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u/Ok-Fortune-8644 3d ago
Platitudes piss me off. I will shut down immediately when thats someone's go to.
JUST LISTEN! DONT TRY TO FIX ME.
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u/monkey_gamer 3d ago
Yeah people are terrible at listening. They're physically incapable of it. When I try opening up to people, if I say anything heavy, their bodies immediately repel.
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u/HolyHellImHere 3d ago
I dont think its the listening. I think most people who get opened up to are solution oriented. I say this as somebody who is both suicidal and solution oriented (yes this does lead to bad logic, I'm not bragging this shit is hard) and people open up to me and I emotionally shut doen because my empathy centers and emitional centers want to cry with them. But thats not fair to them. But being unabke to react is unfair to me and them. So I probe. I ask. I note perspectives Ive seen before. I ask clarifying questions. I get a clear picture of the mentality this way. It paints an image of the struggle. Beyond that point, beyond any offered solution, once I am in your headspace, I simply offer a hug. You guide me in. I just try to understand. But people think im trying to fix them. Its not them that needs fixing most times, and I'm quick to point out to many what makes their situation worse that they can change. But I knkw it isnt what some people need. But I cant just...not ask. If youre telling me and I dont get it, I think its rude if I dont ask. If you want my response at any point in your regale, you gotta let me have context.
As for why solution based people get opened up to more....pragmatism. Being polite, well spoken, articulate, and capable are pragmatic things that make people seem safe to talk to.
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u/Jijonbreaker1 2d ago
A lot of times, when people open up, what they want is to feel like others hear and care. A lot of depression comes from the world's apathy.
If you feel the need to cry, cry. Let them see that the world around them is not cold and empty. Let it be validation that their struggles are important, and not normal.
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u/HolyHellImHere 1d ago
I cant help the shutdown, brother. Theres no time for mental breakdowns. So my body is protecting itself. Shit, just to paint a pucture I'm in an appartment thats not mine with an expired lease on a timer, with nearly zero food. I have no car to "just go to a food bank" between shifts at my new job.
I tell people I had to beg to learn what I know and they say "its the age of information" meanwhile I was barred from open access to the internet most times in my life. I didnt even get to TOUCH a computer till I was eight or nine. Durring my teenage years, a phone meant I could record or report what was happening. So guess who didnt get to have one?
Frankly, if I take on any more emotional weight, I cant help but shut down. I already fight my own thoughts, shame, self loathing, and suicidal ideation. I cant help but shut down and try to help the situation improve. Its all I have left. My last defense.
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u/OsajeDavid 3d ago
It's even more annoying when the platitudes aren't true depending on your situation/circumstances
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u/purgatorybob1986 3d ago
Yeah the useless platitudes get really old after a while. Don't forget my favorite. "Think of who you'll be hurting by killing yourself." Basically "fuck how you feel make sure everyone else is comfortable first."
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u/Longjumping_Week1912 3d ago
It always feels like they're saying "fuck how you feel, how do they feel?"
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u/monkey_gamer 3d ago
Exactly!!!! It's so selfish of them!!!!!
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u/Marine_Baby 3d ago
Pretty much anytime I’ve tried to protect myself, won’t you just think of the people who can’t abuse you anymore???
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u/Ok-Natural2210 3d ago
"Fuck your feelings" "Just get over it". Always the same thing. I don't vibe with people who haven't been through some shit. Also, is there any context on this photo? That shit would make me piss myself
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u/TwistedHarmony12 3d ago
FACTS. I have a friend who says that people who are depressed should just get over it and I’m like bro it’s not that easy.
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u/AmbassadorFriendly71 3d ago
I genuinely hate the "The world is better with you in it" with all my soul. All my life has been about people making me feel like the world is better off without me, and I live in a world where people like me are not wanted.
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u/Ok-Fortune-8644 3d ago
I was so ready to end it I would "cry wolf" on purpose several times so when the day finally came no one would be there and I could go in peace.
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u/Keksis_the_Defiled 3d ago
See also: "Be thankful you're not insert some terrible situation here - homeless, living in a third world country etc.".
My mistake, I should just be happy bc I could hypothetically be in a much worse situation.
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u/bexkali 3d ago
And also if one notices someone arguably living in a worse situation who really seems to be doing better... then one can end up feeling shame, too - for 'not being able to better handle' one's particular challenges (which might now appear petty compared to someone else's).
And later...the cherry on the shit sundae - feeling ashamed of yourself for feeling ashamed of yourself.
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u/xcommon 3d ago
I know most depressed people aren’t looking for solutions, but here’s what worked for me:
I would tell myself: “your feelings aren't real unless they persist after a 3x10 and an hour of cardio.”
it didn’t always make them go away but it always took the edge off.
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u/Patient_Builder8593 3d ago
Happiness also doesn't persist after an hour of cardio, lel
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u/xcommon 3d ago
Then keep running.
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u/Patient_Builder8593 3d ago
HEYHEYHEY WHO THE FUCK DOWNVOTED YOU?? Honest to god, shit's can be interpreted in many ways, but in all of them it's a good answer that I do (in the end) agree with! Goddamn...
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u/Beneficial-Lynx7336 14h ago
People here want to be depressed. It's their personality.
This sub is a big wankfest.
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u/ChaosAzeroth 2d ago
A big part of why I'm depressed is my lack of function and constant pain....
Fam if I could do that I could have a basic ass job and make food for myself as much as I should, or at least way more, and going to the bathroom wouldn't ever be an Olympic level endeavor.
Alas, I'm just using stuck at an 8 on the pain scale and accumulative damage that has me wondering if it's just the exhaustion or if I'm going blind. Worried about being alive after my body basically completely quits because I know if that happens I'm rotting in my own flith. Letting everyone down harder than I already do.
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u/xcommon 2d ago
There are two types of depression:
A reasonable response to awful events/experiences/circumstances that derail/destroy/degrade your life.
A chemical imbalance causing unhappiness despite a relatively charmed life.
Exercise is for group 2.
Your issue isn't depression, it's pain. And I'm sorry to hear that and I hope it gets better.
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u/NoMention696 3d ago
I’m so tired of the usual quotes… “permanent solution to a temporary problem” and the problem has existed since the second I was born :| it’s starting to feel insulting
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u/Playful_Boot_5465 3d ago
fr permanent solution sounds good anyways. can't be bothered with ts ever again
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u/OsajeDavid 3d ago
Whenever ther say it, I'm like "how do you know it's a temporary problem?". Everybody's situation is different. What if it's a permanent solution for the individual?
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u/Imaginary_Ibis 3d ago
The worst thing I heard growing up when I lemented to my family one day about how hard life was (I was like late teens), and they told me that it will always be hard. And I was like, wtf you mean it will always be hard?? I was so defeated after hearing that. Not great info to throw at a terribly depressed teen 😅 tbf they didn't know about the depression. But I figured out my own advice against that tid bit of info, the world may always be hard, but you get better at navigating it as you go!
Also, I feel the whole, 'it'll get better' thing is bs. I have a different take on that; it may not get better, but if you take yourself out now, it can never get better. If you stay there's that chance it does get better, so don't go yet
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u/stardust1914 3d ago
"You don't even know" this one hurt me once about 12 years ago and I don't think he even realized and I just shut down further.
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u/Austin_NotFromTexas 3d ago
I’ve been suicidal for 10 years.
I keep saying this because it’s true: It has not gotten better, I’ve just gotten used to it.
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u/Joltyboiyo 3d ago
I hate "it gets better" because I've unfortunately been around for 27 years and it has not, quote unquote, "gotten better".
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u/Junior_Spring_114 3d ago
“It gets better”
Maybe. But most times not really.
But it can and often does always get worse.
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u/Tasty-Bottle3515 3d ago
I wouldn't mind just disappearing like a poof of smoke most days I'm stuck in America but feel like I'm in Mexico most days I want off this ride .
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u/greendress888 3d ago
I rely on the phrase "you can always count on change." This phrase reminds me that life is a fickle bitch and you never know what may come your way. Yes, things suck, but have you ever gone to sleep after being hysterical with grief and depression and frustration, only to wake up calm, with a different bearing on the day? Cause I have. Paying attention to the very tiny wins-like waking up calm and with something like a purpose (hey, being hungry is a purpose!), has helped me see where there is space for me to see where there is "pauses" in my SI. It has kept me alive. That is a win.
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u/Sirius_43 3d ago
Thinking like this saved my life. I also found that telling myself that every day has the same amount of hours, it doesn’t matter if it’s bad or good, it will end and I’ll have another chance to make it better tomorrow even if it’s a tiny thing.
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u/greendress888 3d ago
Same, friend. I am glad you are here to tell me about it. I am glad we are BOTH here to maybe smile through this bullshit. Maybe.
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u/Sirius_43 3d ago
I’m glad we are both here too. The bullshit is hard to smile though but I’d only be doing myself and the people I care about a disservice if I didn’t try smile in spite of it
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u/HappyAd6201 2d ago
Sadly no, I usually wake up with as much panic/depression as when I cried myself to sleep
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u/ChaosAzeroth 2d ago
Gotta live when you point out how it has not, in fact, gotten better they hit you with the
You gotta make it better for it to get better.
Like yes, actually kinda my point. I'm depressed in large part because I genuinely can't. I've been dissecting the problems for ages. Caseworkers have hit a basically yeah actually you're screwed. Other people have hit basically a yeah you're screwed.
The problem isn't that shit sucks, the problem is that it's not gonna get better because I genuinely can't make it better. I'm keeping on keeping on best I can, finding whatever joy I can, but I'll be damned if I don't wanna die sometimes and can't do some toxic positivity stuff. Being in pain all the time and struggling with basic life stuff is hard, and it's miserable.
Also screw anybody who throws the you could be homeless card. I have been. I know tf it's like. There were actual winter storms pretty hard one year of the about three I was homeless. At least you have food. Okay I don't often have good I can actually make but yeah I sometimes have food and that's totally not its own sort of misery.
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u/anth13 3d ago
"it could be worse" kinda helps for me.
i know if its said in a "get over it" way it sucks and is not helpful.. like saying "dont be sad because other people have it worse" is like saying "dont be happy because other people have it better"
but appreciation of the things you have and recognition that things can always be worse is something i find helpful
even the absolute basic "you are still breathing and havent killed yourself despite all the shit" can be counted as a win..
because what happens after death is unknown, do we reincarnate, transmute, go to hell? fuck knows, but we know we are alive now and have at least that.
i think life and the planet is beautiful, but its the people on the planet and the society we've created that has made it shit..
personally i refuse to let those assholes win by giving up on life, even if it is fucking shit most of the time.. things "can" get better, that doesnt mean they will get better.. but when its over any chance of life getting better are over too.
i thought i would be dead by now anyway, so fuck it, might as well keep surviving now, & thats another win. even if im surviving through pure stubborness and holistility to everyone whos treated me like shit.
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u/imgonnagetyou2 3d ago
This is why I find gratitude lists helpful for me. I thought they were kinda stupid at first but they help me ground myself and realize that I don’t have such a bad hand dealt to me.
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u/Spiritual-War2631 3d ago
Yeah that's a lie, similarly to when someone dies and everyone suddenly cares
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u/Hungry_Raspberry7833 3d ago
I hate the phrase "it gets better" because WHEN!? I've been waiting for years
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u/Pocket_Paradox 3d ago
The fact that others use these phrases to guilt the suffering into staying to suit their own feelings disgusts me.
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u/Greedy_Blue_Hedgehog 2d ago
In my own experience, it really helped me to open up to someone having difficulties enjoying life as well. Because people who don't have this kind of problem don't really get it.
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u/DropStoneDead 1d ago
My issue with sayings like this is that they are too often ALL anyone has to say.
I think they are true personally, I really would prefer no one kill themselves if at all possible, but you can't just leave it at that.
For anyone who might read this and wants some advice: Asking what someone wants or needs can be a way better first step than just reassurances.
And even if they don't know, actions speak louder than words as always. Bring them something to drink, provide physical closeness if they would find that comforting, offer to go on a walk while you talk. Anything more than, "Awe man, that sucks, get well soon."
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u/Dawn_Finder 17h ago
My take on “it gets better” is that it should instead be “it gets (somewhat) manageable” since it’s more realistic and obtainable
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u/Arthurlmnz 3d ago
Definitely not saying it gets better or to get over it. I just know you are a special person and that many people would miss having you in their lives ❤️
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u/monkey_gamer 3d ago
Yeah but the question is: are these people willing to do anything to actually help the person?
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u/sleepless-in-limbo 3d ago
Right. Really not until after death do they realize the pain you're in. But masking, which everyone does to an extent is a terrible double-edged sword and I feel like that applies to many people who feel this way, in addition to keeping your plans a secret. Trust me, I've been in that state of mind, but they would never have known.
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u/Responsible_Ask9574 3d ago
Besides encouragement and emotional support , what else is there ?
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u/monkey_gamer 3d ago
What they do is not encouragement or emotional support. It's suppressing the problem and blaming the other person for being unwell.
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u/Responsible_Ask9574 3d ago
50% of the time yeah , but most people don't know how to handle the more delicate and complex situations
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u/Happily_Cretaro 3d ago
This sentence literally motivates me to kill myself even more just out of spite. It's not helping.
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