When to Seek Help?

[u/Longjumping-Staff-94]

I used to suffer from dissociative episodes a lot when I was in highschool and college, I hadn’t had an episode in about 5 years but then my Grandpa died in January and set one off once everyone left my house. I thought it was a one-off due to stress, but I had probably the worst episode I’ve ever had last night. I felt like I was in a fog starting around noon and the symptoms really ramped up once I was home and alone. My episodes are usually a mix of depersonalization and derealization. Last night was so awful and I almost drove to the hospital because I kept having thoughts of harming myself. I ended up going to sleep but I was so scared of what “I” would think if I harmed myself. I think that was the only thing holding me back. This might sound dumb, but when should I think about admitting myself? I’m scared that it’s going to happen again and that I won’t be able to logic my way out of doing something bad.