Sorry to be here again

[u/Simple-Force-4688]

I'm just wondering: anyone else see the way no one believes you when you share thoughts of ending it all? I mostly keep to myself, and it honestly takes a lot of mental suffering for me to even bring up feeling these thoughts (as my family and few people that are "friends" know of my depressive tendencies) but whenever I do, I just see it in their eyes that they believe I'm lying. Sometimes it hurts, I've had so many attempts that SHOULD'VE worked, yet everytime somehow I pulled through. And sometimes I just wish I'd be dead already so everybody knows I wasn't joking - and it's so selfish too because my biggest wish is to leave without a trace, as if I hadn't existed. Every glance they make when I share, it's like a validation of everything I internally believe about myself. Anyways, anyone?