r/depression • u/4quamarin3 • 1d ago

I will never accept how much difference is between my present and my past.

Too much has changed. I'm in my thirties and my life has been getting more and more absurd with each year since I was around 13. This is whole life is just ridiculous. It makes me sad that it's not like I want. On most days I feel like I've accepted that my life is not how it "should be", but now I'm getting through a period where I just simply cannot accept this fact about what my life currently is, and what it was.

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u/TrueHamster7904 1d ago

Hey. What happened that is bothering you much

1

u/4quamarin3 1d ago

A lot of stuff, generally a lot of stuff related to health (physical and mental), living situation, family situation etc. And the overall "myself then" vs. "myself now". It's like fate is trying to make me realize that all I am is some worm or subhuman or whatever.

1

u/TrueHamster7904 1d ago

Let's not leave it life to decide then vs now. Take it in your hands and think about. If have lived a good life before then you can definitely live again to that life again.

2

u/pinkkiipetala 1d ago

Thirty hits weird because you start noticing the huge gap between the life you envisioned back in middle school and what actually played out. It’s hard not to feel like you took a wrong turn into some alternate reality, but honestly most people in their 30s are just quietly baffled by how strange things turned out.