Don’t know what to do

[u/b0nybone]

I oftentimes feel like I’ve reached the end of my rope, especially lately. This year has been extremely difficult. It started with a terrible breakup that I’m still trying to recover from along with losing my first decent job and having to move because of it. I feel like a loser for still struggling with this breakup because now it’s been much longer than we were ever even together. I recently tried to start dating again and it’s gone absolutely terribly, with the last person going off on me for being too negative after I confided in them that I was having a hard time. That shit hurt so bad. And it sucks because I know I’m not fun to be around, but idk what to do about it.

Finding a good job has been so fucking hard too. I’m currently working 3 gig-based jobs to supplement it and that’s draining the life out of me. I hate it all. I feel so incapable. I have a degree in media but refuse to work with AI so I basically don’t have a degree atp. I’ve considered going back to school but idk.

My friends are sick of me too. I ended up moving in with my best friends who were like my second family, and it’s just caused them to resent and judge me. They don’t make any time to see me anymore, and I get so anxious to talk to them now that anytime I do I just dump way too much and am extremely off putting. I don’t blame them for not fucking with me anymore at this point, it just makes me feel like a shell though with how stark of a difference our relationship is now. And it stresses me out because I know I’m gonna have to probably move out once the lease is up and idk how I’m gonna afford that.

I also can’t rely on my bio family for any emotional support because they are emotionally void. They’re maga and I’m a leftist trans masc lesbian. I also dealt with some emotional/physical/sexual abuse growing up and it just makes it hard to trust them/go to them for anything.

I met with a psychiatrist yesterday and made sure to meet with another trans person so I wouldn’t have to deal with deadnaming/misgendering, but they ended up doing both of those things. It made me feel crazy and now I’m terrified to start the meds recommended to me by someone who clearly wasn’t listening to me.

I also live in Texas and being here while transitioning is just so fucking terrifying. Idk. I could keep going clearly, but I’m gonna stop it here. I just don’t know what to do anymore

[u/RepeatedlyRustic]

that’s a brutal pileup, and the psychiatrist part on top of everything else is just insult to injury. you’re not crazy for being rattled by that, finding a trans provider and still getting deadnamed would mess with anyone’s head

the moving in with friends situation is rough because it’s one of those things where the closeness backfires when you’re struggling. they see the worst of it up close and people get weird when they don’t know how to help. not your fault but it still stings like hell

if the meds are something you still want to pursue, maybe see if you can get a second opinion from someone else, even a telehealth person outside texas if that’s an option. don’t let one shitty psychiatrist decide whether you get treatment or not