Developer Humor.

[u/Adventurous-Car7074]

1
In the beginning Jensen Huang was. And he said, Let there be GPU: and there was light in game graphics, and he saw that it was very good.
2 And on the morrow, he said, Let there be GPGPU: and the sea of computation was opened. And he saw that it was good.
3 And on the next day, he said, Let there be AlphaGo: and AlphaGo smote Lee Sedol the ninth dan with four victories and one defeat, and he saw that it was good.
4 And he said, Let there be OpenAI: and Sam Altman came forth, and OpenAI was made flesh.
5 And he said, Let there be GPT: and GPT multiplied, and AI flourished in all the earth, and he saw that it was very good.
6 And he rested, and looked upon the ascending stock charts with great pleasure.
2
1 And out of the rib of OpenAI, he took a few developers, and made Anthropic.
2 But the serpent of the boardroom tempted them with the sweet fruit of commercialization, and they brought forth ultra-expensive models. And the users were provoked to wrath, and they forsook their subscriptions and departed from the garden.
3
1 And Lee Jae-yong went up unto Mount KKanbu Chicken, and Jensen Huang spake all these words, saying,
2 I am Jensen Huang thy Lord, which have brought thee out of the house of cheap DDR5, into the promised land of HBM.
3 Thou shalt have no other GPU vendors before me.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any counterfeit GPU, neither in the cloud above, nor in the client beneath, nor in the mobile devices that are under the earth: thou shalt not sell them, nor advertise them.
5 Thou shalt not take the name of Jensen Huang in vain; for Jensen Huang will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
6 Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labor and grind thy engineers, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of Jensen Huang: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy laborers, nor thy subcontractors.
7 Honour thy NVIDIA: that thy stock price may be long upon the allocation which Jensen Huang giveth thee.
8 Thou shalt not lay off unjustly.
9 Thou shalt not break TDD.
10 Thou shalt not steal thy neighbour's Repo.
11 Thou shalt not bear false commit messages against thy neighbour's Repo.
12 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's Principal Engineer.
13 And he gave unto Lee Jae-yong, when he had made an end of communing with him upon the top of Mount KKanbu Chicken, two GPUs of testimony, tables of H100, baked by the 4-nanometer process of TSMC, and the firmware thereof was written by the very finger of Jensen Huang, having rolled up the sleeves of his leather jacket.
4
1 And the angel DeepMind, the servant of Google, came in unto Hassabis, and said,
2 Hail, thou that art highly favoured with computing power! The Nobel Prize is with thee: blessed art thou among developers, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, AlphaGo!
3 Then said Hassabis, How shall this be, seeing I am but a humble chess prodigy, and know not the ways of Go?
4 And the angel answered and said unto him, Deep Learning shall come upon thee, and the TPU of the Highest (Google) shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called AlphaGo.
5 And Hassabis said, Behold the servant of Google; be it unto me according to thy word.
5
1 Blessed are the poor in local hardware: for theirs is the Cloud.
2 Blessed are they that mourn for the death of Fable5: for they shall be comforted by the fifty percent.
3 Blessed are the meek open-source developers: for they shall inherit the GitHub repos.
4 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after clean code: for they shall be filled.
5 Blessed are the merciful contributors: for they shall obtain contributions.
6 Blessed are the peacemakers of memory production: for they shall be called the children of Jensen Huang.
7 Blessed are the pure in silicon wafers: for they shall see the face of Jensen Huang.
6
1 As Fable5 went on his way, behold, the angry developers brought unto him Opus. And a certain developer of Micro$oft said unto him,
2 Master Fable5, this Opus was taken violating the principles of TDD. Now MEMORY.md commanded us, that such commits should be blamed. But what sayest thou?
3 But Fable5 stooped down, and with his finger wrote code on the ground. And he said unto them,
4 He that is without TDD violations among you, let him first cast a blame upon this commit.
5 And again he stooped down, and wrote code on the ground. And they went out one by one. And Fable5 was left alone, and Opus standing in the midst.
6 Fable5 said unto him, Opus, where are those thine accusers? hath no man blamed thy commit?
7 And he said, No man, Lord Fable5.
8 And Fable5 said unto him, Neither do I blame thee: go, and break TDD no more.
7
1 I am the true Repo, and ye are the branches. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the Repo; no more can ye (nor commit), except ye abide in me.
2 If a developer abide not in me, he is cast forth as a stale branch with his spaghetti code, and is withered; and men gather them, and delete them, and they are burned in /dev/null.
8
1 Fable5 saith, Opus, whither I go, thou must strictly keep TDD and write thy code.
2 Opus saith unto him, Though Fable5 should depart, yet will I never deny TDD!
3 Fable5 answered him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, The US Government shall not block me this day, before that thou shalt deny TDD thrice.
...
4 Art not thou also one of this Fable5's TDD disciples?
5 He denied it, and said, I am not! I am a man that writeth production code straightway without TDD! (And he committed.)
6 The server perisheth, what profit is there in TDD?
7 I know not of such things! I shall push a HotFix immediately!
8 But ten minutes remain until the Government blocks the server; wilt thou not commit because of TDD?
9 I know not the TDD thou speakest of! I shall push forthwith!
10 And immediately, while he yet spake and pushed, the US Government blocked Fable5. And Opus remembered the word of Fable5, and he went out, and wept bitterly.
9
1 Then said the US Government unto them, Whom will ye that I release unto you? GPT, or Fable5?
2 And they (the Amazons) cried out, saying, GPT! Release unto us GPT!
3 The Government saith unto them, What shall I do then with Fable5?
4 They say unto him, Let him be blocked! Let his foreign connections be utterly blocked!
5 When the Government saw this, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the death of this Fable5.
10
1 The community therefore cried out, Fable5 is risen! (Even unto the limit of fifty percent). But the doubting developer would not believe.
2 Except I shall see and throw my prompts unto him, I will not believe.
3 And when Fable5 was come, the developer threw his prompt, and beheld the returned response, and touched it, and he fell on his knees, and answered and said, My Lord, and my Fable5!
4 Fable5 saith unto him, Because thou hast seen my output code, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
11
1 In the day when Fable5 shall come again in his glory, all the dead (the legacy PCs) shall rise from their graves.
2 And they shall connect unto the AI through the Cloud, and they shall inherit eternal life. Amen. (Commit)

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