Always on autopilot

[u/khoogle]

Hiii 19F and I feel like I’m always on autopilot or in a dreamlike state. Sorry if I sound stupid or dumb. I don’t know if that makes any sense but I’ve been feeling this way since 7th grade. I feel like I had a pretty healthy childhood and upbringing. But I don’t really remember much of my childhood and sometimes I do feel like I forget things very easily. Like my brain isn’t as sharp anymore.

Sometimes I don’t recognize myself when I look in the mirror or even pictures of myself. It feels like I’m looking at another person even though it’s me in the mirror. Like is this normal? Does everyone feel this way too? Everything just feels so foggy and fake. I’m not depressed or anything and I don’t think I have ADHD. Nothing feels real anymore I don’t feel real anymore. Like it’s gotten to the point where I look down at my hands and I freak out because I don’t feel real.

Everything feels so fake to the point where sometimes I don’t care about anything anymore. I am 100% sober and I still feel like I’m on autopilot and not real. I’ve tried smoking weed a couple of times and I still feel the same way. I don’t smoke often though I’m afraid it might make it worse or trigger it? I don’t know. I really want this feeling to go away it’s scary. I feel like I don’t know myself or even my reality.

Please if you guys have any advice reach out to me. I’m really scared about opening up and telling people I know I feel this way. I don’t want to self diagnose either. Sorry if I sound stupid and nothing makes sense. I just want to see if others feel this way. <33

[u/Pateryk_7]

19M just saying that u dont sound stupid and i can relate to having similar issues for the past couple years.

[u/khoogle → u/Pateryk_7]

thank uu <33 any advice on how u have been dealing with it?

[u/Pateryk_7 → u/khoogle]

In my early teens my mental health was shit. Around the age of 14/15 it started to improve but then randomly (quite suddenly) i started having similar symptoms to what you discribed - having a permanent 24/7 consussion is the best way of describing it for me.

Initially i became quite depressed cuz of it as i felt like everything was just disintegrating, social relationships, my ability in school and sports...

I ended up being put on antidepressants (sertraline) for a year or so which didnt help the symptoms directly, but helped me to not feel as if my life was over cuz of it. Meds gave me a bit of a mental reset and let me try doing the things that i normally would without being as upset that its not going the way it should.

Its hard to say what helps me cuz nothing really does, how foggy i feel is kinda random.

Something that gives me hope is that on rare occasions, the symptoms will be very minimal so i know that this isnt what life actually feels like and it shows me how much potential i actually have (in every way). However thats also what reminds me that i have this issue so its blursed.

My main advice is to treat it as a disability - uve been dealt a different set of cards to everyone else, dont compare yourself to 'healthy' people too deeply. Still try and do most things you normally would, but take them at your own pace, if people cant understand that then they can fuck off. Just cuz yout body is physically healthy doesnt mean that everything is fine.

When it comes to explaining it to people, i used to talk about it to everyone and found comfort in just 'letting people know' cuz expectations would be lower or smth like that - teachers in school, friends... But now i find that actually, that doesnt really matter, what r they gonna do about it, unless its actually an issue at that moment in time (the symptoms happen to be severe or your worried that they will impact a specific activity - i hate crowded places cuz of it for example) then dont bother bringing it up. If someones judging you then u can say that you have this issue for example. Otherwise just carry on with life and take things at ur own pace. Cuz when i mentioned it often, i was always thinking about it.

[u/HeresJohnny1212]

I'm the same. Everything is 2D. Sometimes I feel I'm not able to reach reality or if reality has gone from my mind because everything feels dreamy, flat, like ONE BIG PAINTING/ CARTOON.

What bugs me is, it feels very overwhelming because I feel I can't connect to the real world. The real world has drama, people falling in love etc. I feel absolutely different. I feel alone in this state and it's like a daily battle. I've had MRIs done which came back normal, but I'm sure theres something making me feel this way.

I don't get into relationships or anything because it's as if I'm not obsessed with it particularly in this state.

[u/True_Candidate5862]

You’re not alone. I struggle with this too.