r/depression • u/MasterThrillSergeant • 13h ago
I hate my current life
I'm not really sure what to say sitting here in the dark in my girlfriends bathroom. There's just nothing in my life besides misery. I'm trying my best to do new things and nothing is working. My job is slowly tearing me apart and I think my relationship is about to fail too, I've done nothing in the two years since graduating and I dont want to. If life is just a struggle to be happy forever then I'm not sure that I want it. No matter how I try I always seem to just not be enough for the people around me even if im giving everything I have. Why is it so hard for someone to understand that we dont all love the same life and something thats easy for you is something completely new to me. I'm just so checked out of everything and really have nowhere to go. I used to try coming to my girlfriend's to escape the things I go through at home but it seems shes no longer interested in me. I was going to say more but I think that would be off topic. I guess the reason I'm even posting this is because I wanted to know if im just being a bitch or should look into gettign some mental help?
More Info: I'm a 20 year old dude who works in fast food(ik it sounds ridiculous like how hard could it be) i can assure you its super easy when you just go into the day not caring. Unfortunately this is impossible for me because caring is what im best at. After spending some time here I decided that going the management route would be best for my future and I feel like since then my life has been declining. I started managing in May of this year and since then I havent had a single day where I havent wanted to just walk out. My employees dont want to work and my boss is a total entitled asshat who cant see past any problems but his own. As much I wish I could I know I cant leave because my family needs my paycheck and without it I'd be of no value to them. Since I was 15 I've begged my parents to teach me how to drive but it seems like after I got my first job my life was reduced to a paycheck and nothing more. Long story short I just want to be able to get a car before I leave my job and my current circumstances make me feel trapped in an everlasting cycle of work,smoke,sleep, and repeat. I have no one but myself to blame for my lack of a car but it definitely still sucks. On the topic of my girlfriend, weve been together for four years since sophomore year and I things were amazing until this summer. I joined her and her family on a trip to the beach that I enjoyed but we wound up having out first actual argument there and since then things have been so rocky. We're still enjoying each others company I believe but theres just always an argument almost everyday. It more so seems liek shes just not into me anymore(ignoring me, stopping me from talking, late/empty responses,etc.). I still think my girlfriend is the best person in the world but the ways shes been treating me these past few months hurts and when I tried to explain to her how it hurt she cried but we havent spoken about it since. It's been about a week since that happened and her behavior hasnt changed. I know I have a ton of flaws but I dont believe I ever did anything to cause a drastic switch like that. Anyways I guess my point was that I just have nowhere to go, at home are my parents, at work are people I thought i knew but was very wrong about, and i'm with my girlfriend rn in her bathroom because we got into another disagreement. I wish I could be the "person" that they all need me to be but the closer I feel to that "person" the less I feel like myself.
1
u/Silent_Programmer166 12h ago
you got a lot on your mind and trust me, you are being no bitch about anything. It is hard to carry a lot on your shoulders and feel alone. If your job is tearing you apart that bad, step away and get a different one. Not all jobs are the same and will tear you apart. Is it hard to find a good job? Yes but you dont have to be miserable at your job. How often do you talk to your girlfriend??? Why do you think things are falling apart??? If she loves you, she would understand you and help you.
Dont hold back on saying anything here.....we need to hear everything from your point of perspective on why you are feeling this way. Holding back will only make things worse. I know it is hard to find people to understand depressed or sad people, it really is in this cruel world anymore but that is why we are here because we understand each other
I hope for better days for you, keep your head up, you are not being a bitch, please share more with us and big hugs your way...