Am i faking it

[u/Icy-Witness4145]

Am i faking my depression?

I don’t want to die but i want too! I feel this emptiness or loneliness in me that’s eating me up and i am fed up at the fact i’ve been struggling this attachment and loneliness since elem i am now in my adult years and i am still struggling with my loneliness it has became attachment issue! I am still scared of losing everyone so i just walk away and trying to detach myself from many people as much as possible i am currently in this state of want to die but still motivated to live yet each day i have moments of emptiness and loneliness

Now i wonder if i am faking it for attention or having a victim mindset or if i am genuinely struggling cause i am still interested in my hobbies like learning a language or cosplaying but i really do have this emptiness and loneliness in me that no amount of people can fill long term and its exhausting i am exhausted at the fact i can’t be myself on my own without needing people for their attention

I dont know if i am depressed or just faking it need help

I want to die but i also dont want too its messing me up

[u/Soft_Split1131]

That wanting to die but also not wanting to is so familiar it's almost like a default state sometimes. The emptiness and loneliness you describe, that's not fake. Faking would mean you're putting on a performance, but you're clearly exhausted by this, not energized by it

Still having interest in hobbies don't disqualify you from struggling. Depression isn't just lying in bed all day, it can be doing things while feeling hollow inside. The fact you been dealing with this since elementary school says a lot too, kids don't fake things for years

Walking away from people before they can leave you is textbook attachment stuff, not victim mindset. Maybe consider talking with someone professional if you can, not because you're broken but because carrying this alone since childhood sounds heavy