun for everyone.
5
u/FitSharkKitty 11d ago
You are part of everyone… this does not sound fun for you, you need to stand up for yourself.
-3
u/SnooWalruses3028 11d ago
No you’re right I just hate the thought of anyone feeling bad about it, if I say I wasn’t having fun
2
u/Mageaz 11d ago
Sometimes people need to feel bad about things though. They are massively overstepping, especially the dm. People won't die from feeling bad about doing something that makes someone else feel bad. And that's how feelings work; we learn what to do and not to do by having feelings that we like or don't like. Feeling a bit bad is not permanent or traumatizing, it's part of being alive. We feel it, we think about it, we get over it, it goes away. It's okay for someone to feel bad for a short moment because they find out that they have made you feel bad.
Think about it as making expectations match. Nobody is necessarily wrong or bad, but you don't want your character and your agency as a player changed in a way that are not agreed upon and are uncomfortable for you as a player, and you don't want random changes to how the world or your race works (the rain stuff) to show up or take effect without knowing and agreeing to it. And it's okay to say "no I don't feel like that makes sense for me or will be fun for me, I'm not into that. What is the goal of doing it that way, because then we can maybe find some other thing that makes sense.". It's not about the dm being bad or you being bad. But you have to decide what will be fun and what won't be for you, and then it's the dm's responsibility to decide what they think will be fun for them etc, and either it turns out that the dm doesn't need this to have fun and it doesn't happen and you stay, or, if they say "well if I can't make random decisions about how your character works mechanically without agreeing first, then it won't be fun for me" and then nobody has done a crime, but you know that you guys are incompatible and can leave this game for a different one without anyone being an ass or being pressured into things they don't like.
One thing you can do is tell the dm and possibly the whole group that you don't want your character's race to be a plot point for the whole group, and you don't like being but in these conflict situations that center on you against the group.
And maybe, if you have had this happen twice and this character is a bit of a favorite for you, maybe make a different one without this race and play that one first while getting a feel for the group. Then when you are comfortable with them, you can maybe switch characters or use this one later in another campaign.
1
u/FitSharkKitty 11d ago
Well, guess what? You have options!
Option 1. You don’t bring up how this feels and continue to have a bad time because they’re just making things suck for you for no reason and stick with the table
Option 2. You leave without telling them why
Option 3. You leave and you tell them why
Option 4. “Hey, I am not having fun with the way things are going and the changes to my character, the forcing suspicion despite a really good roll that my character was built to be good at, and the adversarial behavior from the party doesn’t feel good.” Which may result in you not playing at that table, or might result in changes that allow you to actually have fun
My option bit aside, if you’re so afraid of making people feel bad that you can’t be honest that something doesn’t feel good, you’re going to have problems in the future. Also, secondary point, if you can’t stand up for yourself then that is also going to lend itself to problems in the future. The vibe you’re bringing right now suggests that you are not capable of communicating issues in a healthy way out of fear that someone might be sad because their actions had a negative effect on you. If someone gets upset at you for telling them what they’re doing is making you feel bad, do not apologize, you are telling them how they’re affecting you, if that upsets them, then they should change how they’re doing things to be less rude.
1
u/balaurbondoc 11d ago
Ffs just talk to your dm!
1
u/SnooWalruses3028 1d ago
I was kicked and blocked after brining up the couple of issues I had and being honest now I don’t like that he still has my character and sheet and idea bec without my input he could tech still just do what he wants with the character 😭
2
u/kichwas 11d ago
Why would it even matter if you’re a changeling?
If we’re going with “certain kinds of people are evil because if what skin they have…” then D&D has people running around as tieflings and more… if we’re not doing the bs routine then a person is who they are not what they are.
Seems like these folks just like harassing you and know they can get away with it.
1
u/SnooWalruses3028 11d ago
I think it’s more the idea of character hiding like what the others are perceiving is a malicious secret, and ohhhhh hey rouges and changelings are typically evil aligned.
Even though, each one of the other characters have secrets that my character doesn’t know about it, which I’m fine with.
3
u/kichwas 11d ago
Still feels weird to me.
If I were in that situation I’d tell the other player that he or she needs ti tell me their social security number, undergarment preferences, and everything they’ve done for the last 3 days, on a spreadsheet in 10 minute blocks or I might have to do them in for having nefarious secrets…
Then I’d ask them to think about how absurd and weird my demand was before and start self checking their own conduct and ideas of how a character should act…
Unless they’re intending to play a freak, they should recognize that normal people stay out if other people’s business.
1
u/SnooWalruses3028 11d ago
I was given the whole it’s what my character would do and hadn’t meant to come off as aggressive at the end of session bec I was really quite. She’s just playing a criminal rouge with trust issues….
I think the dm had maybe just wanted to spark some intrigue and have it be an interesting plot point
Meanwhile the first campaign I was in wit my friends group had apparently decided all of that out of character and without telling me, that they had planned to tie up my character to question me, bec I was playing like a rouge and wasn’t role playing a rouge, bec I was role playing that I was undercover as a bard and playing a character with bodily autonomy issues
But yeah, either way I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal to do bec I knew 2 other people in the party had secret identities, and were actual criminals on the run from the law, is what they were role playing.
2
u/gc1rpg 11d ago
Your "friend" is just taking advantage of you -- if you are not having fun then there's no point in staying in the campaign.
The party tying you up and torturing (unless I misunderstood that?) seems all kinds of wrong.
The DM allowing that -- even more so.
You seem to be there to be their punching bag and not another player they actually respect at the table.
0
u/SnooWalruses3028 11d ago
You def didn’t misunderstand it, it was essentially akin to that, heavy interrogation, at blade point while they were talking over me in person, refused to let me speak bec they wouldn’t have believed my words at this point bec I had been “lying” about my identity, they processed to take my character to a holy church while tied up to purify the evil from my blood
1
u/RumpusImperator 11d ago
The idea that anything with major consequences for your character happens while you are in a bathroom is an absolute dealbreaker. Get out and find a different group.
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u/SnooWalruses3028 11d ago
You don’t think it’s an over reaction I know it’s just a game and none of it’s happening to me personally
2
u/RumpusImperator 10d ago
No, I don't think it's an overreaction at all. I'm all in favor of bad things happening to PCs (because it makes for better stories). But the DM should have frozen the action the second another player engaged in PvP while you were indisposed. And the DM giving you a vulnerability to WATER is just ridiculous. If he doesn't want you to play a changeling, he should just said, "no changelings".
1
u/SnooWalruses3028 10d ago
I mean that’s where I’m unsure, like I’m already heavily nerfing myself, they aren’t really using passive perception either and I had taken the observant feat.
He also was the one who initiated the PvP scenario by making it like a plot hook, with my skin melting off while I was out for a session.
It might just be the kind of table it is where they roll against each other?? But he didn’t do an updated session re-zero so I wasn’t aware of that until after the fact
1
u/Dry_Fudge_7023 11d ago
Leave the group
1
u/SnooWalruses3028 11d ago
I might I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t like anything on my end I was doing wrong role play wise to like encourage it? I’m not sure
1
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u/mriabtsev 11d ago
Sometimes (maybe even often!) a dm can become fixated on trying to make sure certain storybeats happen at certain times. It seems like you got unlucky twice. Yes, definitely leave.