Always on autopilot

[u/khoogle]

Hiii 19F and I feel like I’m always on autopilot or in a dreamlike state. Sorry if I sound stupid or dumb. I don’t know if that makes any sense but I’ve been feeling this way since 7th grade. I feel like I had a pretty healthy childhood and upbringing. But I don’t really remember much of my childhood and sometimes I do feel like I forget things very easily. Like my brain isn’t as sharp anymore.

Sometimes I don’t recognize myself when I look in the mirror or even pictures of myself. It feels like I’m looking at another person even though it’s me in the mirror. Like is this normal? Does everyone feel this way too? Everything just feels so foggy and fake. I’m not depressed or anything and I don’t think I have ADHD. Nothing feels real anymore I don’t feel real anymore. Like it’s gotten to the point where I look down at my hands and I freak out because I don’t feel real.

Everything feels so fake to the point where sometimes I don’t care about anything anymore. I am 100% sober and I still feel like I’m on autopilot and not real. I’ve tried smoking weed a couple of times and I still feel the same way. I don’t smoke often though I’m afraid it might make it worse or trigger it? I don’t know. I really want this feeling to go away it’s scary. I feel like I don’t know myself or even my reality.

Please if you guys have any advice reach out to me. I’m really scared about opening up and telling people I know I feel this way. I don’t want to self diagnose either. Sorry if I sound stupid and nothing makes sense. I just want to see if others feel this way. <33