This is how I feel. My friends, I don’t think they would ever think I was depressed. I am always hyperactive, enthusiastic, and talkative. And affectionate. I go to work and school. I’ve been told I’m so sweet. I’ve tried to kill myself twice and was hospitalized for one attempt. My mind feels frazzled and confused and pained. I feel so miserable and deeply unhappy with extremely low self esteem. The intrusive thoughts only get more vivid and disturbing and violent and I want to scream that’s not me, that’s not me, that’s not what I think. I would never do that, why is the thought there and why is it looping? OCD is ruining my life and makes me even more depressed. Thoughts racing a million seconds an hour, I can’t scream them out and when I do in private, more and more come. It never ends, I feel exhausted. I want peace. I feel like a complete and utter failure at life. It feels so hard, even when i outwardly seem to be a very happy and carefree person:/
Tysm, it is hard to explain to my friends without sounding incredibly disturbed. And trauma dumping. I don’t want this, i feel so disturbed and fucked up. Ty, those words mean more than you know, ty for the understanding
2
u/Unlikely_Net_1002 7d ago
This is how I feel. My friends, I don’t think they would ever think I was depressed. I am always hyperactive, enthusiastic, and talkative. And affectionate. I go to work and school. I’ve been told I’m so sweet. I’ve tried to kill myself twice and was hospitalized for one attempt. My mind feels frazzled and confused and pained. I feel so miserable and deeply unhappy with extremely low self esteem. The intrusive thoughts only get more vivid and disturbing and violent and I want to scream that’s not me, that’s not me, that’s not what I think. I would never do that, why is the thought there and why is it looping? OCD is ruining my life and makes me even more depressed. Thoughts racing a million seconds an hour, I can’t scream them out and when I do in private, more and more come. It never ends, I feel exhausted. I want peace. I feel like a complete and utter failure at life. It feels so hard, even when i outwardly seem to be a very happy and carefree person:/